A Conversation for Fritz Mühlenweg

Writing Workshop: A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg

Post 1

Methos (one half of the HHH Management)

Entry: Fritz Mühlenweg - A1016696
Author: Methos - U179462

Hi!

I finally decided to write an entry about Fritz Mühlenweg whose book "In Geheimer Mission durch die Wüste Gobi" is responsible if I end up unemployed. smiley - smiley

I'm sending the entry here, because I'm not so good with the English punctuation. Also I'm not too happy with the end of it - so maybe somebody has an idea?

Methos


A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg

Post 2

casper - shadow rider

Hi methos
I have only recently joined this site, and found your article when browsing the writing workshop, just after sending my first entry there.
I had never heard of Fritz Mühlenweg before, but would be willing to help you with your english punctuation(which I think is very good). There is not much to change.
caspershadow smiley - ghost


A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg

Post 3

There is only one thing worse than being Gosho, and that is not being Gosho

Hello Methos. You've written a very fine entry here, and there's little wrong with your punctuation at all smiley - biggrin There are only a few errors:

"After working at a wholesaling..."
Maybe that should be 'After working for a wholesaler'

"...started to work for the just founded airline Lufthansa."
'started to work for the newly founded...'

"In 1927 the Lufthansa..."
You don't 'the' before 'Lufthansa', it's a name. It would be like you calling me 'the Gosho'.

Is Sven Hedin particularly well known? It might be better just to say 'the Swedish adventurer'.

"In the winter of 1929/30 Fritz Mühlenweg's second journey to Central Asia followed"
Maybe that would read better as 'In the winter of 1929/30 Fritz Mühlenweg took a second journey to Central Asia'

"a language which is very hard to learn for a Eurpean since it's totally different than e.g. German or English."
Maybe 'a language which is very hard for a European to learn because it's so unlike European languages.'

"There he met his wife Elisabeth Kopriva"
She wasn't yet his wife when they met - that should be 'There he met his wife-to-be, Elisabeth Kopriva'

"which obviously didn't change much in the last 3000 years."
'which obviously hadn't changed much in 3000 years.'

"Already fascinated by the Asian culture and literature it were his seven children"
'Already fascinated by Asian culture and literature, it was his seven children'

"Throughout the whole book you can feel Fritz Mühlenweg's love for Mongolia and the Mongolian people, his respect for their culture and their customs."
'Throughout the whole book Fritz Mühlenweg's love for Mongolia and the Mongolian people, and his respect for their culture and their customs can clearly be felt.'

"time is a gift of the heaven for the humans"
'time is a gift of Heaven for humans'

"by being always hasty. But just like he never"
'by always being hasty. But just as he never'

"You could buy it as one thick book"
'It could be bought as one thick book'

"shortening of the text and the circumstance that it was considered as a children's book prevented that either the writer or the novel ever got the credit"
'shortening of the text and the fact that it was considered to be a children's book meant that neither the writer or the novel ever got the credit'

"The original title Fritz Mühlenweg had had in mind and under which it is now published is "Fremde auf dem Pfad der Nachdenklichkeit"7 and alludes up to a caravan way of the same name."
'The original title Fritz Mühlenweg had in mind, and under which it is now published, is "Fremde auf dem Pfad der Nachdenklichkeit". The book is about a caravan road of the same name.'

"In the last years German literary critics and Germanists finally re-discovered Fritz Mühlenweg so that he has finally started to get the credit he deserved"
'In recent years German literary critics and Germanists have re-discovered Fritz Mühlenweg's work, and at long last he is receiving the credit he deserves'

That might seem like a lot, but you've really done extremely well, and I think the end is just fine - can't see anything wrong with it. I think the entry is pretty much ready to go into Peer Review, and I'm very confident of it being recommended smiley - biggrin


A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg

Post 4

casper - shadow rider

Hi Methos
I agree with everything Gosho says, particularly about what a good article it is.
I have a few further observations, which you may or may not want to use.

First, you use the full name 'Fritz Mühlenweg' too often for english tastes. Once you have told us who he is, it would be better if you just used he or his, or'Fritz', or 'Mühlenweg' if you wish.

Second, as an English reader, I found I had to keep stopping and going to the footnotes, to remind myself what the names meant. Can I suggest that when written for English readers, you should give the full original name first, followed by the translation in brackets, and from then on, use just the English name. e.g. "In geheimer Mission durch die Wüste Gobi"("On a secret mission through the Gobi desert")

I suggest that the usual (though not literal) translation for this is 'On a secret...,'.

I think also that the translation "Five past twelve at Urumtschi" should be "five past midnight...". Twelve is correct, but could also mean midday.

I would change 'In difference to his colleagues' to 'Unlike his.....'

I would change "if it takes you all night." to "no matter how long it takes."


There are a few minor spelling mistakes 'meteorological' 'colleagues' 'familiarity' 'listening' 'mistakes' 'successfully' 'coincidence' 'language' 'published'.

I would try to punctuate the longer sentences, with a few more comma's, but this is not essential.

I hope this helps, but once again I would like to say this is a very good article as it stands.

smiley - ghostsmiley - cheers


A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg

Post 5

Methos (one half of the HHH Management)

Thank you all so much!

I changed the text according to your suggestions. And caspershadow, maybe you could tell me where you would put a few more commas since I haven't a feeling for that in English.

Also, Mosho, you suggested that I changed the part with the title of "Strangers on the Path of Pensiveness". But the book isn't so much about the caravan road but about the journey Mühlenweg and his colleagues took upon it.

Thanks again for the time you took with my entry. And I'm glad that you like it. smiley - smiley

Methos


A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg

Post 6

casper - shadow rider

Hi Methos,
I will do that in the next couple of days, as I am working on nights for the next 2 nights, and will not have much time.
Your changes have helped, but you have missed some of the "the Lufthansa" changes to just "Lufthansa".
When giving the book names for the first time, you could put the English name in brackets () after the first use of the German name, rather than using footnotes.
I would also change his full name to just "Mühlenweg" or "Fritz", throughout the article, except the first mention in the first paragraph.
Cheers for now
smiley - ghostsmiley - cheers


A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg

Post 7

Methos (one half of the HHH Management)

Damn, but I thought I only mentioned "the Lufthansa" once but no, you were right. I hope, I got all of them now.

I also followed you advice about putting the English translations in brackets. And I already changed most of the "Fritz Mühlenweg"s into just Mühlenweg.

Take your time since I'm thinking about a few more changes to the entry anyway. smiley - smiley

Methos


A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg

Post 8

casper - shadow rider

Hi Methos,
This looks a lot, but it is mostly just changes to punctuation. All of this is just suggestion, and is not vital, as what you have written is perfectly understandable. (I only wish I could use your language half as well as you use mine).
Why not try it in Peer Review, I'm sure i'll do well.
caspershadow smiley - ghost

In the first and second section.
Remove ‘Fritz’ from ‘thousands of children Fritz Mühlenweg's books’ and ‘Fritz Mühlenweg was born…’.
Put comma’s at ‘at heart, and so…’, and ‘went to Berlin, where…’.

In the section ‘Going south’.
Put commas at ‘Central Asia, conducted…’, ‘said area, because…’, ‘Inner Mongolia, where’.
Change ‘Unlike his colleagues Fritz Mühlenweg’ to ‘Unlike his colleagues, Mühlenweg’.
Add comma ‘European to learn, because…’.
Remove extra ‘at’ ‘German working at at Lufthansa's’.

In the section ‘Back in Europe’.
Remove ‘Fritz’ after ‘1932’.
Add comma ‘to Europe, to make…’.
Change ‘never even sympathized’ to ‘never sympathized’.
Add comma at ‘regime in Germany, but….’, and ‘non-political person, he….’.

In the section ‘Writing’.
Add comma at ‘Bordeaux worthwhile, had…’ and ‘Bamboo"), which was…’.
Change ‘Fritz Mühlenweg basically…’ to ‘Mühlenweg basically…’.
Add comma’s at ’time long passed, and…’ and ‘problems, which…’.
Change ‘of Fritz Mühlenweg's career…’ to ‘of his career…’.
Add comma's at ‘Central Asia, by…’, and‘his family, while…’ and ‘Central Asia, and the trip…’ and ‘short story, but…’.
I would change ‘inspired by his own experiences in Central Asia, above all in the Gobi desert’, to ‘inspired by his experiences, particularly those in the Gobi desert’.
Add comma’s at ‘This book, which…’, and ‘Desert"), tells…’. Change ‘the Chinese boy’ to ‘a Chinese boy’.
Add comma at ‘20th century, and are…’.
Remove the ‘fritz’ at ‘book Fritz Mühlenweg's…’.
Add comma at ‘their customs, can…’.
Change ‘the reader, for example that…’ to ‘the reader. For example, that…’.
Add comma's at ‘his journeys, that the…’, and ‘Mongolian language, which…’, and ‘a school, but…’, and ‘Mongolian words, when…’, and ‘short phrase, or he…’, and ‘reader, not only the strangeness, but also…’.
Add comma’s at ‘first novel, but now…’, and ‘it published, and so…’, and ‘thick book, with the…’ and ‘Gobi Desert", or in two…’.
Put the English translation in brackets, after "Großer-Tiger und Kompaß-Berg" and "Null Uhr fünf in Urumtschi".
Put comma’s at ‘so great idea, that it…’, and ‘shortened, because young…’, and ‘Christian", under which…’.
Put comma’s at ‘the text, and the…’, and ‘children's book, meant…’, and ‘his book, and with…’ and ‘his book, which was…’. Change ‘real "literature" to "real literature".
Change ‘Gobi Desert" Fritz Mühlenweg published…’ to ‘Gobi Desert", Mühlenweg published…’.
Put the English translation, in brackets, after "Das Tal ohne Wiederkehr".
Add comma’s at ‘by the publisher, to lure…’, and ‘Karl May, or by…’.
Change ‘title Fritz Mühlenweg had …’ to ‘title he had…’. Change ‘and alludes up to a…’ to ‘which refers to a…’.
Change ‘journal although Fritz Mühlenweg did…’, to ‘journal, although he did…’.
Add a comma at ‘the Gobi Desert", you can feel…’, and at ‘language, in every word…’.

In the section ‘His Legacy’.
Remove ‘Fritz’ at the start.
Add a comma at ‘people, also made…’.
Change ‘expressions Fritz Mühlenweg quotes in his books not only’ to ‘expressions he quotes in his books, not only…’.
Add a comma at ‘language, but is also…’, and at ‘linguistic value, since…’.


A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg

Post 9

Methos (one half of the HHH Management)

Thank you so very, very much, caspershadow! That must have taken you an awful lot of time. I really, really appreciate that. I'd love to give you a smiley - gift or at least to bake you a smiley - cake or at least to offer you some smiley - strawberries but since I can't do that - THANK YOU!!!

And I plan to put it into Peer Review, but since I'm thinking about adding a bit more about Mühlenweg's book "Small Mongolian Secrets" I'm going to wait until I either decide to add that bit more or not to add it. If that made any sense. smiley - winkeye

Methos smiley - peacedove


A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg

Post 10

casper - shadow rider

Methos
you are more than welcome, friend. Good luck with the additions you plan. And don't tell anyone, but I did it during a quiet period at work. smiley - biggrin

And I have received a lot of help from others on my first work, so that seems to be the way h2g2 works, all helping each other.

Having read your work, I have decided to read him myself.
smiley - ok


A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg

Post 11

Methos (one half of the HHH Management)

Oh, you're gonna read Fritz Mühlenweg now? Because of my entry? That would be so great because his books are kind of a part of me. Well, I did chose Mongolian studies because of them.

Methos smiley - peacedove


A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg

Post 12

casper - shadow rider

Hi Methos
yes, I'm going to take one of his books with me on holiday to Tenerife in July.smiley - ok

I do not get to read a lot at home, but like to relax with a book when away.

I have a varied taste in books, liking crime thrillers, comedy, sci-fi and fantasy. I have read the full 'Lord of the Rings' 3 times.
The best thrillers I have read are 'The day of the Jackel' (much better than the film), and 'The Firm'. The ending was changed for the film, which I found disappointing.

Which of Mühlenweg's books would you suggest I take, assuming I can get hold of it


A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg

Post 13

There is only one thing worse than being Gosho, and that is not being Gosho

Are you ready to submit this entry to Peer Review Methos? I'd say it's ripe and ready for submission smiley - smiley

Oh, one thing I've just noticed - 'chemist's shop'. I think that should be 'chemists shop' - without the apostrophe.


A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg

Post 14

casper - shadow rider

Hi methos,
praise from Gosho, a scout, counts for a lot more than my input.
Go for it, friend.
smiley - oksmiley - biggrinsmiley - ghost


A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg

Post 15

There is only one thing worse than being Gosho, and that is not being Gosho

smiley - blush

Just because I'm a Scout doesn't make your input any less worthy casper - there are many Researchers who have greater knowledge than I do, particualrly when it comes to specific subjects.

And I've just noticed that Methos said he wants to do more work on it anyway smiley - doh


A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg

Post 16

Methos (one half of the HHH Management)

No, I just decided not to change anything. So I would put it tino Peer Review if nobody finds more mistakes or anything. Oh, and I did correct the chemists shop, Gosho. smiley - smiley

Methos smiley - peacedove


A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg

Post 17

There is only one thing worse than being Gosho, and that is not being Gosho

Looking forward to seeing it there smiley - ok

When you submit it, add this text in the submission box

This entry has already spent some time in the Writing Workshop and the WW thread is here: F57153?thread=268149

so that everyone in PR can read the comments which have been made here before making their own in the Peer Review thread smiley - smiley

smiley - geeksmiley - online2longsmiley - stiffdrinksmiley - hangoversmiley - ok


A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg

Post 18

Methos (one half of the HHH Management)

Erh, do I have to take the entry out of the Writing Workshop first before I can submit it into Peer Review? And if I do, how do I do that? Because I can't find that "Submit to..." button next to the entry.

Methos smiley - peacedove


A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg

Post 19

There is only one thing worse than being Gosho, and that is not being Gosho

Yes you do. Click on the 'Writing Workshop' link at the top of this conversation. Once there, find this entry in the list and you'll see either a 'x' or the word 'Remove' next to it, depending on which skin you use. Click on that link and this entry will be taken out of the Writing Workshop.

Then you should find that the 'Submit entry' button reappears on the entry (it might not happen until later today - the h2g2 database is only updated once a day, around midnight UK time I think). Once you see it there you can submit the entry to Peer Review smiley - ok

smiley - geeksmiley - online2longsmiley - stiffdrinksmiley - hangoversmiley - ok


A1016696 - Fritz Mühlenweg

Post 20

Methos (one half of the HHH Management)

Aha, okay, I got it. And the submit-button was there right away. Obviously h2g2 has gotten faster. smiley - smiley

Thanks again to all of you for you help!

Methos smiley - peacedove


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