h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Recently I went shopping for some new gowns and was most horrified to discover that I could get not a single bolt Tashkent silk or even penitent horsehair for lenten,only this polyester woven into long leg coverings .When I questioned the merchant he accused me of being 'a bit last century'. If only it were true. I am a whole millenium behind in the fashions, in 621ad a lady would not have put anything so coarse against her fair body.When i said this the merchant advised me to go 'commando,then' which provoked laughter from the gathering crowd of peasants . The 21st century is an uncouth place.