Ben & Jerry
Created | Updated Mar 29, 2002
Believed by this researcher to be demons from hell appearing in the form of American Ice Cream makers. Operating out of Vermont, their purpose on this Earth seems to be to propagate the deadly sin of Gluttony. Their frozen concoctions are so deliciously addictive they can only be the cursed work of the devil. Their frozen ice creams and yogurts are most commonly sold in 1-pint containers. These containers, once opened, cast a spell on the opener that makes it practically impossible to stop eating until all the contents have been devoured. No matter how many times you tell yourself "I'll just have a couple bites", you soon find yourself digging at chunks of white chocolate, peanut butter, or chocolate chip cookie dough saying just one more, just one more. Before you know it you've eaten more than half of the container. And you just know you can't put it away then because there's not enough left to satisfy the craving next time. So you end up swallowing your pride along with the rest of the ice cream. Ben & Jerry's evil creations come in such palette attracting flavors as Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough (which has frozen globs of raw cookie dough mixed into vanilla ice cream), New York Super Fudge Chunk, Chunky Monkey (Banana flavored ice cream with chocolate chunks), Chocolate Cherry Garcia frozen yogurt, and perhaps the most addictive of them all, Chubby Hubby (Peanut Butter filled Chocolate covered pretzels swimming in vanilla malt flavored ice cream with fudge and peanut butter swirls. Whew!) If you have any desire to maintain your current state of physical and mental health, do not eat Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream or Frozen Yogurts if you are on any kind of weight control or 12 step addiction programs. Otherwise, be bad, have fun. But remember to go to confession afterwards.
