h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You completely forgot George Carlin!!

Well? Give 'em to me and I'll see if we can't get this updated!

btw: Where in the NE US? I'm a Pennsylvanian but I simply love Rhode Island and Maine...

Cheers!

- Jimi X

I live in Pennsylvania too! More specifiically a philly suberb, but I wont say which. Theyre more little things to think about, but theyre funny. > 1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him
> around several times, does he become
> disoriented?
>
> 2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why
> aren't people from Holland called Holes?
>
> 3. Why do we say something is out of whack?
> What's a whack?
>
> 4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults
> enjoy adultery?
>
> 5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
>
> 6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
>
> 7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your
> thoughts" and you put your two cents in . . .
> what happens to the other penny?
>
> 8. Why is the man who invests all your money
> called a broker?
>
> 9. Why ! do croutons come in airtight ! packages?
> Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
>
> 10. When cheese gets its picture taken,
> what does it say?
>
> 11. Why is a person who plays the piano called
> a pianist but a person who drives a race car
> not called a racist?
>
> 12. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
>
> 13. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite
> things?
>
> 14. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
>
> 15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence
> in the English language. Could it be that
> "I do" is the longest sentence?
>
> 16. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen
> defrocked, doesn't it follow that
> electricians can be delighted,> musicians denoted,
> ! cowboys deranged,
> &! nbsp; models deposed,
> tree surgeons debarked,
> and dry cleaners depressed?
>
> 17. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they
> call it Fed UP?
>
> 18. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
>
> 19. What hair color do they put on the driver's
> licenses of bald men?
>
> 20. I was thinking about how people seem
> to read the Bible a whole lot more as they
> get older; then it dawned on me . . .
> they're cramming! for their final exam.
>
> 21. I thought about how mothers feed their
> babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I
> wondered what do Chinese mothers use?
> Toothpicks?
>
> 22. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in
> the Post Office? What are we supposed to do,
> write to them? Why don't they just put their
> pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen
> can look for them while they deliver the mail?
>
> 23. If it's true that we are here to help others, then
> what exactly are the others here for?
>
> 24. You never really learn to swear until you learn
> to drive.
>
> 25. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their
> team is winning.
>> 26. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would
> be if it didn't zigzag?
>
> 27. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The
> mime next door went nuts.
>
> 28. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
>
> 29. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

Yeah, they don't seem much like witty quotes, but they are funny.
I caught Carlin a couple of times when he performed in Harrisburg and he always tore me up with laughter - seriously funny guy.

Colonel Sellers (a Californian) is putting together a bit of a project on the American Revolution. Since you live in America's birthplace, perhaps you might have some info to contribute?

I've taken on some entries on Valley Forge, the Battle of Brandywine, the Battle of Germantown, ect. But if you've got some stuff to add, I'd love to hear it.

The Colonel's main American Revolutionary War project page is at http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A529355 if you're interested.

Cheers!

- X

what a page. funny...things, and a link. I am just about to do coursework on the American Revolution.

Although the quotes you have mentioned are mildly amusing I don't believe they're in the same league as Dorothy Parker et al.
We might as well attribute great wit to Pam Ayres.

Paul Ehrlich:
"To err is human but to really foul things up you need a computer"

To err is human, but to moo is bovine.