A Conversation for The Battle of El Alamein

Peer Review: A11505296 - The Battle of El Alamein

Post 1

bourne106

Entry: The Battle of El Alamein - A11505296
Author: bourne106 - U1505341

This is my next entry regarding battles from world war II.

I would appreciate all comments on whether is works as a brief description of the battle, or whether I've missed something important.

Thanks
Stu


A11505296 - The Battle of El Alamein

Post 2

echomikeromeo

This is a very interesting entry, bourne.smiley - ok I've got a few comments, though.

I think in your introduction you need to say explicitly that El Alamein is a battle of WWII. It may seem obvious, but you can't just edge around that - you have to be clear.

I'm not necessarily sure that this is negative, but your entry does seem to be very Anglo-centric. While the British did in fact win the battle, so perhaps that's natural, I'm not sure if the tone of the entry could or should be altered slightly to be more neutral. I'll reserve judgement on that until other reviewers give their opinions.

Briefly, also, the 'Introduction' header at the beginning should be removed, according to h2g2 style. All your s should be changed to s - also a style point.


A11505296 - The Battle of El Alamein

Post 3

McKay The Disorganised

Hi bourne - I'm not that familiar with the North Africa campaign, but your synopsis agrees with what I've read of the campaign. smiley - ok

Couple of typo's I noticed firstly you say sew-saw, should be see-saw, and secondly, twice in the last two paragraphs you have boasted instead of boosted.

smiley - cider


A11505296 - The Battle of El Alamein

Post 4

Elentari

smiley - book


A11505296 - The Battle of El Alamein

Post 5

Perseus

Hi Bourne,

I really enjoyed this entry, and learned somethings I hadn't known before (the best thing about the guide in my opinion!)

One or two minor points - calling Rommel "the erstwhile commander" in para 2 seems a little odd. Do you mean that he was no longer the commander at the time (unlikely I think) or that he is no longer the commander (unnecessary I think)?

Also, in the same para, Africa Corp should be Africa Corps. Personally I feel the German (Afrika Korps) would be more suitable; I think it is a well known phrase and not so dissimilar to the english that people can still understand it.

No time for more, as I am supposed to be working!

Psmiley - sheep


A11505296 - The Battle of El Alamein

Post 6

Jim Lane

Some comments, mostly minor language edits:

First paragraph: "The British army suffering defeats and winning victories in equal measure." -- not a complete sentence

Footnote: "On two occasions British forces were transferred out of the region to reinforce other fronts just as they are on the verge of final victory...." Inconsistent tenses. I suggest changing "they are on the verge" to "they were on the verge".

"Before the Battle" section:

"out manoeuvre their opponents" -- I would have written "outmaneuver" but even if you use the UK spelling, per h2g2 style, is UK usage to make it two words rather than one?

"centred on a small unknown railway town" -- well, it wasn't *completely* unknown; perhaps "obscure" or "little-known" would be better.

"this would be impossible at El Alamein, as the southern flank was protected by an impassable piece of salt marsh, known as the Qattara Depression, where tanks could not go." It may seem obvious, but add: "and the northern end of the British line extended to the seacoast."

"a little known and in-experienced desert campaigner named General Bernard Montgomery" -- "inexperienced" should be one unhyphenated word; the hyphen thus saved can be redeployed between "little" and "known" to clarify that "little" is an adverb modifying "known" rather than an adjective modifying "campaigner". Also, he wasn't *named* "General Bernard Montgomery" because the rank wasn't part of his name. Perhaps just drop the word "named" and put a comma after "campaigner" to turn the phrase into an appositive.

"waited for supposed reinforcements made available" -- the whole point you're making is that they weren't made available, so, to clarify, change to "waited for reinforcements supposed to be made available...."

"This all meant that as any one side advanced, their supplies became less reliable whilst the enemy’s situation improves, so, like being tied to a piece of elastic, each side eventually gets pulled back to their home port." More switching of tenses, plus I personally dislike using "they" as a singular pronoun. Some people employ it to avoid the awkward "he or she" but with an impersonal antecedent that's not an issue. Suggestion: "This all meant that as either side advanced, its supplies became less reliable whilst the enemy’s situation improved. It became harder for the more advanced army to resist being pushed back toward its home port."

"take you all the way to Tripoli" should be "take him all the way to Tripoli."

"At the same time, he’ll try and make the German forces steadily weaker...." Keep consistent verbs, he "would try", also "try to" not "try and".

"The Battle" section:

"Montgomery planned adopted First World War tactics...." -- remove "planned" because he actually adopted these tactics.

"as a way of breaking through the Germans." -- more precisely, "as a way of breaking through to the German lines." (because the idea of the minefields was to keep Montgomery's armor away from the German lines)

"All whilst the British sappers" should be "Meanwhile, the British sappers" to make it a complete sentence.

"the majority had to use their bayonets to slowly prodded along." -- this is wrong but I'm not sure what you mean. As they slowly prodded along? plodded along? prodded as they plodded?

"had no chance in stopping." -- Americans would say "no chance to stop" or "no chance of stopping"; is your phrase used in British English?

You noted Rommel's departure, so you should note his return. He was back in command when "the Axis forces had no choice but to disengage and retreat from Egypt."

"Trobruk" --> Tobruk

"destroying the Africa Corp once and for all." -- You changed other instances to "Afrika Korps", which I think is better, but you missed this one.

"After the Battle" section:

"the most importance outcome of the battle" -- most important

"Especially important, as from now on they would be fighting along side the American forces that now made up the majority of the manpower from now on." -- another sentence fragment

"Looking at the affect of the Battle of El Alamein on the overall outcome of the war, it can be concluded that even though it was an important victory for the British army, boosting their moral and their standing within the allies, it had little affect on the German war effort." -- two misused words: "moral" should be "morale" and "affect" should be "effect" (both times it occurs).

Generally:

You might improve the discussion of the overall strategic situation. Your last sentence may understate the importance of the campaign, given the disruption that could have been caused if Rommel had been able to break through to the Suez Canal and perhaps even the Mideast oil fields. Also, the quick passing reference to "the joint allied landings in French Algiers" could be expanded. The Operation Torch landings occurred just after the battle but had of course been planned for some time. Even if the Afrika Korps had remained intact and held a line somewhere between El Alamein and Tobruk, that would have been only a short-term respite, with the Allied forces closing in from the west as well as the east. Only with a victory at El Alamein could Rommel have averted being caught in a pincer movement.

Another aspect of the North African campaign was that the Allies intended the continued fighting there to provide some assistance to the USSR by diverting Axis resources, although the USSR and western leftists considered it to be quite inadequate as a "Second Front". That's probably beyond the scope of an entry on this particular battle, though.

I mention the strategic aspects as a possible point for improvement because I think your coverage of the tactics of the battle is already quite thorough, and I have no substantive changes to suggest.


A11505296 - The Battle of El Alamein

Post 7

bourne106

Thanks for all the comments so far smiley - cheers

I've made some changes, adding the spelling/grammar corrections and added some extra pieces. I've tried to make it less anglo-fied, which was difficult since it was very one-sided smiley - erm, and I hope it comes across less biased.

So what do you think?


A11505296 - The Battle of El Alamein

Post 8

Sho - gainfully employed again

just my thoughts while reading...

why would Rommel be infamous? I've not read that much about him but I was under the impression that he was a good (if not great) commander, and much respected on both sides.

Interesting article though, thanks. smiley - smiley

there some minor typos and a few little things in there, but apart from that I can't think of anything major.

smiley - ok


A11505296 - The Battle of El Alamein

Post 9

Sho - gainfully employed again

anyone home??


A11505296 - The Battle of El Alamein

Post 10

The H2G2 Editors

Very good entry Bourne. This will be going in to the Edited Guide but do you want to make any last-minute changes beforehand?


A11505296 - The Battle of El Alamein

Post 11

bourne106

No, I'm pretty happy with it. Thanks! smiley - cheers


A11505296 - The Battle of El Alamein

Post 12

The H2G2 Editors

Well donesmiley - ok


Congratulations - Your Entry has been Picked for the Edited Guide!

Post 13

h2g2 auto-messages

Your Guide Entry has just been picked from Peer Review by one of our Scouts, and is now heading off into the Editorial Process, which ends with publication in the Edited Guide. We've therefore moved this Review Conversation out of Peer Review and to the entry itself.

If you'd like to know what happens now, check out the page on 'What Happens after your Entry has been Recommended?' at EditedGuide-Process. We hope this explains everything.

Thanks for contributing to the Edited Guide!


Congratulations - Your Entry has been Picked for the Edited Guide!

Post 14

Elentari

Congratulations! Great job! smiley - smiley


Congratulations - Your Entry has been Picked for the Edited Guide!

Post 15

Perseus

Yes, very well done!

Psmiley - sheep


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Peer Review: A11505296 - The Battle of El Alamein

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