h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

...like getting a stomach ache!

Entry: After Eight - The Original After Dinner Mint - A12804798
Author: Chocoholic's Delight Club - a hootoo club with a difference - U4288864

I don't see what can be done with the title, that's what they are.

(Then don't eat so many of them BigAl )

Emmily

'I don't see what can be done with the title, that's what they are.'

Suggest putting After Eight into inverted commas, to read:

'After Eight' Chocolate Mints

okay, BigAl, will do that later

Emmily

Done

CD/Em

This is looking good, Em.

Can't find any whote ones myself, maybe they're more a Christmassy thing?

Preview is my friend.
Preview is my friend.
Preview is my friend.

Meant, 'white' 'natch

Looks like I'll have to go to Lakeside, there must be some there. They should be around now, my source said they were available from around July to January, I may need to change that a little.

CD/Em

Nice entry

I'm not sure that the repetition of variations of the ingredients is necessary. It irritated me anyway. Interesting note on Kosherness of mints.

Grammar and suggestion (at start of Additional Products section):
The following IS just some of the products available in the After Eight range.
>
The following ARE just some of the products that have been available in the After Eight range.

In quoted Cannock Chase definition should it be 'tree quarters of an inch of burnt charcoal' or 'three quarters ...etc.'

Pimms

I've taken the bold off the ingredients, hope that helps, I'd rather not remove them. Have changed is for are (ah, just noticed the rest of your sentence, except for the ice cream, which I mention were replaced by a newer version, all products are currently available, some are just elusive. )

Your last point, I will change 'tree' to 'three' that was not my error, it's like that under 'C' here

http://folk.uio.no/alied/TMoL.html#anchorC

I assume this is it written correctly

http://www.langmaker.com/db/Cannock_chase

CD/Em

Hi Em,

Okay, this still needs heavy proofing, but I just thought I'd better step in to warn against this sliding into just being an advert. It's mainly to do with the language because while the comments at the bottom of an entry can be as enthusiastic as they like, being personal opinion, we have to be careful that we're a bit more 'matter-of-fact' when it comes to the entry itself. Watch out for gushing adjectives, such as the phrase 'rich white chocoloate' - the word 'rich' could be read as being too close to advertising, where 'white chocolate' tells us as much as we need to know.

Just keep an eye out for phrases that *could* be inferred as being marketing copy or advertising slogans.

One other pointer for proofing purposes: pretty much every time you use the phrase 'after dinner' it should have a hyphen. If you're saying 'it's eaten after dinner', it doesn't, but if you're describing it as, say, an 'after-dinner mint' then it should. I'd also suggest putting single inverted commas around the phrase in the title.

Jims

I always knew these chocolate products Entries were going to be a bit tricky to write without being seen as advertising, I thought - hoped I had succeeded in doing that. I'll remove that 'rich' and take a look at the rest later, when I have more time.


Ah, oooppppsss I assume I can't use Flake's slogon at the top here A13692549


CD/Em

Updated and after further thought, and consultation with club members (well, the one that replied in the short time I waited) have removed all ingredients.

CD/Em

Your Guide Entry has just been picked from Peer Review by one of our Scouts, and is now heading off into the Editorial Process, which ends with publication in the Edited Guide. We've therefore moved this Review Conversation out of Peer Review and to the entry itself.

If you'd like to know what happens now, check out the page on 'What Happens after your Entry has been Recommended?' at EditedGuide-Process. We hope this explains everything.

Thanks for contributing to the Edited Guide!

well done

Good job, Em

Hi there Emmily - I've just finished subbing your entry - you can find it at A14018951

Please let me know if it's ok or not, and then I'll send it off to the Editors.

Alex
<./>SubEditor</.>

I see you have made a number of changes, that have improved the Entry Alex


under 'The Meaning of Life' header - >>theMr Creosote of Monty Python's<< (needs a space)

Emmily (aka CD/Em

It also needs the word 'sketch'...

Off it goes