Melancholykat's Hair- The 8th Wonder of the World

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Anyone who has not had the pleasure of viewing Melancholykat’s hair is in my opinion, terribly unfortunate. I can’t say that I know why it is that I like it as much as I do, just that it’s the greatest hair the world has ever known. It kicks all other follicles right off the map.

When one observes normal hair, generally, nothing special comes to mind. Then we turn to Melancholykat. Melancholykat is the alias of an artist on, and possesses perhaps the best hair in all the world. I’m not sure if the English language is evolved enough to possess adjectives capable of describing the magic and superiority above all hair that is the hair of Melancholykat. There are those who will disagree with me, and claim it is as any other, but they must lack the brain cells to compute just what makes good hair.

We will find that hair plays an important part in our society. If you examine history, we see the influence it has had. Back in and before the 1700’s, all the gentlemen wore wigs. This is because they did not believe their hair to be of high enough quality for presentation. In the mid 20th century, we see the introduction of tools to apply to the hair to mold it in various fashions. Grease. Gel. Hairspray. These are the things that brought change to the world hair and styling.

Turning back to the hair of Melancholykat, we see that no, her hair is not of the kind that requires the bottle of gel or can of hairspray to be drained to achieve such perfection. It is natural, perhaps with the exception of the varying colour. This fact alone is enough to make the gel and hairspray users of the world trip on small stones and mutter in awe. “Behold the Hair,” they say. “Bow down before its Greatness!”

In my few years on this planet, I have yet to encounter hair, even in theory, that is perfect without the aid of hairstyling equipment. Except of course, that of Melancholykat. I am not a hair fanatic, even though it may seem as such, I am instead, just someone who found time to analyze hair. Previously, my theory had been one along the lines of “In order for perfect hair to exist, hairstyling equipment must be applied to non-perfect hair, or HP =HN+ S(100,000)/T Where HP is perfect hair, HN normal hair, S the styling tool and T the style used, or number of areas applied to. This theory was put down on the appearance of Melancholykat’s hair, which is perfect of its own accord and destroys my equation."

To better understand just what makes perfect hair, theoretical hair is no longer applicable, as all theory on this subject has been obliterated in the above paragraph. We must examine the only known example of said perfect hair. Once again I return to that of Melancholykat. The characteristics of hair are not many.

The first characteristic is either curly or wavy, or straight hair. Curly/ wavy hair has an oval-shaped root. I can’t say as that I’ve seen the hair of Melancholykat up close, but it is my belief that it is fairly straight, with perhaps, some flare.
Characteristic number two lies in the thickness of the outer layer, also known as the cuticle. This is not to be confused with overall thickness of the hair, as thick hair can often be flexible and vice versa. Our subject appears to have something of a mix between the two.

The third characteristic is thickness. This is the overall diameter of the hair, not merely the outer layer. Once again, the measure falls in the middle of this category.

These are the natural characteristics of hair. All other characteristics can be altered by the hand of man, such as length, colour and moisture quantity. The hair of Melancholykat appears to selectively alter these characteristics, in the areas concerning the length, as with layering and length all together. Also altered is the colour, which is definitely a factor in the study of perfect hair.

In conclusion, at the present moment, we will find some 6.5 billion inhabitants of this planet we have named Earth. Only one has the hair of ultimate perfection. The population grows however. It last took 20-some years for the population to double, so it will take approx. 12 years this time, and that’s from 1999, thus 8 years left. If there’s one person with perfect hair now, with another 6 billion on the planet, another should immerge. Always keep your eyes open. It will not be everyday you see an example of perfect hair, so if you are fortunate enough to encounter this phenomenon, treat it as a gift from the gods and never forget it. Ever.

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