h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Find of the Day. First, a quiz:

- Did you enjoy reading 'Struwelpeter'? Then you're completely barmy. Did you get a chuckle out of 'Max und Moritz'? Okay, then you probably know what a German primer looks like. The German word for primer is 'Fibel'.
- Do you have the slightest curiosity about World War II? I mean, would you watch that war picture if it didn't have Tom Cruise in it?
- Have you always wondered if those guys weren't, in their heart of hearts, a bit more like silly, scared kids than they made out?

Then you're going to love this discovery from the Internet Archive. The person who posted it, bless their heart, didn't know what it was, and commented that it was 'bizarre'. A more experienced reader explained.

It's called 'Horrido: The Fighter Pilot's Primer', and the illustrations alone are worth the read.

http://archive.org/stream/Horrido-DesJaegersSchiessfibel/OberkommandoDerLuftwaffe-Horrido-DesJaegersSchiessfibel194436S.Scan#page/n0/mode/1up

This helpful publication was authorised by General Adolf Galland, fighter pilot extraordinaire. He knew what he was talking about: he had one functional eye (memorised eye chart), and smoked cigars while flying. Had a sense of humour, too. And no, he didn't bomb your chippy, because he was a FIGHTER pilot. He may have shot down Uncle Reginald, though.

'Horrido' teaches fighter pilots how to survive and shoot down B-17s. It does this in children's book form, with handy, easy-to-memorise rhymes so beloved of Germans:

'Das Fluchen macht der Kopf nur heiss,
Bist du am Feind - so kalt wie Eis.'

Translation:
'Cussing just makes your head get hot,
If you're pursuing the enemy - be cold as ice.'

Come to think of it, some of this advice will work in peacetime. And even if you're not in an ME 109 or FW 190. Although you probably don't need the handy chart that tells you which armour-piercing ammo to use on a four-motor enemy bomber plane.

The book warns you NOT to take this book with you into combat. No sense in making MI5 any wiser - there are also charts of the firing panels for Messerschmidts and Focke-Wolfs. Come to think of it, no sense in making them laugh, either - although come to think of it further, did anybody in MI5 ever laugh? Oh, well...

'Horrido' has two good points besides the rhyming:

1. It addresses the pilot as 'Du' throughout. This familiar pronoun dispells the notion that all Germans are stuffy. The Luftwaffe were obviously a friendly, childlike lot.
2. It contains many interesting cartoons. Most of them have nude, semi-nude, or otherwise provocative-looking Maedels (women) in them. This is a very good way to make sure fighter pilots pay attention. Good educational psychology, there.

A note for the non-German speakers: If you find a couplet next to a particularly intriguing picture, just ask any one of our bilingual h2g2ers to help you. When Mala and KB get back from eating yet another piece of Linsertorte, I'm sure they'll be glad to oblige.

Oh, and the title? 'Horrido' is sort of like 'Tally Ho!' It's a hunting cry.

It's Rodney and Reggie

Yep.

I'll be having a better read at a later time

I gave that a quick look-over ... am I wrong or is it completely insane?

Well, it's kind of snarky. (And, well, sexist...)

The target group is a bunch of kids in their early twenties with a surplus of testosterone. Your aim is to send them into fight with little concern for their lives and limbs, hoping they will come back with minimal loss of aircrafts, ammo and gasoline - and preferably unhurt, so you can send them up again.

Yes, quite insane. But as logic as all human conflict...

Wow. I can't believe I've reached my 30s without ever realising that shooting down planes is all about getting women to undress.

See, KB, what you have missed...