h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

IN the true spirit of the thing, I present a sing a long, going through the songs in order... but we'll probably have to start a new thread for each song (if it gets that far)

And, lyrics can be found if need be.

PS> I take no responsibility for broken glass.

DAMMIT JANET
Say Janet,

...I really love the (pause) skilfull way...
No, no. FROM THE TOP!

Micheal Renee was ill
The day the earth stood still
But he told us where we stand
And flash Gordon was there
In...

silver [crotchless] underwear
Claude Rains was the Invisible Man
[Where? I don't see him!]
But then something went wrong
For Fay Wray and King Kong...

...they got caught in a celuloid jam
and at a deadly pace
it came from outerspace
and this is how the message ran...

[everybody]

Science Fiction (wha wha wha - ooooo)
Double Feature
Doctor X will
Build a creature
See androids Fighting (alternate lyrics omited)
Brad and Janet
Ann Francis stars in...

Forbidden Planet
Wah-oh-oh-ohhhh ohohohhhhhhhh
At the late night
Double feature
Picture show

I kew Leo G Carrol
Was over a barrel
When tarantual took to the hills


(I am SO sorry for forgetting this song)

And I got real HOT
When I saw Janet Scott
Fight a Triffid that shoots poison and kills

Dana Andrews said Prunes
gave him the runes(s**ts)
and passing (gas) them used lots of skills (x-lax pills)(sexual skills)(yeah skills!)
But when worlds collide (clap hands, They go BOOM!)
Said George Pal to his bride (like my ex-girlfriends thighs)
"I'm gonna give you some terrible thrills" (force feed you some birth control pills)
like a.....
(sex fiend)

Science fiction (oo-oo-oo)
Double feature
Dr. X (oo-oo-oo)
Will build a creature
See androids fighting (darn censorship)
Brad and Janet
Anne Francis stars in (Deep Throat, the sequel to)
Forbidden Planet

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh...
At the late night (early morning)
Double feature (Rocky Horror)
Picture show
I wanna go
Wo-oh-o-o-ohhhh
To the late night (early morning)
Double feature (f*** the teacher)
Picture show
By RKO
Wo-oh-o-o-ohhhh
At the late night
Double feature
Picture show
(Where's the best place to f***?)
In the back row
(F*** the back row!)
(F*** the front row!)
(We f*****d you first!)
(We f*****d you better!)
(And the middle row gets f*****d over!)
At the late night
Double feature
Picture show.....

(terribly sorry, I got carried away there)

NEVER TRUST A SINGING CROSS!!

Hadn't heard that one. Okay, who's gonna start the next one? I don't know all the words.

I think here will do just fine...

DAMMIT JANET

Say Janet

I really love the... skilfull way...

well, the first song really wasn't over, but that's ok. if we are going to start this one, the best place is at the beginging.

Janet, I've got something to say.(the say it, don't sing it @$$hole; this isn't a musical!)
I really loved the (sleazy, sexual, slimey, something with an s)
skillful way (gee, Brad. You're such a poet)
you beat the other girls(with whips and chains) to the brides boquet.(that too)
oh Brad! (take me now!)
The future is ours so let's plan it. (Janet)
So please don't tell me to can it. (Janet)
I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Janet I love you. (Bend over, **tch, I wanna screw)
(Look,the door has a heart-on)

The road was long but I ran it(backwards)(Janet)
there's a fire in my heart (pants) and you fan it (Janet)
If there's one fool for you then I am it. (Janet)
I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Janet I love you. (Bend over, **tch, I wanna screw)

Um...what else is there to the first song? Or was that tongue-in-cheek?

And is it time for the bridge? If so:

Here's the ring to prove that I'm no joker
And there's three ways that love can grow
That's good, bad, or mediocre [gay, straight or bisexual]
Oh, J-A-N-E-T, I love you so [I want your hole]

(how was your orgasm?)
Oh, it's nicer than Betty Monroe had (oh Brad)
(turn the flowers it's a funeral now!)
now we're engaged and I'm so glad,
that you met mom and you know dad (that you f***ed mom and you blow dad)
I've got one thing to say and that is, Brad, I'm mad for you too. (Brad I f***ed your sister, too)
oh, Brad......
(hey! watch the @$$hole shuffle while the slut struts.)
oh....damn it. (oh $h!t.)
I'm mad... (I'm pregnant)
oh....damn it. (oh $h!t.)
for you. (by Fu Man Chu)
I love you too. (I wanna screw-oo-ooo-oooo)

Or alternatively

(It's not yours)
(I wonder who-oo-oo-oo-oo...)

Errrrr, okay....

OVER AT ThE FRANKENSTEIN PLACE (There's a light; In the velvet darkness)

In the velvet darkness
Of the blackest night
Burning bright
There's a guiding star
No matter what
Or whooo youuuu arererereeeee

There's a light
(Over at the Frankenstein place)
There's a li-i-i-i-i-i-ight
(Burning in the fireplace)
There's a light
A light
In the darkness
Of everybody's life

[Sing to us, O hairless one!]

to take it back to the chorus for a minute...

There's a light
(Over at the Frankenstein place)
There's a li-i-i-i-i-i-ight
[Where's Barny/Celine Dion/The Hanson Record Collection etc...]
(Burning in the fireplace)
There's a light
A light
[Where's Ray Charles?]
In the darkness
Of everybody's life

The darkness must flow
Down teh river of night's dreaheming
Flow morphia slow
Let the sun
And light come streaming
Into my li-hiiife
Into my li-hiiife-hi-hife