The Beasty Conspiracy

0 Conversations

A conspired analyzation of the human kind

Ghosts? Astral Projections? The Sixth Sense? What other supernatural factors can we filter out that have distinctively originated from the ape, formally known as 'man'. Well, you may not have heard of this creature before, we've just discovered it's species. There are few, and to see one would be extremely rare. 'Man' is the abbreviation of 'Master of Astral Nonsense'... and he has a weird psychology. It's history is untraceable but some scientists believe it may have evolved from the worm or the slug. Behind this discovery is a group of fine young mortals, from the acclaimed Institute of Buncombe in Medival Orleans, ISA. The President of ISA, Mr. Gorge Shrub rewarded these fine mortals with encouraging words - "Keep on growing guys, and hold on to your roots". The whole institute observed the juncture, and they paid their respects to their nation's president... "May the soil be fertile, may my leaves be green, May someone water my scalp, hey.... where's my cream". The fourth estate arrived at the scene a decade before, and was perplexed by all that was happening. The researchers later proved they were perplexed not because of all the poignant words, but because they had been residing here for about a millenium. This caused them to be crucified, next to Rob Halford, and in the same position Judas' priest was in... inverted, cross legged, arms spread out, body coiled and mouth open, with microphone stuck in. One journalist, Mr. Sahityakar said, "Though they might have passed away, their work will forever remain," and added, "so burn them carcass already and get it over with". The bill referring to this statement was passed to the president, who had it blindly approved by his canine, George. Later, the chairperson of the Institute of Buncombe, Mr. Koyralis revealed 'his' study. Here are extracts from the official report:

Code 42 clearly proves that Man has released man, from what - well, that doesn't matter. Man has been originated either from the slug, or the worm, or possibly from both. For next hundred years, this atrocity of a conspiracy shall remain, and not reveal that this report is hogwash. Dr. Grassjumper and Dr. Xnail have been testing out some deliberately false experiments to prove their point.

From his experiments and DFE (Deliberately False Experiments), we have reached conclusions, which have been double-checked for your convenience, and has been scanned with peripheral vision, which, luckily, didn't tip off.

Some Case:
Subject remains quiet, a moskqwitou has been released into the four-walled board, where 'man' has been protected with a net. We have reason to believe man has secured the net tightly, not to let any hideous stuff get in. Man will be referred to as 'he' hereafter, as Dr. Xnail finds that amusing. As Nox is over with, he awakes, and finds a moskqwitou buzzing inside the net. Man is puzzled. He believes there is not possible and legal way for the creature to get into his net, but his thoughts remain un-diverted and focused on going to the commode domain.

Here, we prove that man has a strong sense of superiority. This subject, named Bill Doors, or William Duckry Doors, in his appartment Microhard, has no sense of intelligence in any other living/dead form except his counterparts, that too, entirely inferior ones. Th fact that he did not even come inches close thinking that the moskqwitou had used psychic powers, aura, mental strengh, psychokinesis, and clairvoyance, surprised the two researchers. Then, Dr. Grassjumper writes an untitled poem titled 'Untitled':

Man, how we discovered you, dudes

And how we fell into feuds

To decide it was our queue

To realize you're an obtuse clue

You believed none was more

Superior to your door

Inside your oval skull

Which we made dead and dull

Man, how you came to destroy

Your own true conspired ploy

But in vain, was distracted by a toy

Sent to us by Doctor Kabloy

That is all we have of the poem, the rest was devoured by his canine. Anyway, man did not realize insects had supernatural phenomena too, along with witches, zombies, ghosts, eddies, poltergeists, spirits, haunts and psychic powers. As man thinketh, they are the only ones on the other side, while us, gods, are some steps in front of them - exact figure better left untold, or unknown.

As one can see, this created a lot of controversy and doubts. These researchers had proved man to be dullard, and critics inquired, "So you think you're smart, eh?". Researchers claim that though their work was not fully appreciated, but are happy with the results… and that they have no idea how Dr. Queenfisher died, a claim to a fact that hadn't been published just as yet. As the rants go on, the mysteries of man will remain unsolved (or atleast, that's what the researchers, Mr.Shrub, the critics and the International State of Assasination - ISA hope). The deceased docter's final words were, after referring to the Handbook of Selecting/Creating the best Final Words, were 'The conspiracy shall always be left unsolved and unsatisfied".

Bookmark on your Personal Space

Conversations About This Entry

There are no Conversations for this Entry



Infinite Improbability Drive

Infinite Improbability Drive

Read a random Edited Entry


h2g2 is created by h2g2's users, who are members of the public. The views expressed are theirs and unless specifically stated are not those of the Not Panicking Ltd. Unlike Edited Entries, Entries have not been checked by an Editor. If you consider any Entry to be in breach of the site's House Rules, please register a complaint. For any other comments, please visit the Feedback page.

Write an Entry

"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a wholly remarkable book. It has been compiled and recompiled many times and under many different editorships. It contains contributions from countless numbers of travellers and researchers."

Write an entry
Read more