Escape Pod Dreams
Created | Updated Dec 23, 2003
ESCAPE POD DREAMS
It only hurts when I read....
Matters of unsubstantiated nutritional value explained to you
in terms that will make fasting easier in this highly charged
religious season of denial and dedanube.
00**.**00
Please find enclosed a short introduction to the world of
Irritating Public Radio, a small pirate station that broadcasts
from a floating set of radio-controlled yachts, barges and dorries
in a tiny private pond in a tiny but well-tended botanical park
somewhere south of Denmark.
Irritating Public Radio is
dedicated and committed to the dissemination and diffusion of
news, information and other generally irritating items of
education, entertainment and erudition.
The Board of
Directors, who meet in closed session with velvet bags over their
heads, have never shirked from the original Mission Statement,
which, in part, reads (but cannot write):...it is the
express purpose of this incorporated non-profit limited holding to
make tax write-offs for large international and multi-national
corporations as easy as pie. It is further to be stated that as
long as we delineate our portion of the airwaves, no stone will be
unturned in the search for the least commercial and least
interesting programming that can be found by the touts that the
holding's solicitors will retain by order of this
Board...
Pretty much says it all, doesn't it? But
rest assured, that, no matter how hard one seeks to manufacture
mediocrity, that a few diamonds, by comparison, will never fail to
shine among the dross.
We invite you on a journey to find
those diamonds.
Welcome to Irritating Public Radio, Your
Friends In The Air.
00**.**00
Please also find enclosed a partial evening of scattered
programs, as a sample of how your listening pleasure can be
reduced to a dull roar if you turn the wireless speaker to face
the far wall:
12:08 PM: I thought you wanted it
that way! by Pepin the Shirt
12:27 PM: Crossing Wires: An
Encounter With A Real Psychic
by Jackie Murrieta, wearing a bulletproof bikini with a
smile
1:45 PM: PSA from the Golgotha
College Director of Student Health and Hygiene
by
Ian P. Blurd
1:47 PM: Poor Boy Doesn't Know
What Hit Him 2 by Dame Grace
Williams
1:49 PM: Time and
Temperature by Three Tenors and a
Riverdance
That concludes our programming at this time. Tune
in next week when we will hear the Censor say,'My Gran can write
better than this in a coma!'
Oh, by the way, a couple of congratulations are in
order:
To Mr. John Agggag, of Halifax, Novia Scotia, happy to hear that
one of your brood has escaped the nest.
To a Munchen tech writer: Soon, it will be your turn, too.
To the man with a new house: I hope you looked in the attic!
From Binky to all the Gang down at the CAC Laundry: A little
starch goes a long way!
And finally,
To Father Martin and Sister Alexis: That was me that put the
itching powder in the font...
Sorry.
To Mr. John Agggag, of Halifax, Novia Scotia, happy to hear that
one of your brood has escaped the nest.
To a Munchen tech writer: Soon, it will be your turn, too.
To the man with a new house: I hope you looked in the attic!
From Binky to all the Gang down at the CAC Laundry: A little
starch goes a long way!
And finally,
To Father Martin and Sister Alexis: That was me that put the
itching powder in the font...
Sorry.