h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Driving in Chicago is like driving in a Drag Race. You must slam the gas immediately or risk being honked at. Conversely if you're behind someone who should be going when they are not, it is your known duty to lay on your horn for at least 5 seconds to gently remind the kind person in front of you to move their tail. Turn signals are only for use when no one is behind you.

You are quite right about turn signals.In fact,the old fad of using a turn signal died out years ago in our boisterous country.I mean, why the hell do I want the driver behind me to know what I'm thinking.That's an invasion of privacy and it was stopped years ago.I imagine there's a first amendment right to not use turn signals,anyway.But just to show you my true feelings in action,I use the turn signals all the time just to confuse fellow drivers.

I have been driving in the rain over the past few days and apparently Chicago loses it's collective ability to locate the actual road or any of the lines.

So drive where you want in this town! It hardly matters!

Only do it fast and without blinkers. Keep your middle finger handy for the cabs and never ever ever go down Belmont to get onto Lake Shore Drive for any reason whatsoever or you'll sit there for DAYS! And don't let any cabbies take you there either or they'll rack up some easy bucks.

Well, I live about an hour outside of Chicago, but in order to see any decent concerts I have to drive up there, and I would have to agree with the previous comments. It's probably best to start moving half a second before the light turns green, since that seems to be when the honking starts. The lack of signaling, well, I can't say I've noticed, but that may be because I've gotten numb to it, since no one anywhere ever signals. Probably the most interesting thing I've seen while driving in Chicago was when I had turned off of Lake Shore Drive onto Irving Park. After a block or two, there was a light, it was green, and the car in front of me wanted to turn left. Perfectly reasonable. He even signaled left. I was impressed. He then changed into the leftmost lane so as to make the turn go smoother for the people behind him. Mighty nice, I thought. The lane he changed into, however, was the oncoming lane. On a rather busy road, he drove for a block in the oncoming lane. Well, he didn't hit anyone (I can't remember exactly how he managed that) but it was interesting to see, nonetheless. I'm done now.

Several years ago I drove through Chicago and just before getting thoroughly lost on LSD I hit the loop.I was astounded and frightened by the complete lack of lane division lines.For a few minutes I was thinking I'd swerved into a racing arena without knowing it.Every man for himself!

That's how it is in this town. Of course, I thought it was scary until I went to London. Now I think that everyone is polite and reasonable.

My boyfriend is the Evil Kanival of the driving world. (yeah yeah, however you spell it)

At least in Chicago you have straight lines. London roundabouts have to be the most frightening invention ever.

The most frightening drive I ever had was in Paris.The Champs Elysees circle was madcap and merry mayhem with vehicles that would drive an American Insurance salesman into a panic to insure.

They sure can get all slathery and excited, can't they?

I drive quite a bit, in cities from New York to Chicago to Atlanta. If you want to go fast, Chicago and Detroit are the places to go. New York is not as bad as you would think. You just have to be a bit assertive. If your'e not in a hurry to go anywhere and feel that no one else should be either, I suggest a visit to Ohio or Indiana.

Drive fast in Chicago? I wish you would tell that to the left lane bandits on I-57 who are no more aware of their rear view mirrors than they are of "passing lane". If random chance reveals your flashing headlights behind them (a practice I learned in England), your request is treated as an insult and territorial threat. When they do change lanes, its accomplished through an imperceptable shift of the steering wheel such that the lane shift takes 4 miles, but usually more than four minutes.



Of course, left lane bandits can always excuse their behaviour because in Chicago we have left lane exits..... a design innovation representative of all that is notable in the Illinois Department of Transportation.... or IDOT. This is the only governmental acronym that doubles as job description. After all, if you can correctly spell Idiot, you're too smart to work there.







And don't get me started on the Hillside strangler.....

There was a time not too long ago that flashing your lights at someone might have the adverse effect of getting you shot. Neighborhoods differ but I don't do that around here.
My favorite Chicago driving rule is "no cop, no stop." Which neighborhoods to do this in is usually guaged on local knowledge and not during rush hours. O.K., mainly in the middle of the night with some precautionary measures.

I lived outside of Chicago for a year, and after only a couple of jaunts on the freeway, I decided I'd best take the train. And when a veteran of the Southern California blacktop jungle can't handle it, you know there's problems. I have to know the name of the idiot who designed that freeway system. Must every lane be an exit lane?

*laughing*

Apparently, yes.

you did!

Another aspect that I think worthy of note is winter driving in Chicago or more apposite, the aftermath of winter and the public #1 menace. Snow ploughs!

They're like vultures, stalking the streets just waiting to prey on the innocent and hell bent determined to cast further terror onto Chicago’s streets and highways. I don't actually live in Chicago but visit my friends enough times to see this annual ritualized chaos.

Be warned: Once you're entrapped by the snow plough there's no easy way out. What's amazing weeks after the storm, cars are still completely snow bound. I imagine they must belong to some elderly couple who's husband busily having a coronary trying daily to dig his vehicle out! Therefore I say to either any hibernating animals or public felons "Come to Chicago and get yourself buried by a snow plough!" Nobody will ever find/disturb you again for at least six weeks!

Snow mounds frankly taller than some European mountain ranges built up next to stanchions of the "El" (that's the local phrase for the elevated subway for those unacquainted with the "rustic" Chicago public transport system), which must take typically longer than six months to finally melt and that's if Chicago are experiencing a heat wave. I swear that ice climbers over the country must flock to tackle some of the bigger mounds created.

And Grand Canyon sized pot holes in the road caused by the very same plough sheathed monsters which either induce the drivers to swerve madly over the road to avoid them or head out to nearest car dealer to buy the next biggest 4x4 to ride over them. This also appropriately explains the interesting phenomenon typically seen in the car park at every Chicago Bulls home game at the United Center, where vehicles bigger than Volgon class type spaceships occupy spaces originally reserved for coaches! Also, has anyone ever seen a Geo Metro driving around Chicago? The last one I saw being driven by some inattentive driver got swallowed up by a standard pot pole!