h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Let me tell you something, my reflexes suck. However, yesterday I wagered three of my friends that I could definitely beat them at Egyptian Rat Screw (The end result of which was $30. Pretty sweet really.) What's the secret to my success? I'll tell ya...

First of all as a general rule of thumb, always wager on ERS games. Since it isn't normally considered a gambling game, people don't play it all that often. (However, if you happen to know that any particular person does play often, avoid them at all costs.) And because people don't play all that often, anyone who wins a couple of games considers themself decent enough to put their money where their mouth is.

Now some basic guidelines to winning ERS with sucky reflexes.
1. Talk constantly. It may sound stupid, but it's a scientific fact. If you talk to distract the other player(s) then their reflexes will slow down. But just as a disclaimer, so will yours. But it is also a general observation of mine that people either have fast reflexes or can multitask like nobody's business. If you're interested in these tips, then the latter most likely applies to you.

2. Talk about somewhat important subject matter. This doesn't mean delve into a philosophical debate (which is in fact a terrible idea at any time really) but just keep it a conversation that the other players will be interested in being a part of. For instance, if you are playing with football fans, talk about football. If your playing with friends, talk about "the good old days" or "that one time in high school" etc... Just try to conversationally blend in with the players around you.

3. Suddenly adopt a rather bothersome habit. Under no circumstances should you decide to pick your nose. This task generally tends to keep your hands tied up and is generally frowned upon anyway. Pick something that is subtle and believeable. Some habits I recommend are coughing, sneezing (if you can do it convincingly), and my favorite: squinting. Squinting is a wonderful tool that old people have used for centuries to improve their vision. And due to the nature of ERS, squinting can sometimes bestow upon you the amazing gift of foresight. Because players in ERS are supposed to flip their card away from their face, it is possible to occasionaly catch a pre-emptive glimpse of the card they are about to play. Squinting improves your chances of this happening. Then if you do have a "premonition" of your opponents next card, you don't need reflexes to slap in (if neccesary) all you need is a brain.

4. Wear jewlery on your hands. Do not do this during the game because trust me; people will notice. continued later...

but having extra jewelery readily available does give you something very important. It gives you something to fiddle with. Bracelets can be spun around one of your fingers and make lots of noise. Rings can catch occasionaly catch the interest of more dim-witted female players (I would personally recommend you play with one or two of these types of people, they're generally not very good and won't catch on to your tricks.)

5. If you lose once or twice, KEEP PLAYING. Your skills will develop over time. And above all, have fun.