h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Rats!
Worth a try, though.

Kudos, plaguesville......and a good try it was, I must say!!!

NM

Oops I forgot it was Fenny...she's in charge of something else I belong to and I got them confused...can you EVER forgive me?

to reiterate what somebody else said:
"Huh?"

It'll be okay Tuxedo. *pats him on the shoulder" Love your name though.

I would have to agree with the above. Another vote for ARSE! I would have to say that at least 6in. to a foot would be acceptable distance, anyone agree? Should it be way farther or not? Also, I would say that for one of the ground rules, you have to learn how to spit without using big globs of mucus, not only does this rule make this deliteful skill more difficult and artful, it also improves the beauty of the glob of spit. I find a clear watery substance much more atractive than a sticky wad of mucus.

I don't know if anyone will pick this conversation back up as it seems to have died sometime ago inexplicably.
Spitting is definately an art form and a learned talent. When you are young you learn to spit with by accumulating the saliva to the front of your mouth, shaping your lips as if to kiss someone, then making a hard "T" sound which forces air behind the accumulated saliva. This send the spit out the little hole made by the pursed lips. This send a very unorganized globule of spit outward, spraying everywhere and likely hitting several people, much like this intent of shrapnel. As you get older and more practiced, you learn to harness this action and adding an element of mucous to the mixture. This now allows you to aim the spit to hit one intended victim with out dampenning the spirits of innocent bystandards. Friendly fire become much more than one person can handle if your intention is to start a fight. So to place a name on one intended victim, it's a good idea to learn this technique.
To begin, bringing mucous up from the throat by clearing the throat. This action is called "hocking." It like a very low rolling "gk" or like the a "g" in the german language. Another method is to snort the mucous from you nasal cavity, and fighting the urge to swallow, bring it to your mouth through a rather complex maunipulation of several neck and throat muscles. However you do it, the mucous added to the spit adds both density and weight to your projectile which adds to aim, speed, and distance. Once you have your projectile primed and ready, you then curl your tounge, creating a barrel for the projectile to travel. Now take a deep breath. Then bring the projectile to then lip creating a seal.
Lastly, blow in a quick burst without loosing the seal. This will propel the muscous/spit globule at the intended target. The noise made should sound something like "thhhhooooo."
If offense it not your intent, this is also a handy way to expel the muscous brought up by clearing you throat and with aim you can dispose of the waste at a corner of the street or in a trash can if you feel so inclined. This, in my opinion is a much better option than swallowing the mass.
Or if offense is your intent you can aim the lugi at the vehicle of "new car" owners, who feel prince-like enough to take up 2-3 parking spaces so as not to allow for a scratch or ding in the side panels. With a good sized projectile and enough muscous you can leave a "present" that they will be sure to see on there side window or front windsheild. This gift will not be mistaken for the waste left by our fine aeronautic friends, but will be sure to get the message across that you "gift-giver" would like to inform the car-owner of his inept status amongst their peers.
The uses for this talent are virtually endless. And to those who feel this gift should be reserved for the privacy of one's own home, get a napkin handy, or unclench and let out that flatulence you've been saving for the ride home.
To drool is cro-magnon, to spit is devine.

Ya' know......I think that would make a mighty fine Article in The Guide!!!! You ort ta' see if ya' can get it accepted!

NM

Yeah, I thought about it as I was writing, but after doing a search on spitting, it seems this topic has been written on pretty extisively. So I figured I would just throw my two cents in here. Thank for the compliment though, I appreciate it.

Yukk!