h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It just occured to me that whilst there's all this talk about the negative aspects of teen life no one has written anything about the great things, like being able to go out to parties with all your mates, messing about and being immature on a 'silly' day, getting most stuff done for you, having fun with friends, not having to make excuses if you want to do something and just doing it. I reckon many adults would be glad to have the lack of responsibility and freedom that most teens get.Ignoring all the bad stuff thats happened to me as my time as a teen (most have which has just served to make me a better person - I said better not bitter ) I've had some brilliant fun times which I'd never be able to do as an 'adult'.

My main point though is that everyone has written about teen sex, underage sex, teen pregnancy and related stuff but no-one seems to have written about teen love. It is possible for teens to be in love despite what many adults seem to think and have forgotten for themselves. We can feel exactly the same way about someone as they do but for teens it's seen as infatuation and "a phase". I know that many times in your teenage years you think you are in love but your not it is just an infatuation and many times you know its just a crush ("its just a little crush, not like everything I do... sorry )
but quite often there is that one time when you are truly in love. The trouble is all these statistics about teenage sex don't focus on that, we get very a negative press and people seem to think that we're all just running round sleeping with anyone. They seem to miss the fact that if a 25 year old sleeps with her boyfriend its viewed by society as love but if a 16 year old sleeps with her boyfriend then it gets put down. Why? Any answers? Or does anyone not agree that teen love's possible?

I think falling in love as a teen is definitely possible. I fell in love at 16, and remained with my SO for four years. Once we were adults, my parents finally accepted it was all "real." But then we grew apart.

I do think it is much harder to craft a lifelong relationship with someone when you're starting in your teens. I think it's more healthy for two people to meet from a position of personal independence. I recommend that both people be living on their own, capable of cleaning their apartment and making dinner, and capable of paying their rent and controlling their spending habits -- all before long term commitment gets involved.

I think it's much harder trying to learn these tasks of self-sufficiency when you never live on your own, and things only get more complicated once you move in with someone or marry them. If both partners stay together and make a commitment shortly after becoming adults, they have this uphill battle to fight over how they will manage their lives. There's also a risk they will divide the tasks between them, and then never learn the other half of the equation. When my father died, I came to understand how my mother never learned some of the things I did as a young adult about getting and keeping a job. My father was always the breadwinner, and she was the homemaker. Now she regrets that she never learned those early lessons.

I also think a teenager may still have some growing room to do before they fully understand themselves. As an adult, they may find their dream career, social group, hobbies, and so on change drastically. When that is happening to both partners in a relationship, I think it's easier for them to grow apart. This is especially true when they separate to attend college. They may come back for summer break the next year, and even despite huge long distance bills they might find they're far less in touch with one another.

Is teen love possible? You bet. Will it last a lifetime? It's far less likely. That's my take on things. The moral of the story is, 'Enjoy it while you can. And be good to each other. No matter what happens, you'll never forget your first love.'

I agree with what you say about changing, but call me naive if you like but surely a couple, if truly in love, will change together, sure their interests and aspirations will alter, possibly beyond belief, but they're still the same person you fell in love with. I'm talking about ground moving, butterfly giving type of love which most adults seem to think doesn't exist in teens. I don't think this is affected by change, you still love them just as much and you still can't imagine being without them. I think it was McAdams (humanist psychologist)who suggests that your life is like a novel, it's constantly being rewritten and so you will constantly change, even in adulthood. You have set stages which you go through such as at the start of adolescence you have many possible selfs which you can switch between to suit the 'narrative' but by early adulthood you settle on one self and this is you, however, as with all novels you're still changing. The best way to go through life is to never actually decide on an ending because that way you will be able to be satisfied with whatever happens. In relation to my question about teen love, surely this means that as we are all constantly changing it should make no difference as to what age you fall in love, if your 'soul mates' that's it whatever age

I'm 14 and people find it hard to believe I've never been in love, I've only ever danced with a boy at a party but he was gay, so there wasn't much chance of love blooming there I've got my crushes though, the obvious one being Skandal (hence my name), it's funny as on MSN messenger I go around with the name "James from Skandal's secret girlfriend", I only made it that a few days ago, I was thinking about making that my name considering I thought he was very good looking, then I met him, and OH MY WORD I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYONE AS GOOD LOOKING IN MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!! He's the sweetest person as well, and he gave me his autograph, and as he handed it to me kissed me on the cheek! I mean, I've fallen totally in love with him! Thing is being in a band I've got to forget my crush as I've got NO chance, but I can still love him can't I? I know his look alike any way so I can just pretend!

First love was when I was 14. I picked up the phone to ring her I don't know how many times always getting to that last digit before pressing down the receiver again. Eventually got up the courage to let it ring and she wasn't in. Darn.

BTW we'd kissed about 3 weeks earlier on the boat back from a school trip. However when I eventually got her in, she didn't want to go out with me. Shame.

I admire your optimism, but realistically I only know of one case of teenage love that turned into an adult marriage. And I wouldn't call that a success either, since the couple were divorced at age 22.

I don't think love is always enough. It helps to have shared goals in life. Without those, it takes an extraordinary amount of inner maturity to make the relationship work -- an amount that many adults don't have as evidenced by the over 50% divorce rate. When you're a teen, you probably don't know what your life goals are going to be. I attempted to pledge a lifetime to someone before I knew mine, and the results were somewhat on the disastrous side. This was despite our best intentions and over 2 years of effort aimed at working out our differences.

I think that perhaps when you are a teen, any love at all feels like "that one perfect love." If its your first love, you have no way of making a comparison. You only know that your love makes you feel better than anyone else ever has.

I do not want the message to be that teens shouldn't try. And I do not mean to lambast the romantic notion of the "one true love." I still imagine it is possible to meet that one special person in high school and then stay together forever. I am just saying that you should not bet your life's happiness on your first love until you are both a bit older. Get out and see the world, and then decide if you both would freely choose to return to one another.

My sister's first love was at 14

Yeah one of my ex g/fs was engaged to her teenage love. Almost got engaged to me, now that would have been interesting , then got married to the best friend of her first ex. By the way all three of us are friends.

Now my head is confused.....

I have had four 'serious' relationships with g/f before realising that I was gay. I know it's a bit confusing but I had a very difficult time accepting it, religious and cultural upbringing had a lot to answer for.

I've only ever danced with one boy and he was gay. I actually find at least with gay people they seem a lot nicer than others. For instant I was at this 18th birthday party a few months ago and I found you could tell who was gay, becuase they were the people that bought you in from the cold and made you feel welcome, unlike everyone else who gave you the cold shoulder. I like friendly people

Ssssh. Don't give away all the secrets of how we can instinctively now who we can try.

Just saying how nice some people can be! Not everyone wants bad press!

I know that. But everyone thinks it's a gift. Actually it's just one of teh indiactors I know some perfectly charming and nice guys who are a straight as a roman road, darn shame really.

The boy I danced with was really sweet actually, he only danced with me cos I was the only one who had no-one to dance with so he felt sorry for me, then he told me I was a good dancer and he loves me!

No that I can understand. As a little bit of an outsider group we do tend not to want to see others left out.

I don't know why but whereever I go I'm always the one left out, so that was a nice change

hey.. pass them this way DD!!

actually, I'm 19. my 'first love' was at 13. and I really hurt him. This I'm not proud of, I was immature etc etc. and its one of the things I hardly ever say. Because of the snobby school I went to, my next experience of anything other than teacher crushes was last october, the start of uni. that was my first 'real', sexual love. I'd talk about him, and my heart would beat faster etc. Towards the end of the relationship (6 months) I began to realise that we'd grown further apart, and I tried to adjust so that we were more compatible as it were. it didn't work out, mainly because Ian wasn;t willing to change his ways. that was that. end of relationship. It hit me like a 10 tonne weight falling from the sky.

a week later I met Simon in RL (we knew each other for about 3 months on the net) and I was so confused. From Ian, I've learnt that it takes two to make a relationship, no matter how much one of you may want it to work. I didn't want to have another relationship so soon after leaveing one, literally 6 days.

I've been with Si for 3 months now. I wouldnt say I'm in love, more in lust. This is not a bad thing, and I probably wouldn't change it for anything. Its nice having someone to curl up beside, and watch TV with, but I dont feel emotionally attached in the same way I did with Ian. If I got bored of the relationship, I wouldn't be happy, but I could walk out of it no probs. Having said that... who knows!

I'm moving in with Ian next year. Once we split up we discovered a new side to each other, and have become very good friends. I hope that when Simon and I break up, we too will remain good friends, and actually, it'd take a lot to break Si and I apart friends wise... we're too similar!!

Anyway, not sure if this adds anything, but there you have my story!!

That's another question: "Can boys and girls just be "good friends"?" I think they can, I've got a good friend who is boy and there's no romance between us, even though I'm not sure if he likes me more than I think!

Yep they can. Ok bad example coming from me but my best friend is female. However I have many good male friends who I would never consider anything more than friends, firstly they are straight but maybe I'm not the ideal person to answer this.