h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I think you need to get out more... but you're right. I believe that the only reason for having the "tanks" in the programme was so that there could be a "class war" in the programme, without making it obviously racial/sectarian etc. etc. The tanks could be either sex and any colour, so the programme makers aren't alienating any audience. Supposedly. Apart from that, showing the "tanks" just before they come out of the tanks (hmmm, this is getting a bit Borg-like again) allows naked flesh.....
or am I just a cynic?

Well, kinda. But the teenage gestation thing was also meant to be a catch them at their most vunerable while not having to raise babies. But yes, to get a non volatile racisim thin in was good too.

But without a decent backdrop they were _only_ the token black guys. There was no reason for them to exist - unless they were created specifically to foster a feeling of brotherhood and equality among naturals by being the token non-ethnic ethinics. As Terry Pratchett wrote of Discworld's lack of racism: 'black and white got together and ganged up on green', or words to that effect.

And yes, presumably they were gestated to their teens so that you didn't a) have to feed them until they were able to work and b) get people going 'oh, but how can we oppress them? they're so cute when they're small'.

Speaking of token ethnics, a friend and I reached a conclusion the other day regarding the gratuitous black soul master alien CGI Muppet-substitute in the Jabba's Palace scene of the Special Edition of Return of the Jedi. We figure he is in fact Jar-Jar "Who-me?-a-comedy-idiot-savage-black-character-out-of-a-50s-african-adventure?-yeah-right-and-the-Trade-Federation-are-supposed-to-be-Japanese-I-suppose" Binks, all grown up and gone to seed, that irritating babbly voice reduced to a throaty, whisky-soaked growl.

Just a thought.

And you are probably right, Sho; I do need to get out more.

The Prophet.

As I said. Grown a sa slave cast by a morally dubious company before androids had been invented. The only difference between tehm and a human is teh circimstance of birth and teh rather curious neck naval but it was good to highlight the moral dubiousity of aerotech, the evil company.

i also need to get out more.

And while I felt that teh jar-Jar steryotype was unintentionla (doesn't stop him from being bloody annoying and wrecking huge chunks of the film) but the trade federation was utterly blatant. And he could be Jar jar, after all, we never did hear him sing. (thats scheduled to happen to brighten up annikins turn to teh dark side if ep1 is anything to go by)

I haven't seen episode 1 (I need to get out to the cinema more!!!) because I want to see it in English & it's difficult for me...... sniff... so I can't comment on that. But this "token" whatevertypeofalien thing in Sci-Fi things is getting right on my nerves. I'm really starting to like Andromeda (must be something to do with all that bare chest muscle and tight leather trousers!) but that furry guy (see, I don't pay too much attention) as the reformed human-eater-parasite thingy is getting on my nerves. Why can't he have a relapse now and again?
And while I'm on the subject, why do the captains in these things (ok, ok, just Star Trek - 60s version - and Andromeda) play their first officers at 3d versions of strategy games? Don't they have anything better to do?
And when you lot get out more, what are you going to do? I'll be willing to bet next week's pay packet (don't get excited, it doesn't amont to much) that it won't be a game of basketball!!!!

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Oh no, you really must watch Andromeda. You're right about Kevin (what a name! he's called Dylan in the show) being good enough for 3d snap - he was playing his first officer who was cheating!! But you have to get an eyeful of that Nietsche (?) bloke who wears the chain mail vest and the scrummy leather trousers. He is a big butch thing who went all wobbly about a blonde and the chance to have children last night. Then he reverted back to his killing machine true-type! Nauseating too, but I'm almost addicted.
And now for the sad fact: I have become very very addicted to Stargate -SG1. How sad does that make me?
Also: did anyone see the Dr. Who on UK Gold at the weekend. My husband only thought to wake me up after the event, not having recorded it for me (he's in deep poopy now) - because it was the episode where The Master is watching the Clangers, and making Clanger noises. Now you wouldn't get the Borg Queen doing that.....

What were they playing anyway, 3d batleship. I thought the bowl of smartie-like pieces was asking for trouble. I'd have eaten at least three of tehm bny now. And tier (as is his name but spelt different) reminds me of a kind of OTT worf. But andromeda is very watchable. If nothing else for teh purple chick and andromeda.

There is nothing wrong with Stargate SG1. Its quite fun and has a good amount of decent episodes. Its still going. I like it.

Missed Dr Who, but i was away from my TV that day but it sounds cool. And teh borg queen, have you seen Unimatrix Zero, she might just start doing clanger impressions. I hear that in part two she gets a big chair and a cat to stroke as she rants.

And peopel in trek not doing anything, remember they are an enlightened human spiecies more inclined to philosophy and enlighnenemnt and stuff. Evidence of this is shown because (unbelieveably) out of a crew of about 800, only two guys have used teh holodeck to enact sexual fantasies.

They were playing Go, which as far as I remember from my set (never did understand the rules) is an ancient Chinese tactical game. It probably would translate well into 3D - but aarrrggghhhh, they just have to do it, don't they.

I could go for an OTT Worf. Actually, I watch TNG and DS9 because of him! And Tier - well, he needs some anti-allergy lotion if you ask me. It's cold in space and he appears to be allergic to shirts (long may it last!) If you watch on Sky One, I take it you stay tuned for the New Professionals to get a double dose of the Andromeda girly. My "dear" husband thinks she looks better in Andromeda. I go into some kind of hazy trance as soon as the New Professionals starts (big fan of the tight-trousered original) so I can't tell. I don't fancy her, anyway.

SG1 is good because the characters are so ....well, indescribeable. Col. O'Niell just makes me laugh my socks off. I knew a few like him during my Army days. And the big guy (Tielk?) what's that beard about. He's so enigmatic I just want to tickle him. And Carter - she does nothing. Like a barbie in fatigues. And as for Daniel Jackson - well he's cute, but what about that haircut. And those wry, ironic expressions?

I like the Borg Queen - she's really great. I can just see her trying to assimilate the Clangers and all Borg suddenly becoming addicted to blue string pudding and soup. (oh help, i've outed myself as a Clanger fan)

The people in Trek can sometimes be very boringly perfect. J-L Picard: he reads REAL BOOKS, and knows about wine and tea and philosophy. No wonder he got away from the Borg! Janeway: shoot first. Don't even ask the questions. I'd like to see an episode of something with those two together.

I never saw anyone enacting sexual fantasies on the holodeck: tell me more.....
Sho
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3D Go? Isn't Go supposed to be perfect as it is?

As for Andromeda, not having cable not watching is not a matter of choice. Besides, lguys in leather trousers are a) not my type and, b) in plentiful supply on the BBC in the bequiffed form of Lawrence (Laurence?) Llewellyn-Bowen.

I'm kind of depressed by the idea that anyone involved in The New Professionals has ever worked again. It was pretty enough, but basically talentless, although I do approve of the credits opening with a car driving through a window.

I like SG-1 as well, even if it doesn't quite gel with what we saw in the movie (glowing spirit-alien rather than worm-dudes). Again, I don't get to watch it so much now I don't have cable anymore, but do I gather that Teal'c has pulled a Sisko? Carter does stuff, or at least used to; mostly science related or occasionally kung-fu style. And whatever the deal is with the haircut, Jackson gets most of the chicks so he must be doing something right (go archaeology!).

And shame on you for trying to hide your Clanger-liking tendencies. Huzzah I say! Huzzah for Smallfilms! Huzzah for Bagpuss and Mr Benn! They just don't make 'em like that anymore.

And if the Borg ever tried to assimilate the Clangers then Small Clanger would just come over and play with one of the Borg and they'd all end up friends.

Now I have this image of Emily bringing Hugh into the shop for Bagpuss to fix, and them leaving him in the window in case the Borg Collective should happen by, see him in the window, and come in to collect him.

Picard - in common with many Trek characters - reads real books, but nothing published after about 1990. It's as if with all this social and scientific progress no-one in the Galaxy has actually written or composed anything in five centuries odd. Aside from pre-twenty-first-century Earth, the sum cultural achievement of five civilisations seems to consist of three Klingon Operas, four Vulcan philosophical works, Romulan Ale and two Cardassian novels. Oh, and the forthcoming literary works of Jake Sisko.

Picard also gets more action - and potential action - than Sisko and Janeway put together; I think we could have a study to prove that if we could be bothered. Janeway would be more interesting if she ever stubbornly refused Chakotay's advice and was proved to be utterly and incontravertably WRONG!

As for the holosex thing, Barclay did it (Hollow Pursuits), but I don't know who else did.

And if they're all so refined and superior, what's up with Risa: The Federation's Brothel? And why would Dr Soong build Data fully, um... functional (never mind the extensive programming). Let us not imagine that the Federation are above desire and jealousy and the like. For starters, it would be pretty boring.

The Prophet.

I have to watch stuff on Satellite if I want to see it in English. Which means the lamentable Sky. Still, Andromeda is growing on me, and I get to see the Real Professionals (when I can be bothered)

SG-1 has really grown on me (spent all lunchtime catching up on the plots of series 1-3 which I have never seen). Daniel Jackson is an officially "sensitive" type - of course he gets all the chicks. Just like Eric Clapton does. But the hair!!! Teal'c pulled a Sisko? Can't comment but I read (because I read all the plots of series 4 too) that the caterpillar beardy thing goes tonight, or maybe next week. Carter just gets to be a smarty pants but doesn't get to boff O'Niell. Which is good. (how sad am i? I sometimes watch SG-1 and/or Voyager in German just so I can letch Jackson & Chakotay!!)

The idea of small & tiny clanger bringing down the Borg. Get on to the Trek writers and send them your script. Maybe they could insert some nanoprobes into blue-string-pudding and do them all at once (except Hugh and his pals, of course).

Re. smallfilms: I just received my pristine Noggin the Nog videos and book. Yaaayyy! I love Oliver Postgate. What a babe. And now my kids (3 and 2 years) love Noggin too!

Funny how the Trek characters have a preferance for all things 20th Century. Tom Parris & his 50s trucks, Picard with his books.... hmmmm. And you're right, about time Janeway was wrong. That time when she wanted to collapse some kind of wormhole and remain alone in the Delta Quadrant - they should have let her go! And considering that the crew of voyager aren't getting any younger, and how long it will take them to get home, about time they organised a gene pool and got procreating. That would be interesting...

I still want a holodeck. I could live at a rock festival for ever, and go out for a shower every day!

Got to go, I'm knitting Clangers for Christmas. (I feel a song coming on here)
Sho
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Sky is pretty poor. Every now and then I look at the listings and think: "I could be watching Buffy, I could be watching SG-1; I could be watching... Thanks for the Mammaries - 30 years of Page 3". Always makes me feel better.

To pull a Sisko: To radically increase in hardness as a result of becoming a badass slap-heap with a dodgy beard.

Of course Teal'c was already there with the slap-head.

My sister asked me to get her a Bagpuss for Christmas, and she's an ageing accountant. I'm not sure about Oliver Postgate being a babe though... I still have some of our old Ivor the Engine books, alongside my beloved copy of Lester and the Unusual Pet (see http://www.h2g2.com/A435232 for details).

And don't forget that Janeway's heroine is Amelia Aerhardt (sp?).

As for the gene pool, we know Tom and Beh'lanna are at least being responsible about it, but Janeway and Chakotay's stubbron refusal to bow to a) hormones and b) continuity is becoming almost childish.

The Prophet

Ok, and teh long awaited answer as to who was the second TNG character to enact sexual fantasies on a holodeck. Why it was our own engineer Geordie LaForge who was (admittedly unconfirmed) Bonking the holodeck reproduction of warp drive designer lea Brahms. From he created her in teh episode "booby Trap" and I can't remember teh episode where teh real Dr Brahms found his program. I need to get a job.

To be fair, Teal'c was already hard as well. And the catapillar has gone. yipee.

Oh, and Janeway being wrong. to be fair, she actually is and its just sheer luck that her stupid plans get done. That and teh fact that treck has been continually powering down teh borg. So, a standard cube in First contact (with more advanced dedecated warships) warrented starfleet to bring in a fleet. In Unimatrix Zero, Janeway quite happily decides, "lets attack a borg tactical cube. One fo teh really hard ones." I keep feeling that she's a female zap brannigan from futurama with chuckles (Chakotay) as her kip.

Oh, and bagpuss is cool, but alas I only barely remember it from my childhood. i feel so young.

Actually I'm very confused by the Borg. Usually they only assimilate whole species, if they come accross small pockets of a species they just zap them. But whenever the plot requires it they're assmiliating right left & centre.

BTW: I just can't get the picture of them trying to assimilate the Clangers out of my head.
"Resistance is Futile"
"peep peep peep"
"Blue string pudding is irrelevant"
"peep peep peep"
"comply"
"peep peep peep"
"Come on 4 of 8 - let's go back to the collective and give up"

Teal'c is also a babe. A much more yummy babe without the caterpiller. But yesterday (I assume you're in UK) on SKY ONE I watched SG-1 and spent the whole time laughing my socks off. (don't ask me the episode name, I only watch it to letch Dr. Jackson) It was brilliant.

Last year bagpuss toys were brought out in time for Christmas. But the target market wasn't for kids. Oh no. It was for we 30somethings. Just as the Clangers are this year (yep. Clangers on sale this year - they squeek when you press their tummies). I'm a skinflint living in a country that doesn't even know of the existance of Clangers (help us if the Clangers start to speak German) so I'm knitting some.

Oliver Postgate must be a babe. Have you listened to him narrating Noggin the Nog. That little squeeky voice for Noggin, deep gruff voice for the (Willie Rushton lookalike) Thor Nogson, and the evil voice for the (Terry Thomas lookalike) Nogbad the Bad (boooo!)

And finally: all in all I would prefer to be stationed on DS9. Much more bonking going on there. And Quark is brilliant!

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Now I've had a look at your user page..... so are you a Dr. Jackson lookalike? Do I have to swoon every time I see a posting from you? (I do, anyway )

Postgate-PG1 - wouldn't be any funnier than the episode on Sky1 last night. It was brilliant, I have to say. OK, so Bagpuss is Gen. Hammond. Major Clanger (who else) would take over from O'Niell. Tiny Clanger would have to do Jackson's job (because she's cute too, and very clever) Madelene (sp?) would do Carter and who else but the metal chicken for Teal'c... (who does not look like a sea bass..... more like a cod)

It is always the simple solutions which do in for the high-tec bad guys. Run up stairs to get away from darleks, and smaking Borgs with a meat cleaver and bob's your uncle. I have often wondered what a drone would say if they said "you will be assimilated" to Kevin the Teenager. "Oh that's sooooo unfair! I hate you" - "Oh, ok then, hop it"

50 quid for a saggy old cloth cat (I don't care if he is magic)?????? They're definately not for kids. Do you have to shove your arm up his nether regions? I must admit, I have always had a hankering for a Marvelous Mechanical Mouse Organ. But only if it comes with a talking Charlie mouse too.

Chakotay is never going to get any action just by being moody. He's way, way to earnest. To get "it" and be earnest you have to be sad to (like Jackson or O'Niell or Eric Clapton)
Sho
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Cool; I have my own cyber-stalker.
If you really want to know what I look like, or rather what I used to look like back when I was a lacksadaisical undergraduate, take a look at the Smoking Pumpkin article; that's me that is.

Actually, I figured Gabriel had the right look to be the Teal'c alike.

Daleks have hover-jet things now of course. I do sometimes think that the Borg should - every now and then - just look at someone and say: "I'm not assimilating that!" To which I suppose the Borg Queen would respond: "You'll assimilate what's put in front of you!"

The Bagpuss is worth it though, because it's for my sister. And no you certainly don't shove your hand up his nether regions; not unless you want to see the Bagpuss they didn't show on the show. The one who has documentaries about him in the Channel 4 strand ehich has the films about Sid James' unpleasant offscreen personality, Tony Hancock's depression and Kenneth Williams' self-loathing.

Bagpuss, the untold story.

Actually, I can't believe it; not of Bagpuss. Even if you did stick your hand up his nethers he'd just be shocked and hurt and shame on you for thinking it you bad, bad person.

Chakotay isn't getting any action because he thinks that Native American/Alien space tribe tattoo is a substitute for character. And because Janeway's playing hard to get.

And what is it with you and Eric Clapton? Is this some shameful secret you want to share with the group?

The Prophet.

Oh. What makes me into a cyber stalker, then? How old is the picture????? I suppose I'd be a cyber stalker if I kept asking you what colour underwear you're wearing. But I don't.
OK, I'll give you Gabriel. Madeline has to be the Doctor.
And about Bagpuss & his nether regions. That's how they animated him. He's a huge puppet. Or was.
I can't imagine any bloke getting up the nerve to try to boff Janeway. She'd put me of if I was one. And Chakotay - well he needs a good woman. I always thought he'd get it on with B'lana. But she went for the wimpy one.
As for Eric Clapton. He's just great, isn't he? He can spank the plank like no other, and he has feelings. Which is a great thing if you want to get it on with women. And loads of money, which helps. Maybe it's the glasses. Who knows.
See you in a week - I'm off to Korea tomorrow. I'll be surrounded by Pokemon. Yuk,
Sho
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