Ghost Post 3

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smiley - Ghost Post 3smiley -

The New detective agency in town, D.A.'s Detective agency, is up and running. This reporter stopped by the other day to find Detective Armani and Peanut discussing the age old arguement, "What came first: the smiley - or the egg? The smiley would seem to suggest that it was the egg.smiley -

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smiley - Announcing the comming nuptuals of The Red Mage and Uncle Heavy.

This lucky couple will be whisked away to Haiti, where they will be united as Uncle and Dog, courtesy of Big G.L. Wedding Photos are sure to appear in an up-coming Ghost Post.
Let's wish the happy couple all the best.smiley -

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Soeasilycloned has surfaced
And is running amok on sea's u page. Half smiley - , half smiley - , and thuroughly dangerous, she is searching for her roots. Be on the look out for her; she may show up at the Tower of the Red Mage.

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Book review: Carpe Jugulum, by Terry Pratchett

Featuring many of your old ringworld favorites,
Carpe Jugulum follows the tale of the Uberworld's Magpyrs, a family of vampires who intend to take over the kingdome of Verence. Only the alliance of the witches and a timid priest can stop them. Gems include:

"In Ghat, they believe in smiley - watermelons, although folklore is selent about what they believe about smiley - watermelons.Possibly they suck back."

Definately worth a read; I give smiley - smiley - smiley - to Carpe Jugulum. Sieze this book today, and don't stop till you've sucked it dry!

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Cluttered Graves

From this month's edition of DeathStyle magazine...

Always on the look-out for the "to die for" mausoleum, we visited one of Oppression Interiors' recent inhumations. We can confidently report that Lucretia de Vagabonde has lost none of her celebrated joie-de-mourir.

This latest (but hopefully not final) resting-place comes from the new "Hint of Menace" catalogue, and has been tastefully appointed for a client named Pinniped. It certainly puts a stake in the ground for those seeking interment in the stark, minimalist tradition for which Luce and her team are rightly renowned.

This crypt is spacious and yet deliciously spartan. Just take a look at these walls! On opposite sides, and right across the vaulted ceiling, the remains of gothic tracery have been tastefully incorporated into the rough stonework. It's so rough, in fact, that the structure positively tantalises with the threat of imminent collapse. Tons of rubble give the impression of being held in place by nothing more than a grout of thin, black slime. The floor is haphazardly stone-flagged. The cloying darkness is broken only by the glimmer of candles in the iron chandelier. Exquisite!

The decor is thrillingly brutal, a simple ensemble of corroded manacles and leg-irons and, of course, de Vagabonde's trademark sacrificial slab set into the floor. This particular specimen intrigued us. Instead of the usual pristine marble surface, the full width of Pinniped's altar is spanned by a ragged crack which oozes the same fascinating slime as the walls.

Let's hear Luce herself describe this spine-tingling new commission, and her explanation for that riven slab :

"Pinniped set us a tight budget, so tight in fact that I felt compelled to leave out the door, at least until the revolting little s**t decides to pay me.

For his kind of money, Pinniped was always going to have to put up with a broken altar. Some examples have intriguing histories, of course, but this one just cracked because some d**k-head scrubbed it down with Holy Water...

[Editor's Note : when washing your altar, take care to avoid cleaning agents that may have been purified in an incompatible ritual. Remember that a cheaper altar may be liable to damage if offerings are burnt on its surface. If your knife should slip while removing entrails, don't forget that your victim's stomach acids are corrosive - mop them up quickly or discolouration may result. With proper care, a good altar-stone will last you for aeons]

As I was saying, a simple and severe milieu was definitely indicated in Pinniped's case, the miserly little freak. I got my own back with his matching outfit, though. Doesn't he look suitably sacrificial in this iron circlet and gossamer shift from our "Dissipation" collection?

My best buy? It has to be the candles. A snip at $199.99 a piece. They're guaranteed to gutter fitfully for 48 hours, and they come in a fabulous range of colours : leprosy, jaundice and gangrene. But my personal favourite feature is the keystone in the further arch - it has such an adorable shape. If you stare at it for long enough (and, believe me, Pinniped will), it turns into a horned foetus".

Our DeathStyle League Tables of recommended crypt design consultants are now headed by :

      - Dante Class : Hell2Pay
      - Kafka Class : Oppression Interiors
      - de Sade Class : Underworld of Leather
      - Versace Class : Coco Charnel

Come on, you Undead! By "laying out" just a little more you can do SO-O-O much better than Tombs'R'Us. And remember - you can't take it with you!

* A plaintive voice is heard, accompanied by a faintly fishy odour *

Hey! But I'm not dead yet...!

...?...

....How do I get out of here...?!?

Wanted: Kitten skin coatLast seen in the Red Tower. Reward Offered, no questions asked

Come to Uncle Happy's House of Smileys We have a carousel, a bouncy hut, and a petting zoo.First five visiters will recieve free eggnog and an "I Cry Uncle" t shirt. Free ride with this ad.
Michele's smiley - Daycare. Specializes in Gargoyles, but will take all monsters. Meals and games provided,
For a smiley - , come to the Dead Man's Inn.A spooky little pub run by Just me,smiley - s smiley - es, smiley - s are welcome, and just about anyone who likes a hair-raisingly good time.BYOB(Bring your own blood)

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