h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Do I have the record for the oldest Parlour palm its 4 foot high and 22 years old pretty tatty looking though

The Victorian favourites are still the best. New fangled plants wear about as well as new cars or anything else.

Any plant would prefer a live performance to recorded music (unless it's loud enough to shake the dust off). They are more interested in carbon dioxide than how well you can carry a tune.

Incidentally, it occurs to me that what we mean by house plant pales in comparison to the expectations, say, of a gibbon.

We trust them, we give them house space. But in the night they are growing, taller, stronger, closer to the goldfish bowl. I know what their ultimate plan is and so does 'Tiddles.'
Take care, don't breath out any carbon dioxide.

They also steal your oxygen in the night.

Also your socks and the TV remote control

Best add "repotting" to the list of things not to do when you're very stoned.

Bugger repotting them, give them to people you hate. Send them in the mail instead of letter bombs. Lock yourself in a room with them instead of running that hose from the muffler to your car window to kill yourself. Give them to your mother-in-law, she'll think you really do care when instead you are just trying a new way to kill her. Be creative with them!!!!!