Love Letter
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
This is not a story as such. I wanted to think myself into the head of a character who was very different from me, and chose the format of a letter to do this.
Needless to say, the opinions and feelings expressed in this letter are not my own.
My dear Timothy,
Mother tells me you have met a nice girl at university. I have no doubt the Old Girl will have already written to say how happy we are for you. So I will take that as read and offer you some down-to-earth advice.
The thing about being in love is that you inevitably become dependent on the other person. This is unfortunate, as I have raised you to stand on your own two feet.
You will, at least for the next few months, be terribly happy. My advice is to conquer such feelings. Most relationships end in disaster, and the happier you let yourself become now, the more heartbroken you will be if things go wrong.
You may also find yourself expecting to be happy every day. This is unrealistic. Everybody is bored and miserable most of the time, so even in your most sublime moments, it is as well to remind yourself of the bad things in life.
A love affair is a partnership, and partnerships are never equal. If you become the dominant partner, she will resent it. If she becomes dominant, heaven help you. Remember, too, that partnerships often end up in bankruptcy, like the import-export firm your Uncle Harry started up.
Be careful not to let this romance harm your career. Do not let it interfere with your studies, try not to waste time thinking about the girl during lectures and if you find yourself having erotic fantasies about her, talk them through together and act them out: that way you can get them out of your system and get on with the important things in life.
Sex is a vexed subject, which perhaps I should have talked to you about years ago. After all, that is what this love nonsense is really all about.
Starting a regular sex life lays you open to inevitable disappointment. Your libido will be very strong at first. It is powered by all the years of frustration and loneliness you lived through before you met this girl. However, these factors will fade away quickly, and sex will become a chore like everything else.
Foreplay is a much overrated business: it wastes huge amounts of time, and there is always the chance you might unleash sexual appetites in your young lady that you will be unable to satisfy.
You might also benefit from reflecting on the possibility that, should you and Jennifer ever quarrel, you might have to do without sex once more. My advice is to try not to enjoy it too much while you have got it. This may sound harsh, but believe me it will save a lot of heartache later on.
If your affections do happen to remain strong, you will no doubt get round to thinking of marriage. My experience is that marriage will be just the start of your problems.
As sure as night follows day, love and marriage lead to babies, mortgages, debt and arguments over whose turn it is to do the dishes and what on earth she has done with all those socks.
As the date of your nuptials approaches, you may start to worry about whether you are ready to settle down, or whether Jennifer is the right girl for you. The truth is that you will not know until you are my age whether you have made the right decision or not, so my advice is not to think about it.
As a future accountant, you will be aware that you are statistically likely to die before she does, so make sure you book an appointment with an insurance consultant before you publish the banns.
Finally, let me take this opportunity of wishing you and Jennifer every happiness together.
Your affectionate father.
