h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

* Peet also grabs a transponder, but drops it in one of his pockets *

*Buccaneer stumbles out of the inn.*

Arrrr, ish it time to go aready? Jush a minute, I gots to get me shoppin.

*Buccaneer ducks back into the tavern and reemerges a few minutes later with a duffle bag. He carries it over to one of the Yaks, stepping very carefully and deliberately, with much concentration. He heaves the duffle onto the Yak where it lands with a clink.*

* The Sun peeps hesitantly over the brow of Ben Affleck, sending golden rays glinting off the harnesses of the yaks, then thinks better of it and ducks behind some ominous black clouds. A light drizzle begins to fall. *

Aye, the rain's fine an' warm for the time o' year!

*Amy picks up a transponder and looks at it*

Now, how exactly is this supposed to attach to someone flat? And I probably couldn't fold or roll up tight or anything if I taped it to me. Any objections if I skip it? Or... *Amy fastens transponder strap around one of the mufflewhump basket's handles*

*Gets out mufflewhump, concentrates, and places the new basket lid with integral bungees on the basket. Fastens basket to a pony's saddle and perches on top, slipping strategic parts of self under the bungees*

*Amy realizes that not only did she not grab the reins on her way up, she can't give any leg pressure for steering while on the basket, and probably couldn't squeeze hard enough with her legs if she was on the saddle, anyway.*

*Sigh*

*Amy gets down, unfastens the basket, and shifts the entire kit and kaboodle to Magog, climbing atop once again.*

*Through it all, the pony Amy had chosen watches in disbelief, and looks annoyed as it filters through that, although there had been a lot of shifting around, the entire load had weighed less than a normal rider, and so more work would be required of him.*

Can I name my pony Hiho Silver? [The pony looks up at Lentilla with a disgusted expression.] Hmm... maybe not. How about Glueboy? [The pony snorts and looks away.] Fine, I'll just call you Pony until a better name comes along.

[Lentilla gets on the pony, checking to make sure her canteen is easily accessible.] Right! I'm ready.

By the way, Amy, I got you this.

* Offers Amy the instant Müfflewhümp mix *

It's probably not very good, but it might come in handy in a pinch.

*blinks*

Didn't know there was such a thing...

Might come in handy, at that, since I could only stuff a finite number of mufflewhumps in the basket before I followed you to the trophy room/den/whatever. Let's see how this would work...

*looks at box*

Ah, instructions! In... Hrruban, High Martian, Low Thranx, and what looks to be a phonetic rendition of Toddler

Thanks, Peet, a lot, really, I mean it...

*Buccaneer looks around for his pony. He sees one with an eyepatch and a peghoof.*

Arrrrr, mateys. Which one o these be mine?

I don't know what the ponies' names are. They haven't told me.

It may seem mild to you, but that wind out of the northeast means snow at the heights. We must move.

*so saying, he mounts a pony. Two servants also mount and take positions in the middle and rear of the caravan of yaks*

We go due north through the village then turn left at a fork about 3 files yon. The road starts to climb and wind. Another 3 miles and you'll see a sign saying MOUNTAINS and pointing up a trail. We take that. Another few miles and we'll stop to eat. And after that we'll be on foot.

*Hamish turns his pony toward the gate and leads the caravan out*

"...a fork about 3 files yon..." Don't these virtual worlds get confusing...

Damn.



* Mutters to himself: "That's better." *

Yeah, shouldn't that have been "...a mork 3 files yon"?


*Mounts the only pony left - the one with the eyepatch and peghoof.*

Arrrr, reminds me of a joke. What has 4 legs, 4 hands and 4 eyes? Well, it be 4 pirates, o' course. Arrrr arrrr arrrrr.

And Buccaneer, I know what your favorite kind of movie is...

Arrrrrrr rated!

[Lentilla urges her pony up the trail.]

I like snow, Mr. McFierce. I just don't like it if any of the larger drifts hide Snow Wights in them.

...although, come to think of it, Snow Wights are basically what we're looking for...

*gallops along on his pony*

* In a move borne of many years of careful practice, Peet puts his foot in the stirrup, leaps onto his pony and falls off. He takes up the rear of the party, being dragged along the ground by one leg, with both he and the pony wearing a resigned expression. *

*at the head of the caravan, Hamish passes a monolithic rock carved, like a totem pole, with drawers and little label holders on the front. At the foot of the monolith is a sign saying FILE MARKER ONE*

Again,

*as the caravan moves along, the weather begins to worsen*

*Further up the road, a metal sculpture about fifteen feet tall looms into view, dark against the leaden sky. It is modelled after a farrier's rasp, and a sign at the bottom says FILE MARKER TWO*