Introductions are horrible. Its okay once you get past the first one as
you've basically got free reign on your thoughts.

This is the terrible realisation that came to me once our esteemed editor Shazz gave me the position of UK Televisual Discusser of Flaws and Inaccuracies. In other words, the UK TV reviewer. You could say critic, but why have a death wish?

It's basically my job to do what everybody else does: Sit and moan about what the problems are with Television in the United Kingdom today with whoever is unfortunate enough to be sitting next to you. The difference being I have to get finger cramp.

Right, down to business having distracted you all with the world's worst introduction...

We are unfortunate enough to be in the era of 'Reality TV' and the number one culprit is Channel 4's Big Brother, currently in it's fourth incarnation.

I seem to be the only person that doesn't like this programme. I have been told that numerous people watch it because it is realistic and you people couldn't be more right. All you have to do is switch off your TV and stick a video camera in the corner of the room and talk. That's it. Just TALK!

When I switch on the TV, I want to watch programmes that take me away from reality or let me see the difference between my life and that of people in other countries. I don't want to see a group of people get together and talk. That's what you do when you go out. 'But they do tasks' I hear you cry. That's what you do when you're drunk having gone out. And there's the added bonus that you don't have to waste money texting to get rid of one your mates.

The programme is very simple: Talk. Argue. Do task. From the articles in the National Newspapers The Sun and The Mirror, it appears that people are tuning in to see love
affairs, which is nothing different from what you can see in 'soaps' which, once again, people assure me are realistic.

What makes this programme more enjoyable¹ is the live version, which E4 was kind enough to play throughout the night and most of the day. We don't even get to hear what the house 'mates' are saying, because they get censored by a
flying plane noise or birds tweeting, when they mention product names or companies - which they do A LOT, because they're just normal people talking about their everyday lives, which is tedious and boring.

It's a wonder people apply for the show when they say on audition tapes that they will: 'Bring chaos and originality to show'. These people of course (and there are many) are the one's who just sit back with their cups of coffee and say 'Tweet, tweet'. What none of
these contestants seem to grasp is that their only chance of winning is if they entertain the viewer, which they don't, leading to squabbles with the audience voting out those who are the better looking or the most backstabbing weasel. It's not too much to ask of TV executives to
produce quality television with characters who can evolve and not just have 12 versions of me sitting down and talking continuously about each others lives, is it?

I don't know about anybody else but I need imagination in my viewing!!!

03.07.03 Front Page

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