h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Good eye, Peet. I'm purposefully trying to hurry most of these things along for reasons that I've already stated in other parts of h2g2.


Well, YK, our mission is very simple. With little Minos here, we can easily create a temporal gambling chip with The Krylma Leader.

*Careful not to reveal to little Minos who the future leader of the Krylma is going to be*

KL won't dare hurt this direct link to his past, even with the continuity gun. A timeline's still a timeline. Then, once we get him to surrender the Continuity Gun, we'll just send this tyke back in time, and erase everyone's memory. Or, we'll take a shortcut, and use the Continuity Gun itself to prevent Tonks falling for KL's trick, thus preventing this whole mess from occuring. And I've got one last trick up my sleeve to ensure that KL won't stop us even now.

*The band begins heading for the city, with the Hydra watching, hungrily*

[YK] I don't like the Force aura of that hydra...

Of course not. Hydras are evil monsters who would really enjoy to rip you to shreds.

Of course, I remember one creature that was practically a hydra, but didn't want to kill me.

"You're the adventurer, we're your standard two-headed guarding of Hades-type creature. You want in, and we've gotta kill ya. There's a little banter, a little slaying, chop chop chop, yadda yadda yadda, and then we've gotta spread your entrails all around the place and make a big mess! Do us both a favor: beat it, before we change our minds."

Still, I don't recommend getting into trouble with this one. The children of Echidna should never be senselessly mingled with.

[YK] Right. Let's just get back home.

*GL keeps glancing back.*

I'm a little worried about that bundle ...

[Mackenzie] Should I send it to the X-Zone?

[YK] Got an Inviz Spell handy?

[Mackenzie] No.

[YK] Then if you /do/ use X-Zone, GOOD LUCK!


X-Zone is one of Mackenzie's spells; it doesn't work very often unless the target is invisible.

The bundle's not that significant, GL. It's just an intelligent lizard I saved from being eaten in prehistoric times... (although, since I'm able to tell you about them, technically they're no longer prehistoric.)

It was by far the most interesting thing I found there, but its species was about to die out because its short legs meant it couldn't outrun even small predators. This one was the last of its line.

Normally he's completely peacable; he's just a little miffed at being carried around in a bag made out of my old underwear. Can anyone blame him?

Anyhow, he's beaten me at chess consistently ever since I explained the rules, and I refuse to leave him behind until *I* win a match!

[YK] Then go get it.

* Peet chases the bundle for a few seconds, then scoops it up.

See, I told you he was easy to catc...OWWWWW! Stop that!

[YK] .....

*The group heads back into the city, and stop. A strange rumbling roaring sound can be heard in the distance, and it's unsettling everyone*

[Mackenzie] I do NOT like the sound of that.

[YK] Me neither.

Well, it ain't Vesuvius - that doesn't errupt for another 46 years. And besides, it isn't even in this country.

*Looks around nervously*

Probably just a routine earthquake, or something.

[YK and Mackenzie shrug]

*Right before the adventurers get to the city, the cause of the rumbling can be seen rapidly approaching them: several miniature versions of Cerberus appear to be bearing down on them*

Looks like Echidna's put us on her enemies list, guys.

[YK draws and arms his lightsaber. Mackenzie gets a fireball, a thunderbolt, and an ice beam ready.]

*GL fumbles in his backpack and comes out with a keilbasa sausage. He quickly begins cutting off pieces and throwing them off to one side. The left head on the leading cerebus catches the scent and starts pulling that way. The other two heads are still intent on the group of heroes and they pull back. The body starts running in a zigzag course first towards the heroes, then towards the meat, etc. Finally, the left head gives a mighty pull at the same time as the other two heads give mighty pulls and the body splits down the centre. Momentum carries the two halves for a few steps before they fall over.*

One down!

Just eleven more to go,....Nitfol!

*Affy listens as the incoherent growls, barks, and snarls become replaced by actual words. Affy starts to shout to them, asking questions about their mission, and answering a few. Suddenly, the monsters begin running towards them even faster*

Ah! GL! I brought up the puzzle from Zork II!

*Affy draws his sword, which is glowing a fierce blue*

[YK rushes forward and slices one of them in half. Mackenzie blasts another one with her tri-elemental attack.]

[YK] Two down!

*Affy tosses a shazok spell at one, and it crumbles away*

That's four down, eight to go....