Dating Apart - Scent of an Alien
Created | Updated Aug 4, 2004
I was in the middle of the dance floor dancing cheek to cheek with my new girlfriend when a unrealistic smell suddenly lingered into the room and threatened our romantic embrace.
I believed it unrealistic because nothing on earth could smell like that, I therefore deemed that it is was a virtual smell, created by a very evil, talented and intelligent alien being, probably a creative arty farty type, trying to turn my girl against me. They were probably using technology based on the latest odour modelling techniques coupled with Intel’s next generation biological chips.
… although I must admit the alien life form responsible for this unreal work of fluctuant art has done a bloody good job. Most of the people in the room without my superior knowledge of virtual reality and Matrix movies were fooled and didn’t realise that it was a virtual, unreal piece of work which didn’t really exist, even if it did come with an aftertaste and was well past it’s use by date.
So, there I was, holding my ground, whilst my partner and the rest of the persons on the dance floor were holding their breath and had run away to the other side of the room, frightened by the unknown.
I looked them straight in the eye, teasing them with my superior knowledge of alien electronic fragrance modelling techniques.
Do not be afraid I shouted to my partner, come back, there is nothing to be scared of, It is not real, It is only a figment of our imagination, I will save you, I will protect you from these aliens, but she was to scared to join me, and so, to the sound of ignorant “could have fooled me” mutterings, I continued to heroically hold my ground, ready to fight the alien invaders and their ghastly hallucination inducing weapons.
Two days later I woke up feeling bruised and battered in a hospital bed. There were guards on the door and masked doctors and nurses hovering around the bed. Had I been wounded in the battle, did my heroic stance mange to save the earth, was my girl still alive.. or had I been captured by humanoid looking aliens who were about to do some nasty experiments on me…
I slowly lifted up my head and asked ..What’s going on, what happened…
the humanoid like doctor took a deep breath, slowly pulled down his mask and replied in a very English accent "I believe you farted Sir"
I believed it unrealistic because nothing on earth could smell like that, I therefore deemed that it is was a virtual smell, created by a very evil, talented and intelligent alien being, probably a creative arty farty type, trying to turn my girl against me. They were probably using technology based on the latest odour modelling techniques coupled with Intel’s next generation biological chips.
… although I must admit the alien life form responsible for this unreal work of fluctuant art has done a bloody good job. Most of the people in the room without my superior knowledge of virtual reality and Matrix movies were fooled and didn’t realise that it was a virtual, unreal piece of work which didn’t really exist, even if it did come with an aftertaste and was well past it’s use by date.
So, there I was, holding my ground, whilst my partner and the rest of the persons on the dance floor were holding their breath and had run away to the other side of the room, frightened by the unknown.
I looked them straight in the eye, teasing them with my superior knowledge of alien electronic fragrance modelling techniques.
Do not be afraid I shouted to my partner, come back, there is nothing to be scared of, It is not real, It is only a figment of our imagination, I will save you, I will protect you from these aliens, but she was to scared to join me, and so, to the sound of ignorant “could have fooled me” mutterings, I continued to heroically hold my ground, ready to fight the alien invaders and their ghastly hallucination inducing weapons.
Two days later I woke up feeling bruised and battered in a hospital bed. There were guards on the door and masked doctors and nurses hovering around the bed. Had I been wounded in the battle, did my heroic stance mange to save the earth, was my girl still alive.. or had I been captured by humanoid looking aliens who were about to do some nasty experiments on me…
I slowly lifted up my head and asked ..What’s going on, what happened…
the humanoid like doctor took a deep breath, slowly pulled down his mask and replied in a very English accent "I believe you farted Sir"
