h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: The Penguin - A8587911
Author: Opticalillusion- apparently the best asset you have in life is yourself - U231227

Here is an updated version of this penguin entry.

A209134

This is a lot better than the original, Opti! Well done. There's a lot of tidying to do, though.

You've started a number of sentences with "While" but they're not complete sentences as a result. Can you have a careful look at each place you start a sentence with "While", read out the whole sentence and see does it stand on its own.

I agree, a vast improvement.

"Penguins (order Sphenisciformes, family Spheniscidae) have been around since the Eocene era (40,000 thousand years ago) and have been immortalised in various different products. For instance, they have made an appearance on chocolate bars, adverts and films Batman, Madagascar, Mary Poppins, Pingu, Wallace and Grommit and The March of the Penguin) to name but a few."

It seems weird to talk about the animal then the products and films, why don't you mention that at the end of the intro instead?

Also, you need a full stop after "male partners" and and apostrophe in "Whats on the menu?"

It looks ok to me

Although penguins are protected by law, this doesn't mean that they don't come into threats.
=
Although penguins are protected by law, this doesn't mean that they aren't under threat.

I agree about moving the biscuit & film references - this has nothing to do with the penguin itself and is just commercialism.

maybe i could do a seperate paragraph on penguins in the media with a header. or is this unnecessary?

That sounds good to me

Do updates have to go through PR? Or are they just swopped?

No, the italics take care of updates; they simply replace the old one. That's why this is a good forum to stay subscribed to!

Do they take into account what people have said here - even though Opti chooses to ignore the advice?

Welcome to Update Forum, Annie!



They are fairly neutral about it. Specifically in that if the preponderance of commentary by us is positive that "this update is a good thing" and there is an absolute absence of necessary editing, the new entry is considered an improvement and (usually Jimster) lodge(s) it in.



On the side of this, is that this forum is not often visited by them, so it gives us and the author a longer time to consider things. IMO this kind of inertia has gotten good results. Also true, if a number of us object to some particular thing, (and it takes less of us, because there aren't any Scouts to influence and there aren't so many of us here to start with) it may simply not be accepted unless it's fixed.



I have observed that this kind of treatment has caused us here to naturally behave in a more(Unitedstatian) Senatorial fashion than we do elsewhere.

We'll keep working on this, Annie, until it is ready.

Hi Opti!

My previous comment about "While" at the start of sentences still applies.

Please change the blockquote to the following:


P…P…P…Pick up a Penguin
- a well-known advertising slogan


Put italic tags and around the words Sphenisciformes, Spheniscidae and other scientific names.

I agree that you shouldn't launch into media references to penguins in the introductory paragraph. Instead you should give the most distinctive feature a of the penguin: a bird that doesn't fly but that is as happy in the water as a fish!

between 1.1 meters (3 ft 7 in) tall and 40 cm tall (16 in) -- this would be better rewritten as:

anything from 40 cm to 1.1m tall (16" to 3'7")

more warmer --> warmer

Penguins have also adapted to overheating by penguins in warmer regions having no feathers on their feet -->
Penguins have also adapted to overheating in warmer regions by having no feathers on their feet

updated

Just checking in for my (not at all regular) harvest of Updates. Let me know when you feel this is ready.

It still need some work. Sentence fragments starting with "While". Scientific names in normal text when they should be in italics. Missing spaces after commas, things like that.

There appears to be a bit missing towards the end. Also the subheader about 'A Penguin rolling down a hill' might look a bit odd in most browsers. I'd suggest giving the section a shorter header and using that text in a blockquote.

updated

I'm I'm no good with grammar

you've mentioned killer whales as a predator of penguins twice...orcas and killer whales are the same animal.

Hi Fruitylicious,

great entry, the original really needed an update!

I've found a few things that could be done before the entry goes edited, though:

* Aptenodytes forsteri -> should be in italics
* All the smart quotes (’) should be replaced by single quotes (')
* To keep up right -> To keep upright
* They have a good sense of hearing and their eyes (assumed to be nearsighted) are adapted for [...]; in air, conversely, they are nearsighted. -> delete the brackets - the nearsightedness is mentioned twice
* A penguins meal can weigh up to 30 pounds -> A penguin's meal can weigh up to 30 pounds
* At the end of the 'Threats' section there are some spaces before and after the links missing, and the latin name should be in italics
* For instance,Batman -> For instance, Batman (space missing)
* Last sentence -> Full stop missing, mentioning of films is somewhat superflouous as a number of films are mentioned just in the sentence before. I'd suggest 'And they have also made an appearance on chocolate bars, adverts and are widely known as mascots for the Linux operating system.' - sort of a rescue from the old entry.

Hope this list won't put you off. As I said, it's a great entry.

SchrEck Inc.

I also agree that this is a great entry. The content is basically ready. It just needs a few tweaks which can be done on a sentence by sentence basis.

There's quite a bit of tidying to do, and you will have to get it exactly right, since there will be no sub-editing done on this before it becomes the Edited Entry.

I'll try and give it a detailed going through later.

Hi Opti!

"Penguins are birds that don't fly but are just as happy as fish in water.

Penguins (order Sphenisciformes, family Spheniscidae) have been around since the Eocene era"

It is odd to have two separate sentences here, both starting with Penguins. I think it would be better combined together:

Penguins (order Sphenisciformes, family Spheniscidae</I&gt are birds that don't fly but are just as happy as fish in water. They have been around since the Eocene era

(40,000 thousand years ago) -- You can't say that in English. It should be (40 million years ago).

"With the largest being the Emperor Penguin (Aptenodytes forsteri) and the smallest penguin being the Little Blue Penguin (otherwise known as the Fairy Penguin)."

This is a not a proper sentence. You can't start have a sentence fragment starting with "With" like this. Please combine this with the previous sentence:

"in the wild, with the largest being the Emperor Penguin..."

Aptenodytes forsteri -- put this in italics

Generally speaking the penguin can be found to be anything from 40 cm to 1.1m tall -->
Generally speaking, penguins are anything from 40 cm to 1.1m tall

3'7")and -- insert space before and.

weigh between 35 kilograms (75 lb) and 1 kilogram (2.2 lb) -- since you've given the height with the smaller value first, you should do the same here:

weigh between 1kg (2.2 lb) and 35kg (75 lb)


OK. That's the first paragraph sorted. Let me know when you've got those done and I'll have a look at the rest.

G