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The Hillbilly Gourmet: Mini-Meatloaves for Dinner

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Mini-meatloaves hot from the oven

You want a tasty meal, but you don't feel like doing any elaborate cooking. You aren't a vegan1. All you've got in the fridge is some ground beef (mince) and a few odds and ends. Here's the lazy person's guide to a delightful meal: mini-meatloaf dinner.

How to Make This and Still Watch Your TV Show

1. For each prospective diner, wrap a clean potato in aluminium foil and place in a hot oven (400°F or 200°C) to bake for about an hour. We recommend Idaho potatoes, but you do you.

Now make the meat loaves.

You will need:

  • A quarter pound (125g, give or take) ground beef (mince) for each person. If you prefer, use ground pork, lamb, or turkey, or a mixture.
  • A quarter of a medium onion for each meat loaf, finely chopped.
  • Salt, pepper, parsley to taste.
  • 1 tablespoon (or use a soup spoon - it won't kill you and we won't tell the Bureau of Standards) powdered onion soup mix for each loaf. Or use a quarter teaspoon each of onion powder and beef bouillon.
  • 4 tablespoons (ditto) of flour, gluten-free flour mix, or ground oats for each loaf.
  • 2 generous squirts of yellow mustard, your favourite brand (not Grey Poupon! What are you, a gourmand?), for each loaf.
  • More mustard and a bottle of ketchup2.

Very scientific instructions:

  1. You do not need to preheat the oven, as it is already very hot due to the potatoes that are baking within.
  2. In a mixing bowl, throw together the meat, finely chopped onions, salt and spices, and flour (or oats). Squirt mustard over everything.
  3. Wash your hands.
  4. Now proceed to knead the mixture together. Pretend you are a toddler with clay. Knead until the whole mixture is well mixed. Have fun with it. Sing a homemade ditty such as 'I've been working on the meat loaf...'
  5. When everything is kneaded together, mould the mixture into the number of mini-meatloaves you desire. Place them in a foil-lined pan (for easy cleanup), about an inch and a half (3.8cm) apart.
  6. Remember the ketchup and mustard? Mix equal quantities of each together in a small bowl. Using a basting brush (or your fingers, if you want to be really primitive about it), coat the outside of the mini-meatloaves with this mixture. Trust us, this will taste better than it sounds.
  7. Put in the oven next to the already-baking potatoes. Bake for about 45 minutes or until done to your satisfaction.

Serve with a salad or some vegetables so you don't hear your mother's voice in your head scolding you.

If you've eaten this balanced meal, reward yourself with ice cream or sorbet for dessert.

A handy tip: if you have food snobs among your acquaintance, do not show them this recipe or allow them in the kitchen during preparation. When they smell the good odours coming from the kitchen, smile mysteriously. Serve on fancy plates and don't admit anything.

1We just don't know a good vegan version of this recipe. We recommend you try vegan lasagna instead.2If you spell it 'catsup', why are you reading this?

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