Hairy Backs
Created | Updated Mar 21, 2002
There is a dearth of information available on the subject of hairy backs. Perhaps it is mankind's evolutionary inclination to forget our hirstute ancestors in a subconscious effort to become even less furry than we already are. It has also been suggsted that the fields of static electricity created by well-insulated anteriors (ofen in combination with wool sweaters) actually erase portions of the short-term memory. Never the less, the void of data remains.
Individuals with hairy backs are likely to have been called, at one time or another, "weird", "funny lookin'", "freak", and the like. They have no doubt heard catcalls such as "Nice sweater!", "Are you taking a hair growth tonic?", or "Look at the Yeti!". And, at some point, it has been quietly suggested to every hairy-backed individual that they stop wearing tanktops. As a result, the hirstute population suffers from an insecurity complex caused by an obvious public disdain for their condition coupled with a "love yourself" attitude championed by the media. Many people, already blessed with the gift of extraordinary protein production, grow out their beards and hair in order to mask the pained expressions they have permanently adopted. Conversely, there is a small portion of the populace that suffers from a "hairier-than-thou" complex, causing extreme aggression and fits of violence with electric razors. These people are mostly French.
Individuals with hairy backs are likely to have been called, at one time or another, "weird", "funny lookin'", "freak", and the like. They have no doubt heard catcalls such as "Nice sweater!", "Are you taking a hair growth tonic?", or "Look at the Yeti!". And, at some point, it has been quietly suggested to every hairy-backed individual that they stop wearing tanktops. As a result, the hirstute population suffers from an insecurity complex caused by an obvious public disdain for their condition coupled with a "love yourself" attitude championed by the media. Many people, already blessed with the gift of extraordinary protein production, grow out their beards and hair in order to mask the pained expressions they have permanently adopted. Conversely, there is a small portion of the populace that suffers from a "hairier-than-thou" complex, causing extreme aggression and fits of violence with electric razors. These people are mostly French.
