h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Are there any straight camp men out there? This may sound like a strange question, but there seems to be a (very) small minority of men out there (of which I'm proud(?) to be part of) who are totally at ease with their hetereosexual but sometimes unknowingly(!) act like utter queens. Personally, I didn't know I was so camp until someone pointed it out to me when I was in my late teens, apparently this also happened to Dale Winton and John Inman. Please Discuss!

There certainly are straight men who are campy (or perhaps even swishy, depending on the person). Sometimes these are men who have gay friends, and pick up their mannerisms by association. Other times the behavior arises naturally. I have even known a couple of guys for whom a speech impediment or mild walking handicap got them labelled as gay.

Perhaps we err by assuming certain behaviors or appearances are "gay" in nature. I feel this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, whereby we only recognize gay people that fit our stereotype -- thus missing all those who fall outside our expectations. This makes heterosexual people who fit the stereotypes subject to the same discrimination and prejudice that gay people receive.

You should indeed be proud of maintaining your self-confidence in light of people's reactions to you. Some men find the reactions so troubling that they lose their self-esteem or turn their anger towards gay people. In the end, it is better to accept that the stereotypes are wrong at least some of the time and you are right for being exactly who you are.

If we start with the premise, broadly accepted, that sexuality is a continuum from 100% hetero to 100% gay/homo then it is self evident that the majority of us lie somewhere in the middle. In other words we all have the hetero and homo leanings in different proportions.

This manifests itself as such things as supposedly straight men crying when their football team loses, gay men recognising & admitting that women can be sexy or even sexual, straight men having camp mannerisms etc. etc.

The reality in the 21st century is that we should "live and let live" and accept people for who they are as opposed to what they are.

We should never lose sight of the fact that sterotypes are inherently bad as they reduce the great diversity that is humanity to a set of ready measures. You only need to look at the Nazi methods for determining if someone was Jewish & the way they whipped up popular sentiment to see how sterotypes have been and can be used to the detriment of a minority (the usual targets for sterotyping).

Well said, Ross. I would also add that some things -- like straight men crying when their sports team loses -- are arbitrarily designated as "gay." I certainly don't think gay men cry more as a whole! The important thing is for everybody to be okay with who they are, without worrying about being labelled as something they're not.

It strikes me as dreadfully sad that "acceptable" hetero male behaviour has become narrower and narrower, until only a small range of emotions and behaviours are "acceptable". It leaves hetero men painted into a corner, and if they display "unacceptable" behaviour, they get aunted and insulted by other men. Bizarre and pretty darn unhealthy, IMHO.

I do find it interesting that the behaviours most frowned upon in men are those most stereotypically "feminine". I've had arguments with men over this, as I believe that it points to a still lingering idea of women as somehow inferior to men - a woman who can fix a car gets admiration for her stereotypically "masculine" behaviour, while a man who cries at a romantic film gets abuse for his stereotypically "feminine" behaviour. A woman who wears trousers is fine; a man who wears skirts is beyond the pale (unless he happens to be a football hero). A woman who doesn't wear make-up is perfectly acceptable; a man who does is a freak. It's all so arbitary and stupid.

They get taunted. Not aunted. I suspect that being aunted is very different.

I think you're right that the prescribed roles for men keep shrinking. More and more behaviors have become equally acceptable for both genders, thus shrinking the list of male-only traits.

And as men try to hold on to their failing privilege, these remaining traits have changed in flavor from the previously rich buffet list of options to a short, dysfunctional series of absolute social musts. You must not cry! You must like sports! And so forth. Suddenly, "real men" are stuck at the pb&j school of gender options.

I tend to think further sensitivity to gender discrimination against men would help this. The list of social options for men should grow to include both some of the old abandoned male traits and many of the traits currently assigned to women. But to do that, men will first have to be willing to get up their identification as a privileged gender.

I mean, it's one thing to complain about the lack of choices. It's quite another to risk the derision of going out in a skirt. Now that takes balls!