A Conversation for Dealing with Divorce
lost, lonely and confused
thelovelyfatima Started conversation Aug 25, 2006
I have no friends, just my husbands acquaintances. I had a very posh life but all "our" assets are froze or accounts have been closed. He had heart surgery last November, then again in March and hasn't been the same since. I am 12 years younger than he is and from a different class. Middle class women marries wealthy, promenient professional.
We have been married for 2 1/2 years.
I wasn't looking for a relationship and resisted his charm, friendship and dates for 6 months. He was persistant, so I gave in. At that time I owed my own house (or at least the front porch,it had a mortgage), out right owned my own car and had an decent paying job. I gave it all up in the name of love.
In the past he has insisted that I get on Prozac (p.m.s. and depression, diagnosed by him), attend counseling, diagnosed me as a binge alcoholic, verbally abused me, physically abused my 15 year old son and now has decided that because I went to a lawyer (for informational reasons 6 months ago) he can't trust me and wants a divorce.
I worked with him at his business and the day he filed for divorce, he fired me. He hasn't had me served yet as he is holding the papers and has not been back to the residence for 6 days now. I have no where to go so he is letting me stay in the house for an undisclosed amount of time (his schedule). I've started to look for a job, but because of who he is in our metro. city, it will be hard. If I go to a lawyer it will only fuel the fire. I want my marriage to work, but don't know how or what to do.
lost, lonely and confused
marianne_unfaithful Posted Oct 18, 2006
It seems to me you are being bullied. This man doesn't want a divorce, he wants to control you. He knows how dependent financially you have become on him, and that is what he intended all along. He is a control freak and a bully. I know I live with one myself and I have colluded with him long enough. He made me feel worthless, useless, and like I was good for nothing.
I wanted my relationship to work. After all, I too had given up a half decent house and a very, very small mortgage. Unfortunately I jumped in with both feet and invested all of my money in the house we now share. He put nothing of his cash in the house at the beginning, although has contributed to the mortgage over the years. We got a joint bank account, joint this and joint that. It is only over the last couple of years that I have wised up, but I am still here in this house - financially I am well and truly scuppered. I am over 50 and the most mortgage I could possibly afford is up to £60000. The house I sold is well in the region of £180000 now and although this property we live in is bigger and "better" when I pay out his share from any house sale I will be left with a paltry few quid. We have been in this house for six years.
I have a good job, great friends, but I too have felt lost, lonely and confused. I understand your dilemma, you just have to understand it yourself.
Once you start to see the light please believe me you will feel differently about him and from there you can draw strength. There will be no turning back. He is bullying you. I would never have admitted to living with a bully but now I have I know I have got to do something about it sooner or later.
Good Luck - I hope you find happiness.
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