A Conversation for 'Jay and Silent Bob Reboot' - the Film

Edited Guide Writing Workshop: A87965888 - 'Jay and Silent Bob Reboot' - the Film

Post 1

Bluebottle

Entry: 'Jay and Silent Bob Reboot' - the Film - A87965888
Author: Bluebottle - U43530

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A87965888 - 'Jay and Silent Bob Reboot' - the Film

Post 2

Gnomon - time to move on

Jay and Silent Bob Reboot

105-minutes long --> 105 minutes long

the seventh and, to date last, film
-- If you put a phrase in commas like this, it should be possible to omit it and what's left should still make sense. In this case leaving out the phrase in commas gives:

the seventh and film

Change it to either:

the seventh and, to date, last film

or

the seventh and to date last film

between the Quick Stop and Mall in Leonardo, New Jersey and Hollywood California

This is somewhat confusing. At first it sounds as if it is between two locations in Leonardo: the Quick Stop and the Mall. Then you throw in Hollywood. I think you'd be better saying it is set between Leonardo, New Jersey and Hollywood California without mentioning the Quick Stop or Mall.

having had added youth and diversity --> having added youth and diversity

After being arrested for growing marijuana, their lawyer tricks them -- this says that the lawyer was arrested for growing marijuana. I presume you don't mean this, so reword it:

After Jay and Silent Bob are arrested for growing marijuana, their lawyer tricks them

their rights to their own names --> the rights to their own names

signing away their rights to their own names, revealing he was hired by Saban Films to acquire the rights to their names

-->

signing away the rights to their own names, revealing he was hired by Saban Films to do this

a key scene for this film --> a key scene in this film

had become a Chicago weather presenter --> has become a Chicago weather presenter

Tracking her down Jay learns that he had fathered a child, Millennium Faulken, called 'Milly' for short, however Justice makes him promise not to tell her that he is her father, and Justice is now happily married.

-- This is too long and convoluted:

Tracking her down, Jay learns that he had fathered a child, Millennium Faulken, called 'Milly' for short. Justice makes him promise not to tell her that he is her father as Justice is now happily married.

force themselves along too --> force themselves to come along too

Stan Lee had been intended to play a pivotal role at Chronic-Con, however he died before he was able to film his scenes.
-- change however to "but"

Although different interviews given by Smith seem to give different messages, from that they had simply drifted apart to had a major falling out, it appears that Affleck and Smith had fallen out and not spoken for a decade following Kevin Smith reporting that Affleck had said when filming the scene in Chasing Amy in which he kissed Jason Lee words to the effect of 'A man kissing another man is the greatest acting challenge an actor can ever face', which when taken out of context led to Affleck being accused of homophobia1.

This sentence is far too long. Rewrite it into shorter sentences. Probably about 5 sentences.

Smith, playing Kevin Smith, --> Smith playing himself

results in both a poor film and -->
result in both a poor film and

with Jay's daughter is named 'Millennium Faulken' -->
with Jay's daughter being named 'Millennium Faulken'

to such an extent that the film-within-a-film have the characters played by former Batman actor Val Kilmer as Bluntman.

I'm not sure what this means. Do you mean:

to such an extent that the film-within-a-film has the Bluntman character played by former Batman actor Val Kilmer.

The one weak point in the film is it never reveals -->
The one weak point in the film is that it never reveals

easily passes Bechdel Test --> easily passes the Bechdel Test.

There are a few sentences with "how" in them that don't sound quite right in the last three paragraphs, but I'm too tired to figure out what's wrong with them. I may look at this again some other time.

smiley - smiley G




A87965888 - 'Jay and Silent Bob Reboot' - the Film

Post 3

Bluebottle

Thanks once more, Gnomon! I've made those changes.smiley - ok
Incidentally, I'm afraid the entry here titled 'The View Askewniverse Films of Kevin Smith' is quite different to the one you reviewed in Peer Review, as this version is a Flea Market Rescue attempt.

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A87965888 - 'Jay and Silent Bob Reboot' - the Film

Post 4

Gnomon - time to move on

Jay and Silent Bob Reboot

"Justice makes him promise not to tell her that he is her father as Justice is now happily married. When she learns that Silent Bob and Jay are travelling to Chronic-Con she and her friends from her support group, Jihad, Soapy and Shan Yu, force themselves to come along too. The reason Milly was in the support group"

The first sentence reads badly because it sounds as if "her" refers to Justice. It is not clear who "she" is in the second sentence here. I think it is Milly but am not sure. If this is the case, you could say:

Justice makes him promise not to tell his daughter that he is her father as Justice is now happily married. When Milly learns that Silent Bob and Jay are travelling to Chronic-Con she and her friends from her support group, Jihad, Soapy and Shan Yu, force themselves to come along too. The reason Milly was in the support group

But now it is not clear why Milly should want to follow Jay and Silent Bob, since they are strangers and she doesn't know that Jay is her father.

"Different interviews given by Smith give different answers. In some he has said that they had simply drifted apart over the years. " -- this comes out of the blue. There's nothing to indicate who you are talking about. Move the sentence about Smith and Affleck not having spoken for years to before this and reword the section.

"every character had been cast with the exception of Cocknocker" -- you don't mention Cocknocker anywhere else so I presume he didn't make it to the screen. Perhaps leave out the name, just saying "almost every character had been cast".

"hard to follow for those for whom this is the first film in the series that they have seen." -- this is hard to follow (!) at the end of a long sentence. Change it to:

hard to follow for first-time viewers

or something like that.






A87965888 - 'Jay and Silent Bob Reboot' - the Film

Post 5

Bluebottle

Good points all, changes have been made.smiley - ta

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A87965888 - 'Jay and Silent Bob Reboot' - the Film

Post 6

SashaQ - happysad and 'slightly mad'

Thanks for writing this Project smiley - ok I'll see how I get on with reading them (I watched the first episode of the BBC America version of Dirk Gently last night, which is also rated 15, and had to 'watch' a substantial proportion with my eyes closed because it was too 'strong' for me...)

The introduction is intriguing, but I don't quite understand what it is saying. The film illustrates the "differences between a Remake, a Reboot and a Sequel" - can you set out more clearly what is a remake, and how does the film fit into that, and what is a reboot, and how does the film fit into that, etc? Ah, no - reading the rest of the Entry I see the 'Reboot' etc is a plot point - a bit too technical for the introduction, maybe? The introduction could maybe say more about how it is a film within a film - it is notable that Kevin Smith is the director playing himself as the director!

"Silent Bob and Jay's fictional namesakes." - Is 'namesake' the right word there?

"planning on stopping the reboot of the film they had previously tried to stop." - they had tried to stop Bluntman and Chronic as well as Bluntman v Chronic?

Why are some characters and actors in Bold?

"Millie also states that she hates Kevin Smith films for always featuring his daughter who is now supposed to be an 'actress'" - What is his daughter really?

In the Reboot Review, I presume it is the case that those definitions are Brodie's rather than yours (other definitions are available)?

"The film contains numerous references to earlier films in the View Askew series" - the references seem to be mixed in with the references to other films outside the View Askewniverse?

Should the plot point about the Klan be in the Plot section?

smiley - ok


A87965888 - 'Jay and Silent Bob Reboot' - the Film

Post 7

Bluebottle

Hello Sasha

I suspect that jumping right in to the end entry is one way to get extra confused, but you're right that readers won't necessarily have read previous entries in the series.

So changes have been made to tweak the introduction and hopefully whet the appetite for later.

You're right to say that the two had tried to stop Bluntman and Chronic as well as Bluntman v Chronic.

What is [Kevin Smith's] daughter really? <- what are any of us in this difficult time but a sum of our thoughts and experiences? That's a bit of an odd question.

Should the plot point about the Klan be in the Plot section?
No, it isn't a part of the plot, just a unconnected scene. My dictionary defines a plot as 'the story in a film or play'. The scene in which the Ku Klux Klan appear has no impact on the film overall – the Klan are not mentioned before the scene appears and the events are never referred to afterwards. The film wouldn't suffer if the scene was removed other than it allows Jay and Silent Bob to catch up with the girls who had gone on ahead without them.

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A87965888 - 'Jay and Silent Bob Reboot' - the Film

Post 8

SashaQ - happysad and 'slightly mad'

"It is a film that describes the fundamental differences between a Remake, Reboot and Sequel while nevertheless managing to be all three – more on that later." - spot on smiley - ok

"his daughter who is now supposed to be an 'actress'" - when I first read it I thought it meant she's supposed to be an actress but is actually something else, eg a writer, but on third reading, is it that she is assumed or expected to make a career as an actress because she has been in her father's films?

Ah, so the kidnapping by the Klan genuinely did appear out of nowhere in the film smiley - laugh Just to be clear. though, you could reorder the sentence to something like " Once again Silent Bob gives a lengthy speech at a key moment - after the girls have been kidnapped by the Klu Klux Klan, he paraphrases a quote from Glengarry Glen Ross (1992) to distract the Klan members for long enough for Jay to rescue the girls."

smiley - ok


A87965888 - 'Jay and Silent Bob Reboot' - the Film

Post 9

Bluebottle

I tweaked it a tad.smiley - ta

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A87965888 - 'Jay and Silent Bob Reboot' - the Film

Post 10

SashaQ - happysad and 'slightly mad'

smiley - ok


A87965888 - 'Jay and Silent Bob Reboot' - the Film

Post 11

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