h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

This story is probably apocryphal, but I really want it to be true.

It is one of those friday nights of hell at the airport, the planes are delayed, the computers are down, the queues are long, the business men are being dick-heads.

There is a long long queue at the check-in desk, and one of the punters wants to queue-jump.

He is harrassing the woman at the check-in counter, and generally being obnoxious. Eventually he says to her; 'Don't you know who I am?'

She reaches to her tannoy and says 'Ladies and Gentlemen, does anyone recognize this man, he appears not to know who he is'.

The punter, not surprisingly, is annoyed and says: 'F**k you!'

At which point she smiles very sweetly and says 'Oh, there is a queue for that too, sir'.

B

True story that happened to my mother the other week.

My Mum was introduced to a friend of a friend in a pub, on hearing where she was from he sarcastically enquired "Do they still eat their own young up there."

My Mum without missing a beat replied "I don't know I have been on holiday for 2 weeks." He didn't try again.

true story happened to me while I was working in a fast food joint

A drunk and repulsive man was repeatedly trying to jump queue for about 20 people, at about 11:40pm on a Saturday night...

"Are you going to serve me or do I have to stand here like a c*** all night?"

My reply.... "well you have done a good job so far sir"

Went down a treat with the rest of the queue

After a rather rough landing in Honolulu, I had the put down ready.

At the exit, I was all set to say "Oh.. That landing was so hard I was expecting to see an emergency slide".


Unfortunately, they didn't kick us off the plane for the stopover.

I've also heard a similar line, in response to "Do you know who my father is?!"
"No. Have you tried asking your mother?"

Nice!

Now I just need to find someone who is self-important and pompous to try it out on.

B