h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

As finger food goes, these are far and way the best that I have tasted.

- Baby Yorkshire Puds - make a batch of baby yorkshire puddings (about the diameter of a loo-roll tube). Place on said pud a slice of exquisitely cooked beef and a splotch (slightly smaller than a blob) of horseradish sauce.

- Honey/Mustard Sausages - Cook some cocktail sausages and when they're close to being done, smother them in grainy mustard and honey ... you'll need cocktail sticks to prevent this getting too messy. An alternative option to Honey and Mustard, is Marmalade - trust me on this one!

- Tricolore Junior - arm yourself with a batch of cocktail sticks and skewer in an aesthetically pleasing manner each of the following: a cherry tomato, a cube of mozzarella, a basil leaf - consume.

- Smoked Salmon Blini - blini's are junior pancakes. If you buy them they need to be cooked first (vaguley important aside!). On said blini spread some cream cheese and then drape over it a slice of smoked salmon. Squeeze a lemon over the top should you so wish.

- Boxed Camembert - Contrary to the name, this has nothing to do with Lennox Lewis. Take one camembert and remove it from its box. Remove the paper wrapper and pierce the top of said cheese with about a dozen small holes. Drizzle a scootch (just less than a glug) of white wine on to the camembert and watch it soak in. Return cheese to box and bung the whole shebang in the oven for 15-20 minutes. The waxy outer layer keeps the melted cheese together. Plunge into the now melted cheese anything you want; boiled baby potatoes, carrot sticks, crisps, slices of baguette, whatever ... absolutely yum.

One concern I've often had when it comes to finger food is an issue of etiquette. For me, the perfect finger food should be just too big to eat politely in one mouthful but too small to even consider eating in two. The secret to polite consumption of finger food in the presence of others, is in the conversation. Ask the person/people with whom you are conversing a question which can't fail to produce a long winded answer and then, as they get going - not before they've started as they might not have heard you properly - stuff your gob with the aforementioned nibble. You should then repay the favour.

The risk of gorging before the answer starts is fairly self explantory. Picture the scene:

You (A) are having a conversation with (B). A tray of sublime nibbles is borne in your direction and you both carpe canapéum:

2 Scenraios:

1.
(A) - Could you explain to me again the theory of relativity?
(B) - Well, the theory (at this point you can gorge to your hearts content)

2.
(A) - Could you explain to me again the theory of relativity?
~ stuff face ~
(B) - Next tuesday
Now you see, you have a face full of Smoked Salmon and Cream Cheese blini and the person you're talking to looks, from without, like a mateless bore who - and you look like a serial troffer.

And you never thought nibbles were so serious!