A Conversation for How to Be a Successful Tourist

paranoid android

Post 1

Sam

OK, a slightly paranoid one to kick things off. If you're feeling a bit adventurous (wherever you may be) and you decide to wander downtown and really eek out any place that looks and feels gritty, urban and dodgy, try and make sure to be a bit clever about the way you look at your A-Z map. Standing still on a crowded street corner, with everyone whizzing past, and you in slow motion looking non-plussed with your index finger in your mouth and your map flapping about in your other hand is asking for trouble. You'll stand out like the veritable sitting duck for all the baddies who'll be watching you, sat in shady shop corners (is that a tongue twister, I've just invented?) the brim of their hats set at low angles, tooth picks worrying gold-capped teeth...

Me, paranoid?

Don't be obviously lost, looking at a map, in really dodgy urban areas.

Sam. smiley - smiley


paranoid android

Post 2

PaulBateman

Some do's and don't's:

Do:
Have lots of money
Blend in culturally when possible. This is dependent on where you are.
In the US, when asked, claim that you are having a great time and what a great country it is.
Take mosquito repellent and antimalarial tablets when going to malarial infested regions.
Have the right currency.
Take traveller's cheques.
Use a safety deposit box in a hotel if possible.
Do remember to get a visa if the country you're going to requires one.
Do locate a good bar/pub where the beer is cheap and the atmosphere is friendly.
Learn to swear in the local language so you know what the locals are saying to you.
Use condoms if you have sex - particularly with anyone you've just met.
Use condoms if you want to record underwater sounds like DNA in "Last Chance to See...".
Take suntan lotion, after sun, sunglasses, a hat and a shirt. This can apply to antartic conditions as well.
Learn which side of the road the traffic is on otherwise this could lead to embarrassment or worse - particularly on one way streets.

Don't:
Don't make it too obvious you have money as you are likey to lose it somehow.
Don't try to convince the locals that communism is a good idea when in the US.
Don't say "Gee, ain't that quaint," at the top of your voice in a US accent anywhere in Britain - I'm not sure if this applies to Northern Island.
Don't take hundreds of pictures in the airport of you, your friends and relatives getting off the plane, etc, like a number of Japanese tourists.
Try to avoid eating meat in India and Egypt - two of the worst places in the world for food poisoning.
When the checking person asks, never say that you are carrying illegal drugs as a joke as this will result in a full and thorough body search resulting in you missing you're flight and possibly being banned from that airline.

There are many more helpful hints I'm sure. I'll let you know if I can think of any.


Do's and Don't's

Post 3

PaulBateman

Some do's and don't's:

Do:
Have lots of money
Blend in culturally when possible. This is dependent on where you are.
In the US, when asked, claim that you are having a great time and what a great country it is.
Take mosquito repellent and antimalarial tablets when going to malarial infested regions.
Have the right currency.
Take traveller's cheques.
Use a safety deposit box in a hotel if possible.
Do remember to get a visa if the country you're going to requires one.
Do locate a good bar/pub where the beer is cheap and the atmosphere is friendly.
Learn to swear in the local language so you know what the locals are saying to you.
Use condoms if you have sex - particularly with anyone you've just met.
Use condoms if you want to record underwater sounds like DNA in "Last Chance to See...".
Take suntan lotion, after sun, sunglasses, a hat and a shirt. This can apply to antartic conditions as well.
Learn which side of the road the traffic is on otherwise this could lead to embarrassment or worse - particularly on one way streets.

Don't:
Don't make it too obvious you have money as you are likey to lose it somehow.
Don't try to convince the locals that communism is a good idea when in the US.
Don't say "Gee, ain't that quaint," at the top of your voice in a US accent anywhere in Britain - I'm not sure if this applies to Northern Island.
Don't take hundreds of pictures in the airport of you, your friends and relatives getting off the plane, etc, like a number of Japanese tourists.
Try to avoid eating meat in India and Egypt - two of the worst places in the world for food poisoning.
When the checking person asks, never say that you are carrying illegal drugs as a joke as this will result in a full and thorough body search resulting in you missing you're flight and possibly being banned from that airline.

There are many more helpful hints I'm sure. I'll let you know if I can think of any.


Do's and Don't's

Post 4

PaulBateman

PS-

Do have holiday insurance.


Do's and Don't's

Post 5

Corinth

Avoid restaurants with trilingual menus.
Learn the language.


Do's and Don't's

Post 6

unremarkable: Lurker, OMFC, LPAS

if must bring a camera, dont have it too obviously about your person. put it in a backpack or something.

and no one will know you dont speak the language if you keep you mouth shut smiley - winkeye


Do's and Don't's

Post 7

Alex Watson [Zaphodista]

If you don't learn the language, at least learn to count, so you can tell how much things are.


paranoid android

Post 8

Scottish Guy

When in Scotland, don't confuse it with a region of England. This can prove fatal.


paranoid android

Post 9

PaulBateman

That goes for Wales too.


paranoid android

Post 10

Researcher 183503

True, true. Also - avoid tourist-looking bum-bags and backpacks. Wear combats (if not too obviously touristy) and keep everything in closed pockets. Keep vigilant. Look like a badass. Give evil glare to pesky traveller kids in Rome for instance.

Wear sunscreen.... &c &c


paranoid android

Post 11

Earthman

Apparently, wearing combats in Istanbul can lead people to think you are Russian (according to my sister).

Sometimes, though, it is beneficial to pretend you do not understand what people are saying. Being able to speak in a language that street sellers in, say, Istanbul can't speak is a good way to get them to give up and pester someone else quickly. Norwegian works well(so I'm told), I'd bet Welsh would be effective too...


paranoid android

Post 12

Mr. Cogito

True, I can usually identify the tourists here in New York because they all tend to walk down the street with cameras and maps prominently displayed. And I usually can tell their nationality by looking at the printing on their guide books. Sometimes I joke that I've always wanted a new camcorder when they walk down filming everything.

The problem with checking the map constantly is that you're so busy monitoring your route from point A to point B that you totally miss out on all the exciting stuff that's happening around you.

My tips for the tourist who wants to blend in and have a good time:
1. Speak softly and calmly and be polite. Never insult the place your are visiting (remember, you are representing your country whether you like it or not).
2. If you don't know the language, at least try to learn certain important phrases and make an effort. I found in Paris, telling people my French was atrocious made people more understanding and willing to speak English than if I just started jabbering English at them; at least I was trying. They also would claim their English was bad, but it was usually very good.
3. Walk as much as possible. You can't get a good feel for a city by sitting on a bus or driving in a car. You're too busy watching the traffic to notice the city (this is doubly important in walkable cities like Paris, London, or New York). Those tourist buses are the worst.
4. Hide the camera. Put it in a pocket, and don't use it all the time. Don't walk down the street watching everything through your camcorder's viewfinder. Not only are you an inviting target for thieves, you're missing out on your surroundings. Thieves love people who have poor awareness.
5. Ignore the Guide Book sometimes. If you find a charming little place and your guidebook doesn't mention it, who cares? Yet, you'd be amazed at how many people follow the same beaten paths (hence the many tourists walking down my street at all times).
6. Don't rush. Many Americans often succumb too much to itineraries, the notion that the trip must see M attractions in N cities, so they're constantly on the move. Resist the urge to rush and see EVERYTHING. You'll have a better time.
7. Traveller's checks have always been pretty much useless to me. Not many people want to accept them. Instead, invest in a good money belt and also use a safe to keep a reserve of cash (usually your hotel front desk or even room will have one). So, you have money in three places: the wallet, money belt, and room.
8. Passports should also be kept in highly secure places. I'd suggest either a money belt or a safe. Do not pull out your passport unless you have to (say, a form of ID is needed), and do not show it to everybody around you.
9. Dress normally and comfortably. I'm not sure what possesses tourists abroad to dress so outlandishly, but it makes them pretty easy to identify.
10. Know the type of potential crime to prepare against. In European train stations, I put my wallet in my front pocket because of pickpockets. In American cities, I watch my surroundings because muggings are more predominant.

Aneyway, these sound a bit paranoid, but they're not too bad. And hopefully you can avoid the fate of the American tourist in Trainspotting who gets his coat and money stolen by Begbie. smiley - smiley


paranoid android

Post 13

Innocent Sperm Whale

Surely you don't need to read the cover of their tourist guides to be able to tell where tourists are from? I live in Edinburgh and work in the city centre. Sometimes it is very funny how easy it is to tell the nationality of tourists just by looking at them! It is actually quite an amusing way to occupy your mind whilst wandering around at lunch time. I don't mean spotting the stereotype tourists (although the enormous fat American man with white socks and black shoes and his wife with the plastic face and a curious inability to walk like a normal human being is always worth a chuckle), there just seems to be something about the clothes, features, attitude of different nationalities of tourist.


paranoid android

Post 14

Bina-baby: Thingite grand-high publicist & Prof of purpology (h2g2 uni of mice)

Tip ... when in Kathmandu, always agree the price of a rickshaw ride, BEFORE you get in. Otherwise you'll never make it out without handing over all the money you posses, plus some jewellery, your much prized trekking pass etc, etc. Also when in the aforementioned location, ignore anyone trying to sell you a recorder. Buy tiger balm and have it handy to display when other sellers of the balm appear.
If in doubt, RUN...

hope you're all enlightened...
bina-baby xx


paranoid android

Post 15

unremarkable: Lurker, OMFC, LPAS

on the 'pretending not to understand' vein... you can even occasionally use the stupid american steriotype to your advantage.... (i know this is horrible, but im sorry, it has its advantages) you can occasionally get away with doing some outlandish stuff that someone will chalk up to "stupid american tourists" and leave at that.... and if someone IS yelling at you... well, you dont speak polish/dutch/italian, do you? (actually, i expect that the occasional british tourist has done this as well?)

however, this is absolutely not the best way to blend in...smiley - winkeye


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