A Conversation for Advice on Coming Out

Coming out can be slow!

Post 1


My best piece of advice is to come out slowly. I came out five years ago, and I did it over a six-month period.

I told a very good school friend, and then some others. I made sure that the first couple of people I told were not religious types and unlikely to be gossips.

About four months later I told the most liberal aunt in the family, and asked her advice. She helped me arrange a weekend when my Dad could visit his family, leaving my mother and I alone. I had friends call three times that day to remind me of the reasons I wanted to come out. Principally these all came down to a desire for honesty.

My mom freaked out. I spent the night at a friend's. This was the smartest thing about my coming out: I did it during summer break. So life could stand still while I sorted things out. I told my Dad the next night (he had returned); he really freaked out. So I spent the next three nights away from home.

At first, I didn't tell them that I'd lost my faith. I didn't tell them that I was sexually active. I told them that I was planning a celibate life, which, due to their extreme need for comfort, they believed.

You don't have to tell your parents everything right away. It took you quite a while to decide to come out, give your parents time to adapt. Give yourself time to adapt.

Five years later, my parents and I are better off than we've ever been. I can be honest with them, and though I know they are frequently uncomfortable with my choices, I know they love me.

Coming out can be slow!

Post 2


You mention religious types, but one of the first people I told is a religious type, and she was absolutely fine about it.

I suppose by 'religious types' you mean people along the lines of Pat Robertson...


Coming out can be slow!

Post 3


Yeah, I mostly mean people along the lines of Pat Robertson, but I think it's probably wise to avoid religious types altogether at the very first. Even the most liberal-seeming of them can really tweak out unexpectedly on this subject.

But, then again, so can the most liberal-seeming of atheists. I guess just be careful, you want your first coming out to be a soft one; something that gives you comfort, not something that stirs up more turbulence.

Coming out can be slow!

Post 4


I absolutely agree. I suppose this is why a many people tell other gay people first - because they know that the hurdle of 'is this person OK with it?' doesn't need to be jumped!

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