h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The story quite literally moved me to tears. It's not so long ago that I lost my own Dad to lung cancer, and it was very painful to see him suffer, unable to breathe but unwilling to give up. The strange thing is that I can see your story from a different perspective. I was the child of my fathers second marriage, and have a brother and three sisters from his first marriage. As I was growing up there was never much contact between my father and my brother, the odd phone call or visit to scotland but no real deep link. Myself, I had only seen my brother 3 or 4 times in my whole life. There had been some bad feeling between them for many reasons but when we found out that dad was dying my brother came to the hospital. It was hard on him to see his father this way, almost harder for him than for me, as he was surprised by the depths of his emotions. It did however give my father a sence of peace to see my brother there and to appologise for what he did wrong in the past. And he died knowing that although he could not make up for his errors he had at least made peace with his son. Dad's actual death made us both very emotional, again surprising my brother with how much it hurts to lose a parent, even one that you don't really know.

Some positive has come of this, I have gained a brother and I suppose he has as well. We talk regularly and share a surprising ammount of experiences tastes humour and outlook despite our 22 year age gap. Strangely the man my brother talks of as his father isn't the man I knew and vice versa, it is often hard to justify our separate experiences with the man we knew.

thank you for taking the time to read this....

The funeral took place yesterday, and I did find it quite difficult to say goodbye.

My half sister (the youngest of the three of us) didn't come in. But she waited outside, along with my mum and step-dad and was there to comfort me when the funeral finished.

Although there is no love there yet, I do feel a very strong bond towards her. Protective I suppose.

In time she will realise that having sisters is quite different to having brothers (our ex step brothers if that makes sense).

In time the memories we have of our father, will hopefully become good ones and not indifferent ones. I just feel as if I have wasted a little time now, but what has happened, has happened and I can't retrace those steps now.

I hope the memories become all good ones, and the others fade.
Don't worry about the wasted time, and have no regrets.
Build on the bond you have with your sister, though it has grown in sadness you make it what it becomes.
I know that everyone will be telling you to cheer up or let it all out, along with all the other standard things to say. They want to help, and let them, I found it hard to deal with all of the sympathy for me as it almost became overwhelming. But you will need some help sometimes so don't turn away an offer, for many people it will help with their own grief.
This isn't the only advice you will get, but it's part of what helped me to cope, and I hope it helps you. When times get hard it can become hard to "keep on keeping on". Call on others if you have to, if a random nickname from the internet can help post my space or here and I'll read whatevers on your mind and do what I can.

May your Dad rest in peace

It's quite strange - but I sort of feel "over it" already....I don't miss him, but those last few weeks at the hospital I suppose made me feel sort of, strange.....

I once said that when he died, I would dance on his grave with a bottle of brandy as a sign of dis-respect to him, but all I feel now is pity towards him. He seemed to have his life back on track, and to do something like that now makes me feel a little embarrased that I thought of doing that in the first place.

I suppose once his ashes are scattered, and when the three of us (the sisters that is) have sent a picture of us together up to him, I may feel this chapter is closed, but apart from that, I feel in "limbo".....

Limbo is a very good word for it, I've felt like I've been left on hold since January
Look after yourself

you tooo and thanks for stopping by to talk....my door is open most days