A Conversation for The Great Romantic Myth and the Evils of 'the One'

Cynicism is Bad For Your Health

Post 1

Roccondil - Let others rise to take our place until the Earth is free!

I don’t want to gainsay everything in this article. I want to offer my own spin. This means flatly contradicting it in some cases.

I believe in The One. In fact I’ve met Her.smiley - loveblush (See, men ‘suffer’ too.) Any problem with a belief, be it religious, political, whatever, is never actually in the belief. It is in the action it inspires. Some people, believe when they meet The One, all their life problems will be solved. *And they act as if this is so.*

I believe that a perfect relationship, even though you do meet your soulmate, needs to be worked at. Furthermore, differences (as opposed to all-out rows) are important. No one wants a boring life. ‘The newspapers of Utopia are unbearably dull.’ But just because it’s not perfectly smooth sailing, doesn’t mean it isn’t ‘meant to be’. That’s where the Lie is, and that’s where (some) people make the mistake.

So while I believe in The One, and in my position you’d be hard pressed not to, I would never expect a completely smooth relationship. Nor do I believe I would ever want one. I do believe it is possible to have a permanent one, however, and that a permanent reationship is the only sort worth having.

So of the ‘two basic concepts’, only the second is bad. The people who delude themselves needn’t shed the Great Romantic Myth. They must learn to be a part of it, rather than a passive spectator. It is true that you can find The One, and be happy with Her. The Lie is when you think that once you have found Her you will automatically be happy. Finding Her is not enough. You must also become Her One – in *fact*, not just in appearance. If you can manage that, then you can have a blessed life.

Of course, it’s not easy, and I’ve spent probably the last six months working out how to become The One for my One, and trying to implement what I’ve learned. I’m doing all I can, and it’s tough work. And I’ve barely begun. But if, in the end, I can win her heart, it will be worth it. I would sell my soul for it.

I hope She reads this. She knows who She is.smiley - love


Cynicism is Bad For Your Health

Post 2

Mrs Zen

I'm confused. Are you guys actually in a relationship, or are you just admiring from afar?

B


Cynicism is Bad For Your Health

Post 3

Roccondil - Let others rise to take our place until the Earth is free!

I'm working at it. smiley - smiley Give me another month or two.

She knows She's The One. What I have to do is become Her One. Which I'm trying to do.

Sorry about the cardboard boxes.


Cynicism is Bad For Your Health

Post 4

Mrs Zen

Don't worry about the cardboard boxes - they are providing much needed insulation!

It sounds to me like she may possibly be *a* One, and that you have fallen for the Great Romantic Myth, and are spending your time serving it. There is a guy on the other side of the world who is my equivalent of Crack Cocaine - being with him feels so good and does me so much long term harm; irresistable but debilitating beyond the point of danger.

Good luck though. And enjoy the ride. Life is for living, and we're all a long time dead.

B


Cynicism is Bad For Your Health

Post 5

Roccondil - Let others rise to take our place until the Earth is free!

If it causes harm - that's where I draw the line. But if it merely requires *effort*...I don't think it's a myth. Because If I manage to win her heart, it will all have been worth it.


Cynicism is Bad For Your Health

Post 6

Mrs Zen

MMmm. But if you change yourself to suit her, then is it you she's falling in love with, or some altered, changed, distorted you?

B


Cynicism is Bad For Your Health

Post 7

Roccondil - Let others rise to take our place until the Earth is free!

That's only partially correct.

It's not the same me that I was when I fell for her.

BUT

It's no less me. Altered, yes. Changed, yes. Distorted, NO.

We all change dramatically over time.

The sort of person I want to be is, almost by definition, the sort of person She wants to be with. If you only change on the surface for someone it's a different matter. If She falls for a facade then I'm guilty of deception. But that's not what I'm on about. I'm for self-consistency. If I change, *truly Change*, and She likes how I've changed, it's not a distortion or a deception.

Maybe you're right, and I have 'fallen for' the Myth. But frankly, I wouldn't have it any other way. smiley - ok

The One may be a Myth. It is not a Lie. A Myth is not the same as a Lie. Myths and Lies both serve Purposes. A Lie serves an Evil Purpose; a Myth does not. The ideal of The One is not *inherently* Evil. (But just like everything else, it can be Perverted - used for Evil Purpose.)


Cynicism is Bad For Your Health

Post 8

Roccondil - Let others rise to take our place until the Earth is free!

Hello again Ben.

Well, it's been a couple of months and I am without a One. The feeling fizzled, but before you pummel the air with your fist and sneer 'I told you so', let me tell you how I feel now.

I said the sort of person I wanted to be was, by definition, the sort of person She wanted. I haven't become that person, nor am I still expending effort on it any more. But I am, I believe, a better person now for it. The effort was wasted, you might say. Instead, I would rather believe that it achieved something good. Just not the thing it was initially supposed to achieve.

I am not in an awful hurry to fall in love again, though if it were foisted on me I would accept it gladly. (And isn't that always the way it happens?)

Peace,

R.R.


Cynicism is Bad For Your Health

Post 9

Mrs Zen

Love is never wasted. It can be destroyed, but it is never wasted. And my first response was sadness and an awareness of your pain.

I have a friend who is learning how to have a truly loving relationship. I have watched her have painful relationships with one man after another, but each one is a little better, with each one she learns another lesson, and I believe that she will finally manage to have the sort of meeting of soul-mates relationship which we all long for.

So remember the lessons, and keep the faith.

Ben


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