A Conversation for Penguins

A8587911 - The Penguin

Post 21

Opticalillusion- media mynx life would be boring without hiccups

updated smiley - smiley

anything left out I have not understood


A8587911 - The Penguin

Post 22

Gnomon - time to move on

"and family Spheniscidae) which" -- change the closing bracket to a comma.

OK, let's move on.

"It is thought that the bigger the penguin the colder the climate is that it lives in, for it retains more heat."

This would be better the other way around: large penguins haven't moved to colder climates; the penguins in the colder climates have become bigger. So it should be:

"It is thought that the colder the climate, the bigger the penguin that lives there, for larger birds retains more heat."

Galapogos Islands --> Galapagos Islands

You see when a predator of the penguin -- add a comma after "you see".

it is confused by the penguins tummy and that of the reflective water surface -->
it cannot distinguish the penguin's white tummy from the reflective water surface

But they aren’t just black and white some penguins -- add semicolon after "white"

regarding camouflage. But they are also --> regarding camouflage, but they are also

"Their feathers and blubber enable buoyancy, penguins also have solid and heavy bones, which enable them to stay down underwater." -- I think this needs to be explained. Why do they need buoyancy, and also need heavy bones?

stream lined --> streamlined

they are nearsighted --> they are short-sighted

When eating its food in water, penguins --> When eating their food in water, penguins

take in sea water, to help them deal --> take in sea water. To help them deal

smiley - smiley G


A8587911 - The Penguin

Post 23

Opticalillusion- media mynx life would be boring without hiccups

A8587911 - updated

unsure why they need big bones they just have


A8587911 - The Penguin

Post 24

Gnomon - time to move on

You can't say that they have blubber which enables then to float, and big bones, which enable them to sink. There must be some other reason for them to have one of these, and they need the other to compensate.


A8587911 - The Penguin

Post 25

Opticalillusion- media mynx life would be boring without hiccups

I am assuming that it works in the way divers and their equipment work.

diver = buoyant
tank strapped to diver = keeps diver under water

penguin blubber = buoyant
penguin bones = act like divers tank

mind you i have never dived


A8587911 - The Penguin

Post 26

Gnomon - time to move on

In that case, what you should say is that penguins have blubber to keep them warm. This also makes them buoyant, but so buoyant that it makes it difficult for them to swim under water, so penguins have evolved heavy bones to cancel out the effect of the blubber and to allow them to swim underwater.


A8587911 - The Penguin

Post 27

Smij - Formerly Jimster

Are you coming back to this, Opti?


A8587911 - The Penguin

Post 28

Opticalillusion- media mynx life would be boring without hiccups

updated smiley - smiley

Unless there are further questions your honour as to improving the entry I believe it has been finished.


A8587911 - The Penguin

Post 29

Gnomon - time to move on

Ooh, I don't think so.


A8587911 - The Penguin

Post 30

Gnomon - time to move on

Sorry for that abrupt reply, Opti. But there are still a good few places where this needs work. Do I really have to write it for you, or will you read through it and see where it doesn't read well? In the update forum, there is no sub-editor, so you have to get it completely right yourself, including all the punctuation, spelling and grammar.

"Not only are penguins well adapted to life in the southern hemisphere regarding camouflage, but they are also well adapted to life there through their plumage1 and blubber" -- plumage normally means the colour of the feathers, so this seems to be thre wrong choice of word here. And "well adapted .. regard camouflage" just isn't good English.

"which provide both buoyancy aids when swimming and a way to keep themselves warm" -- not "themselves" but "them". The plumage and blubber do not keep themselves warm. They keep the penguins warm.

"To aid them in this swim" -- not good English

"they will try to catch other sealife forms to eat" -- forms of sea life

"Penguins also display strange characteristics when it comes to socialising such as stealing another mother’s chick by a mother who has lost their chick to a storm or something similar." -- rephrase

"Male penguins have been known to partner up with other male penguins and instead of putting an egg in the nest will put a pebble in it.

Like many other birds penguins migrate during the seasons even though they cannot fly. Sometimes male penguins find male partners." -- this is all over the place. Be structured!

"Others just for the season. " -- this is not a sentence

"are more detrimental, than just picking up a penguins eggs and having them for tea" -- I can see three different things wrong with that.

"although the oceans may not instantly kill the penguins off they will slowly and surely die due to it being polluted" -- what does "it" refer to?

"Furthermore, it is unknown the amount of fish stock that is being caught for consumption by humans, that would otherwise cause a penguin to have a bite to eat." -- rephrase

"And have also made an appearance on chocolate bars, adverts and films" -- not a sentence, and only repeating what you said before.

I'm sorry to be so negative, Opti, but I really think that you don't read what you have written. I thought at first that you were a speaker of another language and that English was your second language, so I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt, but I hear that you actually speak English, so you really should be able to do better. Just read what you have written and you will see what I mean.

smiley - smiley


A8587911 - The Penguin

Post 31

Galaxy Babe - eclectic editor

How's this coming along, Opti?


A8587911 - The Penguin

Post 32

Opticalillusion- media mynx life would be boring without hiccups

updated smiley - smiley


A8587911 - The Penguin

Post 33

Gnomon - time to move on

larger birds retains more heat --> larger birds retain more heat

Move footnote 1 to before the full stop at the end of the sentence.

A penguins plumage --> A penguin's plumage

To aid them in this swim --> To aid them in swimming

torpedo shaped bodies --> torpedo-shaped bodies

that constitute as a one way trap --> that constitute a one-way trap

some times it will take longer --> sometimes it will take longer

Penguins have also been known to communicate with one another displaying such characteristics as flipper waving -->
Penguins communicate with one another by flipper waving

some penguins will mate for life. Others just for the season -->
some penguins will mate for life, others just for the season

more detrimental, than those that are seen --> more detrimental than those that are seen

and add to their eventual death --> and contribute to their eventual death

leptonyx), -- add a space after the comma

The March of the Penguin --> The March of the Penguins

(up to 70 per sq. in.) --> (up to 70 feathers per sq. in.)

smiley - smiley


A8587911 - The Penguin

Post 34

Opticalillusion- media mynx life would be boring without hiccups

updated smiley - magic

Thanks Gnomon smiley - smiley


A8587911 - The Penguin

Post 35

Gnomon - time to move on

I can only see three glaring errors now.

picking up a penguins eggs --> picking up a penguin's eggs

"An example of an unseen threat to the human eye" -- rephrase this. It is not a threat to the human eye, it is a threat to penguins. It is invisible to the human eye.

Wallace and Grommit --> Wallace and Gromit

But even when you've corrected these, I'm still not very happy with the piece. It's just about acceptable, but I don't know whether the h2g2 Editors will agree - a lot of it still doesn't flow well. I'll leave it up to the Editor in charge of the Update Forum to decide whether this is suitable or not.

smiley - smiley G


A8587911 - The Penguin

Post 36

Opticalillusion- media mynx life would be boring without hiccups

A8587911 updated


A8587911 - The Penguin

Post 37

Opticalillusion- media mynx life would be boring without hiccups

what happens now?


A8587911 - The Penguin

Post 38

Gnomon - time to move on

If the editor in charge of the Update Forum thinks it is suitable, he/she will move it into the Edited Guide, replacing the existing entry. If not, he/she will let you know.

But the eds only wander through here every few weeks, so you might have to wait.


A8587911 - The Penguin

Post 39

Smij - Formerly Jimster

And today's Updated entry is... The Penguin!

Well done for sticking at this one, Opti. Good work!


Thread Moved

Post 40

h2g2 auto-messages

Editorial Note: This conversation has been moved from 'The Penguin' to 'Penguins'.


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