Though some of us are lucky enough to enjoy our jobs, it's a sad fact of life that for the rest of us, work is just one of those chores we have to do. Monday mornings, working late, the stress of deadlines and all that commuting backwards and forwards. So the last thing you need at work is to have to put up with someone consciously making the whole thing even worse.

Harassment at work is now recognised as one of the major contributing factors to unnecessary stress. It often leads to depression for the victim and lower productivity for the company which then leads to further harassment in a vicious, seemingly never-ending cycle. At school you can always tell the teacher, year head or headmaster, but what do you do at work if the harassment is actually coming from the boss? And even more difficult perhaps, what do you do if you're the boss and the harassment is coming from an employee? It works both ways.

We asked for your suggestions and practical advice on how to cope with bullying in the workplace. And here's what you had to say.

A Bully for a Boss

Having a bully for a boss can make an eight-hour day seem like an eternity. A boss who is harassing you can exhibit some or all of the following behaviours:

• Criticises your work only when others are present.

• Calls employees rude or insulting names (often in the presence of others).

• Deflects blame for failed projects/ideas onto others at all times.

• Takes credit for successful projects/ideas and fails to recognise the team's effort.

So what do you do about it? You have two choices really - learn to live with it or find a new job. When we say find a new job, that doesn't necessarily mean leave the company - a simple transfer away from the bully is often enough. And it sends a pretty clear signal to management when everyone keeps requesting transfers out of the boss's division.

Alternately, you can learn to deal with the manager's bad behaviour.

Don't allow his¹ tirades against you to touch your own sense of self-esteem. Recognise how small and ridiculous he looks when he's berating you in front of your co-workers and also remember that it has probably happened to them all and they know that you don't deserve this treatment.

Another effective approach is to fight back. When he starts to shout, shout back. Don't let him treat you this way. And when you're ahead in the argument, simply walk away. If there's one thing a bully can't stand it's a two-way confrontation. This type of boss doesn't confront you in the privacy of his office because he is afraid of dealing with people on a one-on-one basis; having an audience makes him feel important (that he's the boss). Standing up for yourself generally prevents further confrontations because he won't want to risk losing the confrontation.

When he takes credit for your idea, let him - unless there's some financial reward or promotion in it for you. Don't allow yourself to associate your personal well-being with your success/failure at work. Does it really matter in the grand scheme of life, the universe and everything if it was your idea to save the company $1500 a year by using cheaper pencils? Besides, all your co-workers have experienced this one as well and will recognise this behaviour for what it is.

Having a boss who is a bully doesn't need to be the end of the world. It might not be the most enjoyable work environment, but work isn't a four-letter word by coincidence.

A non-bully boss replies...

I had an old fellow on my team, a few months from retirement. He was on the fork lift one day and broke a bag of dry chemical he was lifting, and the bright blue spill spread over some of the yard. Of course, Work Place Safety picked us up for it the next morning. I was furious, first that the bag had been pierced and the stuff spilled, and secondly, that I'd been blind-sided by the reprimand. I hauled him into my office, closed the door and quietly chewed him up. The rest of the team was shocked - they were used to a loud screaming match right out on the warehouse floor. I just can't be like that. They did hear about it though. I told them once more - if something happens - tell me. I hate being blind-sided, and our team solves its own problems.

A Bullying Employee

People tend to forget - it's not always the boss who is the bully - there are plenty of examples where employees bully or harass their boss.

This can be equally difficult for the conscientious boss - the obvious answer may be for the boss to fire the employee, but often this is not possible without breaking the law - the very thing bullying employees trade on. Certainly in the UK the law offers much more protection to the employee than to the boss - it's relatively easy for the employee to try to smear the boss's reputation and to cause a lot of disruption with false allegations.

Some employees may decide that valid criticisms of their work or behaviour is bullying, because they find it difficult to accept criticism, or responsibility, for their own actions. It's sometimes a lot easier to blame the boss, than accept that the fault lies within.

There are employees who use the good nature and fairness of their bosses to try to take advantage. Rather than address their own issues, they may find it easier to try to blame someone else, and try to deflect the blame for their own inabilities or insecurities onto their boss.

If you're a boss, you may find that an employee tries to encourage other workers to gang up against you; everyone hates the boss right? If you can, report this kind of behaviour to a superior at the earliest possible date - if you try to resolve it yourself it may just make the situation worse, get others involved.

Best advice? For the boss - keep doing the right things and don't let the individual know they are getting to you. If someone does not know what winds you up their attempts will back-fire and they will end up more wound up than ever. If an employee is making accusations against you, let someone know and ask for their perspective and arrange to meet the employee in the presence of someone else to discuss the situation. Do not meet with unhappy employees on your own, it can give them the opportunity to make up all sorts of claims about your behaviour, and as a boss, they may be harder for you to disprove or refute. Keep notes on conversations with any employees who are claiming to be dissatisfied in any way, as well as copies of all emails and work requests - then you will be able to recall what was said and asked if this later becomes an accusation against you.

In the course of a manager's career it is highly likely that they will come across some sort of bullying from an employee - learn from it - don't let disgruntled workers put you in this situation in the future.

For the employee - acting this way can easily lead to being seen as a 'problem employee' and as such can severely limit your career and the chances of finding another role. If you were to channel your energy into doing a good job instead, you would probably end up doing a great job and get the recognition for having done so.

There is no real excuse for bullying in the workplace either by the boss or by the employee. It is possible for either to be at fault and it's important that if you are being bullied there is someone you can talk to - don't feel it's something you have to face on your own. Others around the bully probably know the person is a bully too - they may just be waiting for someone to give them the information to let them have the conversation with the bully.

Stating the Obvious

There are some things that, although obvious, should be stated here. Especially when we are stressed we tend to forget them.

• Always be professional. There is rarely need for you to let yourself down to the level of your harasser. Always try to make your words and actions above reproach.

• Hold your ground wherever possible, and without emotion, if you can.

• Use your union or professional organisation. That's what they are there for. Avoid one-on-one encounters, whether you are a boss or an employee. If you are a boss, an employee with a personal grudge can make all sorts of claims against you if you meet them alone, so insist that they bring a reliable co-worker, or representative along with them if you need to discuss work issues with them, or bring someone along of your own as a witness. You are both entitled to representation, or at very least a witness, and advice. This does not diminish or compromise you. It's professional.

• Cover your actions with paper. Document encounters and responses. (The pen really is mightier, if you use it.)

• Remember that beyond whatever limited rights you have as an employee, you have rights as a citizen. They are not negotiable. Your legal rights are guaranteed; and bullies, harassers, and organisations are usually cowed by any formal reference to them.

This is not a sermon, but a meditation - be happy in your work.

One Researcher Helps Another

Sometimes we need empirical experience to help us see how all this great advice can be applied in the workplace. The following is one Researcher's rather unsettling experience:

I work as a counterperson in a small business (newsagent), and find that everyone I work with is fine, except for this one guy. He is in his 50s (or so), and somewhat fanatically Christian.

Said colleague will corner any female (worker or customer), blocking their path, and start talking. And not stop. Ever. This can be circumvented only by, upon spotting him, moving quickly in the opposite direction. And not speaking to him. At all. 'Hello' is an invitation. This man hangs around (he delivers papers in the morning) afterwards behind the front counter. He is not being paid and is not supposed to be anywhere near the counter. Ask him rudely what he is doing, he will inform you that he is 'protecting' you; as a female behind the counter with no one else in the store is an invitation to robbery. With him there it will not happen. The man stays and any time a female approaches the counter who is not wearing some kind of zipped-up coat he stares directly at their boobs, pushes in front of you and tries to serve them. Then he proceeds to make vulgar comments about their bodies the second they have left the store.

He will then bring out the porn. He will undo the wrapping, start showing the counterperson the pictures and read the articles out loud to her. He will tell you first how beautiful his wife is, and how he could never even consider looking at another woman, then proceed to go through the porn and describe everything to you.

The thing that really bothers me about this situation though is that the bosses do nothing about it. Any female worker is harassed by him, he is awful, bitched about by everyone, (including bosses), but nothing is done. They never tell him his behaviour is inappropriate.

This is obviously a very delicate situation - and one Researcher has provided some generous, passionate yet practical advice on how to deal with such treatment.

Have you thought of calling a meeting with your other workers to discuss measures to rid yourselves of this twerp? I wonder why, if he is not being paid, he is allowed to remain in the shop upsetting people?

Most importantly, I would not give him the satisfaction of being upset with him. Remember, you are right, he is wrong. That is all you have to state to him, slowly and clearly, over and over again - 50 times a day if necessary. 'Do not speak to me, you are being offensive', 'Do not speak to me, you are being sexist' and so on. Loudly and clearly, preferably in company, as often as possible. If he touched me, I personally would scream like a banshee and call the police. Don't worry about creating a scene in such an instance - he caused that, you are simply protecting yourself.

Another person can only make you a victim if you let them (of course I only speak of adults and do not speak of actual physical assault here), but if you choose to treat him with the contempt he deserves, and your co-workers do so too, he will be relegated to the status he deserves.

There must be work relations guidelines for this sort of thing. Have you asked the opinion of a lawyer? Even the Citizens Advice Bureau might be able to help. You all have to stop letting this man rule your working lives. Get him in perspective. He is simply one small, smelly, misogynistic prat. Get rid of him or force him to change his ways.