h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

After a lunchtime drink, sometime in May, in year dot. I happened to find myself watching the Eurovision Song Contest. Shocked was not the word. So to stop me eating my own leg off at this painful experience, I came up with this game. Each year I invite a few friends around and we have a few drinks and fight over the scoring. (Sometimes preferable to listening to the songs)

Points are awarded out of 10 for each of the following categories.

Section 1 - Music

1. Repetitiveness
How many times did Italy get that chorus in? A blatant try to get through 3 min's with only a chorus!

2. Three Chord Song
Did it sound like Status Quo? For the more musical, naming chord progressions works in a negative way in this section.

3. Could Grandma sing it?
Quite explanatory. Can you still sing it after you've sat through 2 hours of even worse drivel?

4. I didn't see that coming!
Does the song go off on a tangent, starts off as a sweet love ballad and ending as a heavy metal classic? Also this applies to costume (2.1), who could forget Bucks Fizz!

5. La, La, La,
How many times are nonsense words used? Extra points for the words 'Bing' and 'Fa-la-la-la-La'

Section 2 - The Artist(s)

1. Costume
Are they dressed for the occasion? And dressed like that would they be welcome at a fancy dress party?

2. Vocal Range
Do they sound like they are trying to cover more octaves than are audible to the human ear? Bum notes should score highly. Did you dog/cat/goldfish like it?

3. Dancing
Fred and Ginger or Dread and Minger? Falling over scores double (haven't seen that as yet, but you never know, *fingers crossed*)

4. Cleavage/Lunchbox
Will Grandma and Granddad need to go to the kitchen to put the on?

5. Errors and Mishaps
Other than what has been covered above, anything goes, points have even been given in this category for poor camera work and Terry Wogans voice over!

So, that's about it, add up the points, they give you at least another song, montage of lovely scenery, or a Stomp! /River dance/Children singing their hearts out (they sure are going to be embarrassed by this when they grow up) to do this in. Then see how close your points system is to the outcome. Enjoy!

Oh I don't want to spoil it for you, but Greece and Cyprus always seem to give each other 12 points.