h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The obvious answer is to have a
"Caution, Caution Wet Floor Sign, Sign"
This would be at least seven feet high and five feet across.
No chance of missing that one!!!

Or you could dry the floor after cleaning

Or wait until the store/restuarant/club etc is closed/quiet

Or use my new invention of dry water

When I'm unsteady on my feet, it's usually caused by liquids other than water.

Funny you should mention that actually, Lizzy, because I actually suggested that in my original article.

But they cut that bit. Gits.

Article 207190 if you are interested.

Hmmm. Perhaps the sub-ed thought the Guide wasn't ready for the concept of recursive 'wet floor' signs?

26199

Caution,Caution wet floor sign, sign
LOL, I love it!
-B-

On the note of useful(?) signs, a famous politically correct attempt at signing at a Birmingham college...
Signs were placed strategically in stairwells saying 'mind your head'.
Some bright spark, quite rightly, pointed out that blind people would not see the warning.
Some other (not so) bright spark added braille to the signs, sadly resulting in blind students reading the message with their foreheads as they collided with the ceiling!

Remember of course that 'Wet Floor' signs are NOT instructions.

This gem of wisdom was mysteriously edited out of the article 'Fast Food Restaurant Users Manual' at http://www.h2g2.com/A182945 by some commie mutant traitor (see thread on Paranoia at http://www.h2g2.com/A271144

Thankyou for listening to this advert, we return you now the regularly scheduled flame war...

As a very tall person, I quite often smash my head against signs designed to improve health and safety. Thus I get incremental brain damage, but in a good cause.

I seem to remember reading a report about a worker raising a pendent up a flag pole to celebrate one hundred (or some such number of) accident free days at a power station. He was injured when the pulley came away from the top of the mast and hit him on the head.

You gotta laugh, eh?

I would, however, like to point out that that particular story sounds very much like an Urban Legend and therefore is quite possibly fictional.

26199, The Eternal Sceptic

Having done some brain racking, I am pretty sure this came from Steven Pile's "Book of Heroic Failures". True? I've no idea.

That's a good book .

Chances are, though, that it's been around for ages.

26199

Have you ever read "The REturn of Heroic Failures", by that very same man? It's just as good as the original. Haven't read it for ages though...

I've not seen the second book. If anyone has a copy, I wouldn't mind a borrow of it.

I'll have it when you're finished...

26199

Clearly he has a low boredom threshold.

On that topic, I read about a firm who had a five year safety record - totally accident free - so in an effort to maintain this, they showed their employees a special video showing about the dangers of industrial accidents and the ramifications. Apparently it was so gorey, that in a rush to leave the room, many of the employees fell over and broke bits of themselves, passed out, yahdy yah...

Sounds like a load of rubbish, I must confess, but a cute tale nonetheless.

Ah, Stephen Pile. What a god.