h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Never deny that you're drunk because even a blind man can smell your breath. Instead, just admit that you've had "too much" , that you didn't "see it coming" and that you probably "didn't have enough to eat". More often than not, people will find this amusing and they will be relieved that they're more sober than you. (This, of course, depends on the kind of company you keep. For instance, you're girlfriends grandparents won't be amused). In any case, don't try to appear more intellectual because it is hard enough saying "post-modern realism" when sober , let alone in between ordering your 9th tequilla in a noisy bar.

enough of this decadence! As a teetotaller I want to know how to look drunk when sober. In that state, I'd stand out less at parties and the candid pix I'd take could be much more profitable!