I... am in high school. It's about this time after I make that statement that you're supposed to fall down in tears and weep for me.

That's what I do every time I think about it. After being in school for a good 12 years, I'm convinced I've taken what my teachers have attempted to... well... teach me, and skewed it slightly. What I'm being taught in high school isn't necessarily what I'm going to remember. Allow me to explain what I mean:

Chemistry

In ten years, what am I going to remember from taking Chemistry? Am I going to remember that pressure x volume = number of moles x gas constant x temperature in Kelvin? NO! Am I going to remember that the molar mass of Chloride is 35.5? NO! But I WILL remember this:

• 6m\8=G
  m = the grade I think I got, and G = the grade I ACTUALLY got. Do the math.
• Your teacher's level of normality and his/her chances of actually being SATAN himself are directly proportional. Ie the more normal your Chem teacher is, the more likely it is they're LUCIFER!)
• Lab Tip: Mixing your lab partner with hydrochloric acid (whether accidentally or on purpose) does not result in a homogeneous mixture. It does, however, result in a lawsuit.

History

As much as I hate to admit it, History is a very informative class. It's informed me as to how STUPID humans have been over the last... oh, I don't know... FOUR HUNDRED YEARS. (I'm speaking of course of white male humans in particular... but no offence to them.) So what did I take away from history class?

• Adolf Hitler was a power-crazed tyrannical fascist with a bad Oedipus complex... and I don't like him very much.
• Winston Churchill was a splendid ol' fellow and I appreciate his persistence in WWII.
  Nice guy, that Churchie.
• Joseph Stalin had some serious need for therapy as a child... a hug would have done him nicely.
• The Spanish American Was was the most USELESS war the US has EVER
  been involved in. And the tabloids didn't help much.
• Trying to make a law that outlaws wars is extremely pointless. How exactly are you going to enforce this law, give them a stern talking-to? I don't think so. That's about as intelligent as making a law outlawing the making of laws.

Trigonometry

• NOTHING. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Never again will I have to use the Pythagorean's sine cosine postulate theorem rule for angle side isosceles triangles in a matrix EVER. NEVER EVER. (In case you didn't catch on, I'm harbouring some animosity for my Trig class. But that's a personal issue and I needn't get you all involved.)

Band

• Well... um... band taught me how to play an instrument. Um... that's really the extent of that one. *shrug* Oh, yeah... it also taught me to NEVER walk around barefoot in the trumpet section (they're not too courteous as to where they empty their spit valves).

College-Prep English 11

• When using parenthetical documentation the period MUST go after the parenthesis or the very foundations of earth will crack open and the fires of hell will engulf all of humanity into an eternity of torturous damnation.
• Using; semicolons and; colons: in your writing; is really fun:.

If I had my way, my classes wouldn't involve such tedious and monotonous subjects. I'd take classes like: sleeping 101! Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich making for beginners! Advanced breathing! Now THOSE are what I call classes! But alas, I must endure the pangs
of high school for a mere one more year. I can do it... I know I can...(oh, but if I don't make it? I officially will my h2g2 personal site to Chauncey. Now you'll all have to pardon me, I've got some stoichiometry homework due by 3rd period tomorrow.

Your Little h2g2'er,

Darth Zaphod

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