Friday Nights - the hidden agenda

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Friday Nights - the hidden agenda

Friday Nights are fairly regular occurrences - In an Earth Year you will be lucky enough to live through 52 of them. (If it were an ideal world -It'd be 42, I guess).

Generally they will appear after a Thursday and just prior to Saturday. Vendredi soir is an alternate name (If you are French, that is). Don't be fooled - despite their harmless appearance, Friday nights are very special...they have a hidden agenda, I felt you must be warned.An alien drinking cocktails

What's the basic idea of a 'Friday night'?

The objective of a Friday night is to see how many alcoholic drinks one can consume within a limited time period, if one can consume without parting with much needed cash then one may consider it a bonus.

The location varies from place to place, it all depends upon the individual - if he or she wishes to remain in a public house (affectionately referred to as a 'pub') then that is perfectly acceptable.

There are many types of drinks to consider during the Friday night process, however - I would split the drinks into three main categories.

1.Beers and Lager.

As I am a fairly illogical person, I will start with alco-pops. In my exulted opinion these taste like lemonade and should be avoided at all cost. They were designed to get 12 year olds drunk for a reasonable price. In any case, if you do decide to ignore my advice completely they come in many and varied flavours, such as; lemonade flavour, uh, orange, lemon, lime, lemon, etc.

Next, we progress to beer. Beer, or lager, is in my opinion the drink of the gods'. Beer tends to help you with your problems - everything seems perfect after about three pints - you come to rational and clear decisions which will solve all the problems which have been bothering you for weeks. Sadly, beer has a tendency to make you forget things, so in the morning - all your great ideas (that you were unquestionably going to implement within the next few days) are floating around the great ash-tray in the sky.

Spirits are a rather different form of alcoholic drink - they seem to get you drunk from the feet up. To clarify what I mean: After several glasses of 'Spirit X' you may feel fine, you voice seems to be working, you understand the person opposite, and you haven't gone blind. Unwittingly - the two of you have run out of supplies. That's your first mistake. Your second mistake is to offer another round.1 When you rise from your seat you realise that your legs have gone missing, and have been replaced by two ungainly pieces of celery. Your evening will then consist of falling over.

1 A round - usually more than one person is needed for this operation. Say, for example, there are three people at a round wooden platform with supports (a table) - one of the three will buy each a drink - everyone gets a beer. The beers are consumed with all due haste, the second person gets up and buys each member of the posse a beer. the drinks are consumed. This time it is your turn - everyone decides to have triple whiskeys.

Underage Drinking - and how to get away with it

The first way to get away with underage drinking is to get you mates/friends/colleagues/co-workers to buy the drink for you - hide in a dim and dusty part of the pub and hope.

The second and more effective way of getting away with it is to arrive wearing a suit, stilts and a false moustache. There is no way that they'll believe you are really legal, but because you have tried so hard (and look so silly) they will serve you.

If this still fails to work; go to another pub.

Some effects...

The first, and possibly the least worrying, is a tendency for the drinker to visit the toilet rather more often than usual - this hyper-urinary mega-frequency (Lots of wee a lot more than usual) disorder is partly due to the bodies reaction to the alcohol - the body wants to be rid of the alcohol as it is effectively a poison - and partly due to the increased level of water intake. Woman looking at men peeing

The attractability and attractivity factors.
Basically this relates to the amount of alcohol consumed. If the co-variables - alcohol consumed and attractiveness were to be plotted there would be a negative correlation, i.e. the more alcohol you drink the less attractive you become.

This one is slightly more complicated. OK, the amount of alcohol one consumes will affect(Or effect?) the way in which he or she perceives the attractiveness of a member of the opposite sex. OK, let's go for the correlation again. If the person has had little to drink - the perception of attractiveness of the other is low, if the amount of alcohol (AOA) is high - then so is the level of attractivity - a positive correlation.

Things begin to make less sense after a large amount of beer.
Things begin to make less sense.
After you alcohol consumption session has come to a conclusion you may find that making sense of anything becomes a hard, labourious task. To get around this, go to bed (Usually on a park bench or in a skip.)

The morning

The less said about the morning the better - but side effects may present themselves, these may include;

Vomiting (In severe cases)

Headaches (In most cases)

Disorientation (When you're in a skip)

The list goes on and on.

So, when you next experience a Friday night, you know what to do.

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