h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

This is fascinating.

I wish I could look suitably modest, but that would be arrogant of me. In true chemical fasion, I just provided the catalyst.

The dudes did a good job, didn't they?

Ben

Most of the good stuff was Madent's actually. I think he still works there, poor b****r.

H.

Yes, well. I am always fascinated by fabrics that threaten to make Dupont look silly.

I used to work for Acordis, but no more, although I do still have an interest in seeing it work...

At least for now...

Madent

Okay. You want to work on it? you want to get out of this basement?

I've just been informed by a friend who should know, that in the toilets of the commissioning cabin of the Tencel plant at Grimsby was the advice - "It's pronounced TENSE HELL"!



H.

I'm sorry. Were you referring to me?

And what the rotating orbs of Osiris is a commissioning cabin?

A commissioning cabin is the alternately freezing cold and unbearably hot hole in which the company, in its infinite wisdom, sees fit to accomodate the highly skilled engineers charged with the task of turning a pile of steelwork into a working chemical plant. It is usually placed so as to inconveniently far from both the car park, the toilets, and the plant you are meant to be working on. The telephones and computers won't work for the first week, the heater won't work at all (if it's January) or can't be switched off (if it's July). Commissioning cabins are typically full of men (sorry ladies but they are, typically) who are far from home, working long hours without overtime pay in appalling conditions against ridiculous deadlines set by know-nothing marketeers and accountants. That the plants they commission ever work at all, much less do so reliably and efficiently enough to turn a profit, is a tribute to the dedication and professionalism of this fine body of people.

H.
Engineer.

Wait a second, are you talking about a bl***y construction site trailer, um, caravan? One of those temporary quilted steel buildings on wheels? Commissioning Cabin! Gee whiz, GBS was right! Two peoples separated by a common language.

Site Hut, Commissioning Cabin, Portacabin, etc

Call it what you will, Hoovooloo's description barely gives an adequate feeling of the sort of c**p engineers have to put up with when working on site.

A caravan might have been more comfortable...

The term used however varies with as much with the engineering discipline being represented as with the nationality of the engineer speaking (or in this case writing).

H is I believe a chemical engineer (not to be confused with either the chemist who sells condoms and fills prescriptions, or the devious little b****rs who concoct wonderful new substances with which the marketing and accountancy types running chemical companies can alternately pollute or clean up the environment).

Whereas I am a mechanical engineer (not to be confused with the guy who fixes your car).

I believe we are both British.

Warning. What follows is sarcasm.

Duh-yuh!

Warning. Sarcasm over.

Having spent more time than I like to remember as a glorified maid in various companies, buildings, ditches and yards, I have become uncomfortably acquainted with a multitude of chemicals and structures.
I have also become intimately acquainted with the weather and the attitudes of 'management'(sic).

In any case, the discussion above is proof against the often common belief that education can protect you from rigorous conditions.

Remind me to tell you sometime about the Pastor I knew who used to build oil rigs in the swamps of the Florida Keys.....