h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It's good for the news reporters.

Didn't some English news reporter get shot in the Bosnian War a few years back, war wasn't very good for him! (assuming he didn't write a book about his experiences after becoming famous by being shot that is).

I think they should send all of the nasty reporters out to war. Maybe the snipers will get lucky again

How about if no-one was nasty and there was no war, I think that I might prefer that.

Ahh, the ideal world, maybe one day. After a few years though it might get a little boring for some people.

Then they should be made to fight to the death in gladiatorial combat, while the nice people pretend not to enjoy themselves.

And those people would consider themselves Sophisticated, by some sick twisting of logic, and elect their Sophisticated Council. And that Council would pass decrees on who isn't Sophisticated and set them to menial tasks, or train them as pets to fight in the pits. I'm sure I could write a screenplay about this, but I think it's already been done.

Is that the one where we all end up working for apes?

I think it was some othe post-apocalyptic thing. Something to do with telepaths?

If it's not the apes, it's the telepaths!

As Charon once remarked, 'It's just one damned thing after another".

Then there's the Aliens, they're all out to get us too. To make matters worse, some of them could even BE telepaths!

Only if you believe that lying film called "Starship Troopers". And then we have our own telepaths to combat them. Still, I know what you're thinking.

As long as aliens eat with spoons, Yuri Geller will protect us.

You can imagine it now:


Oh damn, the aliens are coming to eat our brains with those nasty looking spoons.

Don't panic, private. We're all safe now...... Uri Geller is here.

Huzzah, huzzah.


Wow, that *could* be a scene from a film.

Apologise for spelling his name wrong, but it was in the name of fiction and avoidance of a court case.

A wise precaution!

How about John Cleese as Uri Geller?

..."My Brain hu-u-urts!" (a.k.a. Uri Gumby)

Ah, then you'd be into the realms of bending bricks or welly boots, not spoons.

O.K., I got John Cleese and Uri Geller, but who's this Gumby guy and what does he have to do with bricks?

That's MR Gumby to you (and everybody for that matter)! Mr Gumby is a MP character played by Mr Cleese. He stands in the middle of the road and shouts "My Brain Hurts!" He wears a handkerchief on his head, tied in four corners, a tank top, a pair of trousers (rolled up) and a pair of wellies (at least that's how I remember him). I seem to recall in one episode (is MP episodic as every week it was different?) he had a brick. Please put me right if I am wrong, but I don't think I am.

You're dead right brother Jim the Wonder Llama!

My favourite Gumby was (Michael Palin) Gumby teaching flower arranging.

"FIRST... GET SOME NICE FLOWERS...(blah blah blah)... AAND... CHROMANTHASONUMS...

THEN ARRANGE THEM........... NICELY!!!!"

[Smashes them into a vase]