h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I would like to clear a few points up:-

* The Holy Bible was MY idea, anybody infringing upon my copywright will be serverely dealt with, not just in a 'my solicitor charges more than your solicitor' kind of a way - where talking 'instant' karma.

* I really get sick & tried of seeing jumped up little rock stars trying to get cool by association with me, whether it be wearing a cross (which I might add is in very poor taste as a fashion accessory) or believing themselves to be Christlike in wisdom, constitution and ability to live forever (see Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain & Tiny Tim).

* I would like also like to clear up the whole Richie saga. He is fact living on a small island off the Shetland Islands. Where infact; he has only a pig, a duck & an attractive Swedish model for company.
He has disowned his previous glamorous, decadent lifestyle for the simple pleasures of manure, grime and getting to know the fore-mentioned model on a more 'intimate' level.

- I AM the word (...so go tell that to your solicitors.)

Nice to know that you're God, but you don't seem able to spell properly... and surely solicitors work for the devil?

Most rock stars don't tend to believe in God, it's the stupid teenyboppers that thank God at every opportunity, and the rappers.

Richie may be living near the Shetlands, but that doesn't really tell us what's happened to Richey does it? And you think being anorexic and severely depressed makes you glamourous? Can't wait to get to heaven if that's the case...

* Blushes profusely *

I think, I have been associating with the wrong types in my quest to understand humanity better. Unfortunately, I am not used to the local alcoholic beverages, (effectively being on the wagon for millions upon billions of years) I tend to ramble on when I'm drunk. Which would account for my previous reply

It's just that every little rock/pop star gets greater respect than me these days, honestly, it's not enough to have single-handedly created the Universe, you now have to have made an appearance on TOTP's as well...

Also, I'm probably a little bit bitter about the whole Christian pop/rock phenomena. If only they had some of the charisma of Richie, instead of them having the equivalent of a crash test dummy...

By the way, Richie says 'Hi', and he assures me his new solo album 'Songs about Combine-Harvesters' will be released soon...

- Saving Humanity from itself...

So God is a pisshead? Woo-hoo, does that mean it's OK to go out and get completely slaughtered every night?

I have more respect for God as he HASN'T appeared on TOTP - although he'd probably mime a lot better than Steps. Anyway, if you single handedly created the Universe, that means you created everyone right? If yes, please answer these questions:

1. Why did you create David Beckham? He cost us the World Cup!
2. America. WHY?!?

Re Christian pop/rock, I only know of Delirious? and Sixpence None The Richer, who are respectively OK and shite (excuse my language, even though you did invent it). Sixpence should be condemned to hell for covering There She Goes, can you sort that out for us?

Can't wait to hear Songs about Combine Harvesters, could you get us an mp3?

Given that some of my devout monks brewed the first batch of mead, I thought, I had better try some.

Lo & Behold, it was good.

I particularly like the sense of philosophical clarity one attains at 3 a.m in the morning, just a shame really, all is forgotten promptly the next day...

The general rule of thumb with imbibing alcohol should be, you should stop before you internally start to bleed...

* my master looks forlornly away. Thinks - TOTP's *

Alas, to missed opportunities...

* sigh *

Anyway, David Beckham...Hmmm. He plays for the Red Devils, need I say more.

Hmmm... America, I created America so I could house all of the Americans. Mind you, I didn’t think they were going to annex the world...

No, I’m just joking, the real reason is that this is the first time I have created a Universe, I’m basically making it up as I go along, even an omniconscious being is bound to make the odd glaring oversight, every eon or so; but it’s always the way when you do a little D.I.Y...

Oh, yes...and the above anecdote about drinking may have something to do with it.

Due to copyright laws, I can’t physically stop Six Pence None the Richer from destroying the memory of the La’s, but thankfully, they won’t be playing music where I intend to send them...la

St.Peter swears by Vqf standard audio, so I can’t send you the MP3 you requested, but look out at Archives of Pain for the first taster from the album ‘Thrashing about in the hay with my Swedish Supermodel’, the Bagpipe & Kazoo fugue in the middle is a real killer...

- Manic Religious Preacher.

Why should you stop drinking before you internally start to bleed? Surely you, being a deity, don't bleed?

Good answer about Beckham. Does that mean Scum United are the creation of the Devil, and his current guise is Alex Ferguson?
Anyway, David Beckham...Hmmm. He plays for the Red Devils, need I say more.

Nice answer about America too, you're on the right road to converting me! So you're saying this Universe is your first attempt, not bad, at least next time you know to not create Americans, and Microsoft and McDonalds...

Hey, I have a VQF player now, so you have no excuse not to send me Richey's concept songs... anyway, I'd rather have some pics of ‘Thrashing about in the hay with my Swedish Supermodel’ than some vqfs...

Uh...look, Ummmm...

* Tries feverishly to come up with an excuse for the missing Richie VQF's *

Look, using a Spectrun ZX81 computer to play audio files is generally not recommended, but when you hook up Netscape as well, things tend to crash - often. I mean, on an hourly basis. So it comes as no real suprise to find the files were wiped by St.Peter.

But rest assured, when I get my hands on them again, you will be the first to receive a copy...

Using Netscape eh? Surely as you are God, you should be embracing the wonderful browser that is Opera?

And what's the excuse for Bill Gates and Microsoft eh?