h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

So what are your favourite lines of Carry On humour? Which examples of people taking it the wrong way make you chuckle?

Mine is probably from Carry On Abroad (1971) and comes from the immortal mouth of Sid James. He's describing his wife Cora, as played by the ever-suffering Joan Sims.

"The name's Flange. Vic Flange. This is the wife." [indicates Sims] "Don't laugh."

Cruelty in a minimum possible number of words... sheer genius!

Paul

From the same film, when June Whitfield replies "Tried it once, but didn't like it" to several questions and then adds "My daughter is just the same," to which Sid James asks "Only child, is she?"

Oh fantastic!

Got to be that often quoted and much imitated

Infamy Infamy...............They've all got it in fer me

I'll think up a few more later

The Khasi of Kalabar (Kenneth Williams): May the great God Shivoo bring blessings on your house.
Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond (Sid James): And on yours.
The Khasi: And may his radiance light up your darkness.
Sir Sidney: And up yours.

That Vic Flange quote is even funnier because what does 'Vic' do after saying 'Don't laugh'? He cackles the trademarked Sid James laugh. Hahaha!

Another shocking one is in 'Don't Lose Your Head', where Joan Sims is speaking to Charles Hawtrey. She indicates Kenneth Williams (who's posing as her husband) and starts: 'My husband - the Count...' only she annunciates the word 'Count' in such as way as to be possibly misheard as a rather nasty insult. When I saw that scene again recently was really shocked by that...

And, when I first saw it at the age of seven, Kenneth Connor's 'Oogle oogle' in 'Carry on Cleo' had me of the floor every time. No idea why now

Carry on Cleo, I think

Kenneth Williams (grandly): Friends ... Romans ....
Sidekick (stage whisper): and countrymen!
Kenneth Williams: I KNOW!

I think this joke gets repeated later on, when Kenneth Williams is dying, so he croaks the first two words but does the I KNOW with his usual vigour, before muttering "Oh what's the use?" and slumping.

Carry On Doctor, when Jim Dale is examining Barbara Windsor (who is wearing the heart-shaped sparkly bikini ie almost nothing):

Hattie Jacques: Any giddiness? Fever?
Jim Dale: Actually, now you mention it ...
Hattie Jacques: Not you, the patient!

But that's one you really have to see for it to work!

Carry On Doctor I think:

Bernard Bresslaw: I had dream about you last night.
Anita Harris: Did you?
BB: No, you wouldn't let me.

It has to be the Carry on Doctor series. Sid James' was acting in bed due to a recent heart attack and if Hattie Jacques is remembered for any Carry On character, it has to be the indomitable Matron as in "ooh, Matron"

"Young chickens may be soft and tender but the older birds have more on them"
"Yes. And take a lot more stuffing"

From carry on Again Doctor
Dr Carver: Is there any pain?
Mr Bean: Yes Sir, especially when I pass water.
Dr Carver: Well the best thing for you to do, Mr Bean, is to stop passing it. Everytime you come to some stop and turn back

Carry On Camping

After thhe infamous flying bra

"Now that Barbara has fallen out"

Carry On Behind

Kenneth Williams trying to exlain a mosaic to a russian arceologist

KW - Its called the NAAFI

RA - So this is Roman NAAFI, a places where soldiers are coming for drinking and for women and for..............

This was actually written by Frank Muir and Denis Norden, for one of their radio shows in the 1950's. I seem to remember they were credited for it (but not very often...)

S.

Jon Pertwee-Carry on Screaming, looking in his book to identify Oddbod as Homo Giganticus (or whatever)
"oh, ah, wrong type of homo altogether"

"little baskets"-Sid James-inspecting babies...in baskets.

Kenneth Williams discussing Romeo and Juliet in Carry on Teacher- "I know, the girl down our street!"


I adore the scene in Carry on Constable with Williams and Hawtry 'undercover'-choosing what name their female impersonations should have!

Carry On Behind-

Elke Sommer-

"I am keeping a dirty caravan" "you having scrubbers"

and the Minah bird-"show us yer bum!" "get stuffed" to 'Mother in Law" Joan Sims :D