A Conversation for Good Put-downs

Arty-Farty

Post 1

Bels - an incurable optimist. A1050986

Two rival operatic divas overheard in the Green Room during the interval:

'Do you know, I had my voice insured for a million dollars.'

'Oh, really? And how have you spent the payout?'

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Theatre review of Shakespeare's 'King Lear' (Denver, c.1880):

'He [Creston Clarke] played the King as though under momentary apprehension that someone else was about to play the ace.'

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Beerbohm Tree, to an assortment of American females supposed to be ladies-in-waiting to a queen:

'Ladies, just a little more virginity, if you don't mind.'

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An actor is a kind of a guy who if you ain't talking about him ain't listening.

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Emlyn Williams on Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton in Noel Coward's 'Private Lives':

She's Miss Taylor and he's miscast.

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'He brought to every one of his roles this quality of needing the money.' (Stephen Fry said it, not sure who about.)

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Conductor Sir Thomas Beecham to a cellist:

'Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands - and all you can do is scratch it.'

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Beecham again (he did hundreds of put-downs):

'The sound of the harpsichord is like two skeletons copulating on a corrugated tin roof.'

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Ringo Starr, at a press conference during The Beatles' first American tour in 1964 was asked: 'What do you think of Beethoven?'

'I love him - especially his poems.'

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Henry Reed (Private Life of Hilda Tablet): Of course we've all dreamed of reviving the castrati; but it's needed Hilda to take the first practical steps towards making this a reality. She's drawn up a list of well-known singers who she thinks would benefit. It's only a question now of getting them to agree...

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That should do to be getting on with.

Bels


Arty-Farty

Post 2

Danny B

The Stephen Fry 'needing the money' quote is from a sketch in which he has supposedly killed Hugh Laurie for playing some godawful song on the piano. It is said by Nigel Havers, although the on-screen caption says 'Paul Eddington' at the time smiley - smiley


Arty-Farty

Post 3

Andrew Wyld [kt:'Burning Pestle', kp:'Mutamems, Ideodiversity', Zaph.]

The song is "where is the lid". It is addressed to an enormous jar of coffee, whose lid is missing, but is found by Stephen about three bars into the song. I can't recall for certain but I think he eventually coshes Hugh with the same jar.


Arty-Farty

Post 4

Bels - an incurable optimist. A1050986

Thank you both. Know any more Fry put-downs?


Arty-Farty

Post 5

Danny B

Not *quite* a put down...

Oxford is full is dreaming spires, but Cambridge is full of aspiring dreamers smiley - winkeye


Arty-Farty

Post 6

Andrew Wyld [kt:'Burning Pestle', kp:'Mutamems, Ideodiversity', Zaph.]

From HIGNFY:

BEST QUOTE:

Loads of them - when asked by Ian if he had been invited to dinner with Woody Allen and Mia Farrow, Fry replied: "No. Not at all. I think it's because I went to bed with all their children." Claimed that the Queen had described Diana's biographer Andrew Morton as "an annus horribilis." When pressured about his friendship with Prince Edward, Fry replied: "I have not penetrated Prince Edward's intimate circle." Completed the headline "ANY FOOL CAN ______" with "be made from gooseberries."

http://www.hignfy.net/actors3.htm

I draw attention to Andrew Morton.

Incidentally, did you know that "anus" is Latin for "grandmother"?


Arty-Farty

Post 7

Geoff Taylor - Gullible Chump

Mr Fry was on a radio game show. One of the games was providing new definitions toa given word. Mr Fry was given the word "countryside"

"The murder of Piers Morgan", he replied.

Classic. Not only a great putdown, but a genius way of getting a very strong swear word onto BBC pre-watershed.


Arty-Farty

Post 8

Andrew Wyld [kt:'Burning Pestle', kp:'Mutamems, Ideodiversity', Zaph.]

That's absolutely beautiful. My sister must be informed (she is a huge fan, in the sense that she is a fan who is 5'11", not in the sense that she weighs a lot, which for 5'11" she most certainly doesn't).

Reminds me of an alternative definition this morning. It occurred to me that if one were to be borne to victory on the basis of public popularity garnered by playing on a nation's awe at the virtuosity of one's farts, the only word to use for one's arrival in pomp and state to claim said victory would be "triumph", as it contains the word "trump" plus i plus h. It then occurred to me that triumph could be redefined as a fart which takes so great an effort of exhalation as to require three separate strains.

I don't know why I choose to reveal this now. I only know that I do.

Put-downs for the unintelligent:

Not the sharpest tool in the box. Not even the sharpest tool in a box of mallets.

Not the brightest bulb in the flowerbed. (I don't know if that works very well ... never mind)


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