h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Erm, actually, the second equation is a mathematical theorem that is, quite honestly, correct. It has been proven time and time again, and is generally completed with the phrase QED. Only the first scroll has any kind of flaw in it, and that's only from a real world point of view.


*The Council Head walks into the hut where Garius is currently being held*

Now then, you seem to have created a bit of a disturbance here. You've seen the hydras, so you know that we're not just a small tribe of religious zealots. You're dressed as a soldier that shouldn't even technically be in this area. You're skin pigmentation is somewhat unusual for these parts. I've not heard you yet, but I'd be willing to bet that your speech has a slight accent to it.

Now, here's where my trouble comes: I don't think you mean us any harm, so I can't really throw you in a prison cell. I also don't think that I can trust you to go home and not tell your friends and relatives about this. Even if you intended to practice complete secrecy, something could easily slip. So, I can't keep you here, and I can't allow you to leave. There is, of course, the third option,....

*The Council Head whips out a dagger and places it at Garius' neck in less time than it takes to blink an eye*

....but that goes against everything we stand for here. We can't just go about murdering our problems. Then, we could always banish you or maroon you somewhere, but that also gives us problems. Anywhere on Earth that we put you could be a problem. Eventually, some future explorer could find your remains, along with a message left by you detailing who we are. And then, we could maroon you outside of Earth, on another world,....but for such a stoic character as yourself, that could easily be a fate worse than death, to never be surrounded by familiar faces and possibly hostile life forms.

So there you have it. I can't set you free, can't hold you prisoner, can't murder you, and can't maroon you. Now, my friend, do you have a solution that I could use? That would certainly help me a great deal.

*Meanwhile, little Minos heads to the pond, to see if he can catch any fish for dinner*

[Mackenzie] [telepathically to GL] }Let future happen. Let future happen.{

[YK silently keeps track of young KL's position]

*Affy peers through the window, wondering what would cause a suitable distraction that would allow GL to escape. He suddenly comes upon it*

YK. Go kidnap Little Leatherhead. And make sure that you are witnessed. Go back to the hill where we first arrived at. Above all, do not get caught. See how close you can come to it without actually ruining history any more than we're already running the risk of doing.

[YK] {Got it. I'll use the Jedi Speed Trick I used/will use in the OmegaMatic bit.}

[YK does so, turns of the invisibility, grabs Little Leatherhead, and sets off at tops speed, yelling.]

[YK] YAAARG! OOOOOOOEEEEEEEE! ZOOTLEWURDLEZOOTLEWURDLEZOOTLEWURDLEZOOTLEWURDLE! PAARP PAARP PAARP PAARP!

*There is an immediate uproar in the village. Someone yells: "He has Minos!". At the sound of that, the Krylma Council Head immediately forgets about GL and runs out of the hut, leaving the door open. GL runs to the door and looks both ways. To the left lies the centre of the village and the central fire pit. To the right lies the open area leading to the original hill. The open area is filled with running Krylma, leaving GL little choice as to direction. He turns left, skirts the fire pit and arrives at a large hut. He peeks inside and finds it empty. He enters and looks around for a suitable hiding place. In one corner of the hut is a large chest. He opens the chest, takes out the blankets that were inside and climbs in. He closes the lid, but puts a stick in the gap so that the lid remains open a crack. He settles down to wait for darkness, when he hopes to escape the village.*

*Minos finally gets a grip on himself, and examines his captor. This person has very odd looking facial features*

KL-Are you an Atlantean? We don't mean you harm, you know.

*Meanwhile, Affy notes the hut that GL went to hide in. Affy wonders why GL doesn't just plan to make a break for it, but otherwise just shrugs. Affy zips up a tree, and waits for a time when he can easily rejoin GL without being spotted*

*The Professor in the mean time just stands at the edge of the village looking on at the commotion, completely undetectable by present Krylma technology. That includes touch - he can be walked through.*
*He has since removed the PAG (??) from his mouth, but doesn't find the need to do anything else.*

PAG, my dear professor, stands for Prolonged Absence Gum. It came about in the original Mission to Zork thread: someone who was having a severe case of IRL and knew they would beforehand put PAG in their mouth: it was assumed that they're here, but they didn't actually post.


[YK] [still at top speed] Not Atlantean. Sorry! I'm not allowed to divulge anything about myself! That may change the course of history! [realizes that he just revealed something about himself] D'OH! Er, I need to make myself disappear.

[YK increases speed, trips, and goes flying. He continues for 15 seconds, his vertical distance from the ground decreasing.]

[YK] Oh Belgium. [CRASH]

[YK rolls along for another ten seconds, before collapsing in a heap]

[YK] ... owie ...

Ah-hah! I did wonder.


*The Professor makes a molecular model of the PAG, and saves it for later, 'cos he'll probably need it in another coupole of days.*
*Wonders just what to do with the little Minos as he rolls out of YK's arms, yet not getting up just yet.*

[YK casts a quick healing spell on himself, gets up, speeds up, picks Minos up, and continues running away from the angry crowd.]

[YK] Wait! I can use my Level-1 summon ...

[[Ruby Light]]

[YK] Huh??

[Carbuncle appears out of a hole in the ground and creates a Reflect shield on both YK and Minos]

[YK] D'OH! Er, this one!

[[Kick]]

[A Chocobo jumps out of the sky.]

[YK] Hold it.

[YK jumps on the chocobo's back, uses the Jedi speed trick on it, and they move very fast.]

*Minos, in a desperate attempt for freedom, bites YK's arm. Hard*

[YK gives Minos a Vulcan nerve pinch.]

[...and Minos promptly falls unconscious, but not off the chocobo]

*The Conciousness Electrode in Minos' head goes off, and Minos wakes up again, along with a slight yelp of pain*

That was a mistake, sir.

*Minos both of YK's hands and begins clenching them together with strength not unlike that of a trash compactor*

[YK] D'HAAAAA!

[YK uses the Force to remove Minos from him, and then holds him just beyond arm's length, hovering in midair.]

[Chocobo] [it has a nice, cultured voice, with an English accent] Excuse me, sir, but this wasn't on my contract.

[YK] Oh bloody blue blazes. Fine. Disappear.

[The chocobo disappears. YK crashes into a tree.]

*Affy looks through the branches of the trees, and sees YK making it out of the village. He also sees what appears to be a hovering Minos*

Oh, well, that won't attract attention later on....

*GL, inside the trunk, thinks that his friends are probably wondering why he didn't just make a break for it. He would have, if the direction that he needed to go wasn't filled with angry Krylma chasing YK. He couldn't stay in the prison hut, so he opted to hide in another hut, wait for the hullaballoo to die down, then escape at night. GL settles down to wait, figuring that he will explain all of that to his friends later, if he remembers. The trunk is actually quite comfortable, and presently GL falls asleep.

Some time later, GL is awoken by the sound of voices in the hut. Peering through the crack between the lid and the trunk, GL can see a group of older Krylma sitting in a circle. They are listening to the one who has his back to GL and who's voice GL recognises as belonging to the Counsel Head. GL strains to hear.*

... and they were using technology that I haven't seen before.

*The Professor materialises some PAG for himself, and stuffs it in his mouth, making sure that his technology wasn't (isn't going to be) the type they (will) witness.*

[Meanwhile, YK wakes up at night. Young Minos is nowhere to be seen.]

[YK] Oh, GREAT!

[He turns around and sees a Time Gate]

[YK] Oh, GREAT!

[He steps through.]


A huge, tunnely warp vortex thingy. With a warp/vortex-sounding background noise.


[He finds himself in what appears to be back to now, in a ruined part of a city, at night.]

[YK] Better find Minos...

[He walks past a building and discovers that the ruined part of the city appears to be the only thing left of the planet.]

[YK] Oh, GREAT!