A Conversation for Advice on Coming Out
How I came out
Alon (aka Mr.Cynic) Started conversation Feb 16, 2002
Throughout my teenage years I had acknowledged to myself that I was not hetrosexual but since I felt very uncomfortable in my school, it wasn't much of an issue anyway as I knew I couldn't come out there. The first person I hinted to that I might be gay was Arnia on h2g2 back in the summer of 2000.
In July 2001 I had my first sexual experience and confirmed to myself that I was in fact gay. The next week, I told my parents. My mum said she suspected as such already due to my subtle question on BBC Question Time about Tory policy of homosexual age of consent :oD.
She went on to ask 'Is it reversible?' and told me she would never tell anyone - by the end of the day she already told to people.
My dad dealt with it by analysing it to hell - what did it mean? is it due to my upbringing? is it a phase?
I talked to them both about it a few times and have had wonderful remarks such as 'Your father and I are both shattered by this' and 'You'll change' as well as 'It's just wrong, disgusting, unnatural'.
My sisters were supportive and very understanding. At college it has had little change on my friends and within my political life people were supportive. But I've had countless 'I had no idea' responses which says a lot about the stereotype people hold in their minds.
I am so glad I came out then - I couldn't have done it before and I've been so much happier since.
How I came out
Alon (aka Mr.Cynic) Posted Feb 16, 2002
There was another issue with my parents - both are of jewish, israeli upbringing. There is still a very homophobic attitude held by many in Israel - tis a western society but there is quite a bit of sexist attitude still present which makes homosexuality even more of a taboo.
My mum always told me how she "wished she had a boy" every time she was about to have a child and how happy she was when I was born. This made my sexuality even more of a disappointment to her and when I told here I'm not ashamed of my sexuality and have not the slightest wish to be hetrosexual, she could not understand. When I said that she made out homosexuality to be a disability she told me that was her exact view.
Then there's Judaism. Although liberal and reformed Jews hold far more tolerant views, orthodox judaism sees homosexuality as a curable disease. What astounds me is how this view is tolerated.
It is much better to confront homophobic attitudes then to let them win by bowing down to them and not repressing your true feelings.
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