h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The amount of ownright tonfoolery and lies about cigarettes and health boogle the mind. For instance, it is widely
assumed that smoking causes a great cost placed upon society and government, due to the deleterious health effects
of smoking, and the consequent medical costs. Indeed, a heavy smoker is expected to live about 15 years less than the average person. Importantly, the heavy smoker has a difficult time gaining weight. Then

1. The primary medical cost to society is because people live too damn long. Smokers do not, they save society 10-15
years of horrendous medical bills because they die so damn quick.

2. The secondary medical cost to society is because people get so damned fat. Smokers do not, they save the planet by living off nicotine and coffee instead of twinkies.

3. Diabetes is the third great cost, and the primary cause of diabetes is age and being too damned fat. Smokers rarely contract diabetes because they die first, can't get fat, and I think the coffee has something to do with it.

Therefore, "Light 'em up!" The Marlboro Man died before 60 of lung cancer and didn't cosy us a penny. We should ENCOURAGE smoking, especially amongst Republicans and economists. Think how much money we'll have left to spend on the old, fat people who will while away their last Alzheimered years at the local "rest home".

I have a theory on why people smoke. everyone has a sucicide wish, however cheerful a person is there is always a time in their life when at some point it has crossed their mind, even if only for a split second. Some people have a bigger suicide wish than others. Some people go through with it, some people take up dangerous sports like jumping of mountains and buildings and the less adventurous and suicidal amongst us take up smoking.