A Conversation for Fritz Mühlenweg
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Writing Workshop: A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg
Methos (one half of the HHH Management) Started conversation Apr 18, 2003
Entry: Fritz Mühlenweg - A1016696
Author: Methos - U179462
Hi!
I finally decided to write an entry about Fritz Mühlenweg whose book "In Geheimer Mission durch die Wüste Gobi" is responsible if I end up unemployed.
I'm sending the entry here, because I'm not so good with the English punctuation. Also I'm not too happy with the end of it - so maybe somebody has an idea?
Methos
A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg
casper - shadow rider Posted May 2, 2003
Hi methos
I have only recently joined this site, and found your article when browsing the writing workshop, just after sending my first entry there.
I had never heard of Fritz Mühlenweg before, but would be willing to help you with your english punctuation(which I think is very good). There is not much to change.
caspershadow
A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg
There is only one thing worse than being Gosho, and that is not being Gosho Posted May 3, 2003
Hello Methos. You've written a very fine entry here, and there's little wrong with your punctuation at all There are only a few errors:
"After working at a wholesaling..."
Maybe that should be 'After working for a wholesaler'
"...started to work for the just founded airline Lufthansa."
'started to work for the newly founded...'
"In 1927 the Lufthansa..."
You don't 'the' before 'Lufthansa', it's a name. It would be like you calling me 'the Gosho'.
Is Sven Hedin particularly well known? It might be better just to say 'the Swedish adventurer'.
"In the winter of 1929/30 Fritz Mühlenweg's second journey to Central Asia followed"
Maybe that would read better as 'In the winter of 1929/30 Fritz Mühlenweg took a second journey to Central Asia'
"a language which is very hard to learn for a Eurpean since it's totally different than e.g. German or English."
Maybe 'a language which is very hard for a European to learn because it's so unlike European languages.'
"There he met his wife Elisabeth Kopriva"
She wasn't yet his wife when they met - that should be 'There he met his wife-to-be, Elisabeth Kopriva'
"which obviously didn't change much in the last 3000 years."
'which obviously hadn't changed much in 3000 years.'
"Already fascinated by the Asian culture and literature it were his seven children"
'Already fascinated by Asian culture and literature, it was his seven children'
"Throughout the whole book you can feel Fritz Mühlenweg's love for Mongolia and the Mongolian people, his respect for their culture and their customs."
'Throughout the whole book Fritz Mühlenweg's love for Mongolia and the Mongolian people, and his respect for their culture and their customs can clearly be felt.'
"time is a gift of the heaven for the humans"
'time is a gift of Heaven for humans'
"by being always hasty. But just like he never"
'by always being hasty. But just as he never'
"You could buy it as one thick book"
'It could be bought as one thick book'
"shortening of the text and the circumstance that it was considered as a children's book prevented that either the writer or the novel ever got the credit"
'shortening of the text and the fact that it was considered to be a children's book meant that neither the writer or the novel ever got the credit'
"The original title Fritz Mühlenweg had had in mind and under which it is now published is "Fremde auf dem Pfad der Nachdenklichkeit"7 and alludes up to a caravan way of the same name."
'The original title Fritz Mühlenweg had in mind, and under which it is now published, is "Fremde auf dem Pfad der Nachdenklichkeit". The book is about a caravan road of the same name.'
"In the last years German literary critics and Germanists finally re-discovered Fritz Mühlenweg so that he has finally started to get the credit he deserved"
'In recent years German literary critics and Germanists have re-discovered Fritz Mühlenweg's work, and at long last he is receiving the credit he deserves'
That might seem like a lot, but you've really done extremely well, and I think the end is just fine - can't see anything wrong with it. I think the entry is pretty much ready to go into Peer Review, and I'm very confident of it being recommended
A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg
casper - shadow rider Posted May 3, 2003
Hi Methos
I agree with everything Gosho says, particularly about what a good article it is.
I have a few further observations, which you may or may not want to use.
First, you use the full name 'Fritz Mühlenweg' too often for english tastes. Once you have told us who he is, it would be better if you just used he or his, or'Fritz', or 'Mühlenweg' if you wish.
Second, as an English reader, I found I had to keep stopping and going to the footnotes, to remind myself what the names meant. Can I suggest that when written for English readers, you should give the full original name first, followed by the translation in brackets, and from then on, use just the English name. e.g. "In geheimer Mission durch die Wüste Gobi"("On a secret mission through the Gobi desert")
I suggest that the usual (though not literal) translation for this is 'On a secret...,'.
I think also that the translation "Five past twelve at Urumtschi" should be "five past midnight...". Twelve is correct, but could also mean midday.
I would change 'In difference to his colleagues' to 'Unlike his.....'
I would change "if it takes you all night." to "no matter how long it takes."
There are a few minor spelling mistakes 'meteorological' 'colleagues' 'familiarity' 'listening' 'mistakes' 'successfully' 'coincidence' 'language' 'published'.
I would try to punctuate the longer sentences, with a few more comma's, but this is not essential.
I hope this helps, but once again I would like to say this is a very good article as it stands.
A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg
Methos (one half of the HHH Management) Posted May 6, 2003
Thank you all so much!
I changed the text according to your suggestions. And caspershadow, maybe you could tell me where you would put a few more commas since I haven't a feeling for that in English.
Also, Mosho, you suggested that I changed the part with the title of "Strangers on the Path of Pensiveness". But the book isn't so much about the caravan road but about the journey Mühlenweg and his colleagues took upon it.
Thanks again for the time you took with my entry. And I'm glad that you like it.
Methos
A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg
casper - shadow rider Posted May 6, 2003
Hi Methos,
I will do that in the next couple of days, as I am working on nights for the next 2 nights, and will not have much time.
Your changes have helped, but you have missed some of the "the Lufthansa" changes to just "Lufthansa".
When giving the book names for the first time, you could put the English name in brackets () after the first use of the German name, rather than using footnotes.
I would also change his full name to just "Mühlenweg" or "Fritz", throughout the article, except the first mention in the first paragraph.
Cheers for now
A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg
Methos (one half of the HHH Management) Posted May 6, 2003
Damn, but I thought I only mentioned "the Lufthansa" once but no, you were right. I hope, I got all of them now.
I also followed you advice about putting the English translations in brackets. And I already changed most of the "Fritz Mühlenweg"s into just Mühlenweg.
Take your time since I'm thinking about a few more changes to the entry anyway.
Methos
A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg
casper - shadow rider Posted May 8, 2003
Hi Methos,
This looks a lot, but it is mostly just changes to punctuation. All of this is just suggestion, and is not vital, as what you have written is perfectly understandable. (I only wish I could use your language half as well as you use mine).
Why not try it in Peer Review, I'm sure i'll do well.
caspershadow
In the first and second section.
Remove ‘Fritz’ from ‘thousands of children Fritz Mühlenweg's books’ and ‘Fritz Mühlenweg was born…’.
Put comma’s at ‘at heart, and so…’, and ‘went to Berlin, where…’.
In the section ‘Going south’.
Put commas at ‘Central Asia, conducted…’, ‘said area, because…’, ‘Inner Mongolia, where’.
Change ‘Unlike his colleagues Fritz Mühlenweg’ to ‘Unlike his colleagues, Mühlenweg’.
Add comma ‘European to learn, because…’.
Remove extra ‘at’ ‘German working at at Lufthansa's’.
In the section ‘Back in Europe’.
Remove ‘Fritz’ after ‘1932’.
Add comma ‘to Europe, to make…’.
Change ‘never even sympathized’ to ‘never sympathized’.
Add comma at ‘regime in Germany, but….’, and ‘non-political person, he….’.
In the section ‘Writing’.
Add comma at ‘Bordeaux worthwhile, had…’ and ‘Bamboo"), which was…’.
Change ‘Fritz Mühlenweg basically…’ to ‘Mühlenweg basically…’.
Add comma’s at ’time long passed, and…’ and ‘problems, which…’.
Change ‘of Fritz Mühlenweg's career…’ to ‘of his career…’.
Add comma's at ‘Central Asia, by…’, and‘his family, while…’ and ‘Central Asia, and the trip…’ and ‘short story, but…’.
I would change ‘inspired by his own experiences in Central Asia, above all in the Gobi desert’, to ‘inspired by his experiences, particularly those in the Gobi desert’.
Add comma’s at ‘This book, which…’, and ‘Desert"), tells…’. Change ‘the Chinese boy’ to ‘a Chinese boy’.
Add comma at ‘20th century, and are…’.
Remove the ‘fritz’ at ‘book Fritz Mühlenweg's…’.
Add comma at ‘their customs, can…’.
Change ‘the reader, for example that…’ to ‘the reader. For example, that…’.
Add comma's at ‘his journeys, that the…’, and ‘Mongolian language, which…’, and ‘a school, but…’, and ‘Mongolian words, when…’, and ‘short phrase, or he…’, and ‘reader, not only the strangeness, but also…’.
Add comma’s at ‘first novel, but now…’, and ‘it published, and so…’, and ‘thick book, with the…’ and ‘Gobi Desert", or in two…’.
Put the English translation in brackets, after "Großer-Tiger und Kompaß-Berg" and "Null Uhr fünf in Urumtschi".
Put comma’s at ‘so great idea, that it…’, and ‘shortened, because young…’, and ‘Christian", under which…’.
Put comma’s at ‘the text, and the…’, and ‘children's book, meant…’, and ‘his book, and with…’ and ‘his book, which was…’. Change ‘real "literature" to "real literature".
Change ‘Gobi Desert" Fritz Mühlenweg published…’ to ‘Gobi Desert", Mühlenweg published…’.
Put the English translation, in brackets, after "Das Tal ohne Wiederkehr".
Add comma’s at ‘by the publisher, to lure…’, and ‘Karl May, or by…’.
Change ‘title Fritz Mühlenweg had …’ to ‘title he had…’. Change ‘and alludes up to a…’ to ‘which refers to a…’.
Change ‘journal although Fritz Mühlenweg did…’, to ‘journal, although he did…’.
Add a comma at ‘the Gobi Desert", you can feel…’, and at ‘language, in every word…’.
In the section ‘His Legacy’.
Remove ‘Fritz’ at the start.
Add a comma at ‘people, also made…’.
Change ‘expressions Fritz Mühlenweg quotes in his books not only’ to ‘expressions he quotes in his books, not only…’.
Add a comma at ‘language, but is also…’, and at ‘linguistic value, since…’.
A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg
Methos (one half of the HHH Management) Posted May 9, 2003
Thank you so very, very much, caspershadow! That must have taken you an awful lot of time. I really, really appreciate that. I'd love to give you a or at least to bake you a or at least to offer you some but since I can't do that - THANK YOU!!!
And I plan to put it into Peer Review, but since I'm thinking about adding a bit more about Mühlenweg's book "Small Mongolian Secrets" I'm going to wait until I either decide to add that bit more or not to add it. If that made any sense.
Methos
A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg
casper - shadow rider Posted May 9, 2003
Methos
you are more than welcome, friend. Good luck with the additions you plan. And don't tell anyone, but I did it during a quiet period at work.
And I have received a lot of help from others on my first work, so that seems to be the way h2g2 works, all helping each other.
Having read your work, I have decided to read him myself.
A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg
Methos (one half of the HHH Management) Posted May 13, 2003
Oh, you're gonna read Fritz Mühlenweg now? Because of my entry? That would be so great because his books are kind of a part of me. Well, I did chose Mongolian studies because of them.
Methos
A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg
casper - shadow rider Posted May 13, 2003
Hi Methos
yes, I'm going to take one of his books with me on holiday to Tenerife in July.
I do not get to read a lot at home, but like to relax with a book when away.
I have a varied taste in books, liking crime thrillers, comedy, sci-fi and fantasy. I have read the full 'Lord of the Rings' 3 times.
The best thrillers I have read are 'The day of the Jackel' (much better than the film), and 'The Firm'. The ending was changed for the film, which I found disappointing.
Which of Mühlenweg's books would you suggest I take, assuming I can get hold of it
A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg
There is only one thing worse than being Gosho, and that is not being Gosho Posted May 13, 2003
Are you ready to submit this entry to Peer Review Methos? I'd say it's ripe and ready for submission
Oh, one thing I've just noticed - 'chemist's shop'. I think that should be 'chemists shop' - without the apostrophe.
A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg
There is only one thing worse than being Gosho, and that is not being Gosho Posted May 13, 2003
Just because I'm a Scout doesn't make your input any less worthy casper - there are many Researchers who have greater knowledge than I do, particualrly when it comes to specific subjects.
And I've just noticed that Methos said he wants to do more work on it anyway
A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg
Methos (one half of the HHH Management) Posted May 14, 2003
No, I just decided not to change anything. So I would put it tino Peer Review if nobody finds more mistakes or anything. Oh, and I did correct the chemists shop, Gosho.
Methos
A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg
There is only one thing worse than being Gosho, and that is not being Gosho Posted May 14, 2003
Looking forward to seeing it there
When you submit it, add this text in the submission box
This entry has already spent some time in the Writing Workshop and the WW thread is here: F57153?thread=268149
so that everyone in PR can read the comments which have been made here before making their own in the Peer Review thread
A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg
Methos (one half of the HHH Management) Posted May 14, 2003
Erh, do I have to take the entry out of the Writing Workshop first before I can submit it into Peer Review? And if I do, how do I do that? Because I can't find that "Submit to..." button next to the entry.
Methos
A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg
There is only one thing worse than being Gosho, and that is not being Gosho Posted May 14, 2003
Yes you do. Click on the 'Writing Workshop' link at the top of this conversation. Once there, find this entry in the list and you'll see either a 'x' or the word 'Remove' next to it, depending on which skin you use. Click on that link and this entry will be taken out of the Writing Workshop.
Then you should find that the 'Submit entry' button reappears on the entry (it might not happen until later today - the h2g2 database is only updated once a day, around midnight UK time I think). Once you see it there you can submit the entry to Peer Review
A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg
Methos (one half of the HHH Management) Posted May 16, 2003
Aha, okay, I got it. And the submit-button was there right away. Obviously h2g2 has gotten faster.
Thanks again to all of you for you help!
Methos
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Writing Workshop: A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg
- 1: Methos (one half of the HHH Management) (Apr 18, 2003)
- 2: casper - shadow rider (May 2, 2003)
- 3: There is only one thing worse than being Gosho, and that is not being Gosho (May 3, 2003)
- 4: casper - shadow rider (May 3, 2003)
- 5: Methos (one half of the HHH Management) (May 6, 2003)
- 6: casper - shadow rider (May 6, 2003)
- 7: Methos (one half of the HHH Management) (May 6, 2003)
- 8: casper - shadow rider (May 8, 2003)
- 9: Methos (one half of the HHH Management) (May 9, 2003)
- 10: casper - shadow rider (May 9, 2003)
- 11: Methos (one half of the HHH Management) (May 13, 2003)
- 12: casper - shadow rider (May 13, 2003)
- 13: There is only one thing worse than being Gosho, and that is not being Gosho (May 13, 2003)
- 14: casper - shadow rider (May 13, 2003)
- 15: There is only one thing worse than being Gosho, and that is not being Gosho (May 13, 2003)
- 16: Methos (one half of the HHH Management) (May 14, 2003)
- 17: There is only one thing worse than being Gosho, and that is not being Gosho (May 14, 2003)
- 18: Methos (one half of the HHH Management) (May 14, 2003)
- 19: There is only one thing worse than being Gosho, and that is not being Gosho (May 14, 2003)
- 20: Methos (one half of the HHH Management) (May 16, 2003)
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